Aspies For Freedom

Yes, but you have to stay positive and really really push for what you want, and for what your kids deserve. You shouldn't have to, but thats the way it is. Share what did work as well as what didnt.

Part of the cognitive models I have put together explain that there is a high percentage of Narcissistic parents (NPD) with Autistic children. In fact some of the earlier researchers noticed the cold mothers of many Autistic children and I myself have dealt with people like this man in forums that are "cure based".

I fear that the perception of NTs is actually often biased by our dealings with NPDers. People who are NPD are not "Neurotypical" by any means.


My father is diagnosed NPD and my ADD mother married 2 others... one fits the "grandiose psychopath" diagnosis and her current husband is a milder "Somatic". I call this thing "the pattern"... ADD, Autism Spectrum and Narcissism are commonalities in our friendships, partnerships and families.

It is a pretty simple concept... People with NPD are often pushy and self agrandizing. They think about their needs only and tend to be rabid attention getters.

The opposite of this is the ADD, Autism... We are less "ego dense" than NPDer and less likely to question them. They get someone as a partner that they can "help" because they are superior. It is a nasty affair that ends up cuasing the aspie pain...

Just in my family... My aunt is asperger's and was married to an NPDer... My father married 3 ADD women. My grandfather is an aspie and he married a very dominating woman (clearly NPD and abusive).

The non-aspie cure advocates have lots of NPDers driving it...more interested in fixing than relating (something NPDers do not do)... Besides they can act like victims of their child's/partner's asperger's syndrome to get extra attention from people of a higher status (Doctors).

It is a big mess... the term Neurotypical actually does little to describe the psychological landscape we are in... in fact most of us know very few NTs... they keep their distance for the most part...NPDers on the other hand.... we are an attention feast for them.

The schools here in my part of Florida are a nightmare  :twisted: Even so,
I was totally SHOCKED  :shock:
that my childs OT ,ST and Neuro PDoc ALL recommended that I home school him even BEFORE he was scheduled to begin Kindergarden
(and even more so because it is VERY  likely that I am an Aspie . )
We are homeschooling and he is doing very well  :grin:
I thought that when I made the decision to homeschool I would be fig
hting the pdocs etc who would insist that he needed the 'socialization ' of a formal school ......

Pish. <sarcasm>Nice parent that idiot is.</sarcasm> He only know the Autism STEREOTYPE that Aspergians and Autistics are completely incapable of communicating with other people.

In fact, it is the exact opposite for many Aspergians, like me. I can go on and on and on and on and on and on about my favourite subjects for about five minutes, most likely repeating the same things over and over because the other person gives no visible cue that he is  at least listening (which I really hate).

On the other hand, other Aspergians aren't the sort who would go on and on about the same chubby brown-haired Polish guy (my most obsessive subject).

This poor guy really needs to understand the vast amounts of variation between different Aspergians and Autistics. Please. Go on with your documentary and email him an exerpt if you can. It can really increase his enlightenment of the Autistic Spectrum, which is very important because he is a parent of an Autistic.

It's my belief that many people who say those on the autistic spectrum can't communicat are looking at 'communication' the wrong way.

There are many many forms of communication.

Part of the problem faced by those on the autictic spectrum is that 'normal communication' is more often than not seen as involving the vocal use of words and accepted patterns of gestures and facial expressions.

I see it as a bit of a paradox that those hearing impared who rely on sign are seen as 'communicating'... Ok I think I lost my point but anyway...

I guess I'm saying the key may be to get more people to accept other forms of communication.

I worked with an autictic boy once that could 'communicate' certain needs and the like quite clearly. Sure, it's not having a 'conversation' but he could communicate when he needed to.

I think, but I'm not certain, that this was due to the fact the specian needs school he attended used a 'broad spectrum' approach to education of their students.

I have similiar thoughts. People can get my attention immediately just by calling my name, while I have to call the names of NTs repeatedly to get their attention, maybe even poke them with the butt of my pencil. Usually it's the poking that finally gets their attention.

How in the world can you have a child diagnosed and not bother finding out a single thing about it?!  :shock:

Finding anything about autistics and you find out about a spectum and high funtioning autistics!  :roll:  It's impossible, even if you read one flipping pamphlet!

hmmm...

so lemme get this straight:

According to that parent if I put down my communicator and could manage to speak verbally as fluidly and fluently as 'all those the NT next door" I wouldn't be autistic?

I actually attempted that route once during a phase of an unrelated disability known as 'bipolar' being 'hypomanic' I wish to and unrealistically believed I could literally will myself right out of being autistic -- and right into 'normalcy' -- didn't happen. I couldn't do it and even I could have managed to grab that magic speech 'brass ring,' nobody was going to buy me as 'a quirky NT with maybe a mild speech impediment" or whatever it was at the time (I kept gradually lowering these failed expectations of myself as I went).  It just wasn't going to happen. I was still decidedly obviously blatantly autistic. "Ho Hum"

Okay, so I'm still functionaly nonverbal but because I am able to string words together such as these I'm typing now on my computer or communicator or anywhere there is a keyboard, then I'm communicating and therefor am I 'not autistic'?
Nope, still 'outta luck" there too, still undeniably and clearly... autistic. "go figure"

For conversation's and wonderment's sake, just how far back do parents like that want to cut this 'can communicate/ica't be autistic' line?
If you can sign?
Pointing and gesturing?
grunting and screaming?
tantrums?

All of them (and more) *ARE* forms of communication
*Everybody* communicates in one way or another eveyrbody is communicating *something,* all the time. So where is that mystery line and why is it there?

I think I will never understand parents who say so sadly that their chidren "will never be able to" communicate/talk/write (etc etc etc) and then when they have this reaction like this parent when they see someone who has autism, the same thing their child has, doing these same very things.

I don't think when they do this that its 'giving up' hopes dreams and expectations and so forth, it seems more like 'throwing them down and and stomping on them.'

Droopy

PS, my sister (who is an educated RN working in a hospital) kind of went this route a bit when I started typing "lets have you freshly tested then to see what's *really* wrong with you (bet you'll never guess what the testing conclusion was).

I'm sorry... but when I read your story, I just burst out laughing. I mean, the guy has an autistic son, and he doesn't realize that autistic people can communicate, too? How ignorant is it possible to be?

You'd think that with an autistic son, he'd be aware that there are a heck of a lot of autistic people--especially adults--who are quite capable of communicating.

[edit]By "communicating" I meant by speech... Of course there are a lot of other ways to communicate, and I don't think there's a single autistic person who doesn't communicate in some way... sorry about that bit of ignorance on my part.

Of all things I hate in this world it is ignorant people who don't know jack!  :mad:  I respect the father because he is a human being but to call you a *** and say you're an attention getter! Now that's just shameful. But if you were to ask me how to deal with this problem about the school system and how people don't understand others because of their conditions then I would say that the schools need to teach children as soon as possible about the need to respect others even if their different. We need to tell kids about others who have PDD (pervasive developmental disorders). Now I don't agree with the term disorder, I think that needs to be changed. Also, the schools need to change this attitude about school fights. Fighting shouldn't be tolerated, but if the kid started it because the other one had bullied him and called him names or beat him over a long course of time then it is my belief that the bully should either be suspended or expelled :wink:  and the kid who started the fight should just get a slap on the wrist.

Basically, yeah. That's where her logic would lead.

And Temple Grandin isn't autistic. And Rain Man isn't autistic. And everyone else who ever learns to string two words together isn't autistic.

Not nessicarily true.  Mrs. "D" as I shall call her is with the Aspergers unit at my school and she is wonderful.  I'm a senior this year, and I doubt I would be here without her help.

Some people are actually helpful, like one of my social workers who tries to know me by what I say about myself and the way SHE sees me, not what's written on some piece of paper.

But most others treat you as if you're a broken person, or a really young child, or as if you don't know any better, and judge you by what is written on sombody else's piece of paper, no by the way YOU describe yourself.

It is actually less difficult dealing with blatant ignorance than blatant stupidity though.

To be fair, until six months ago, I didnt even suspect my child was autistic.  When the teacher first said she suspected it, I thought she was way off beam.  But took him back to the consultant who reassessed over many weeks then told me his has ASD.  I stupidly, admittedly, told her he couldn't be Austistic as he was too smart, too articulate, too clever.

I've seen taken a sharp learning curve and am still on it.

The only reason I could see for doing something like that is that this individual knows that she is very prone to categorizing people according to their diagnosis--that if she knows a lot, she will treat people as a diagnosis, and not be aware of their individual differences. If this is true of her--and it's a common NT flaw--then she's right, and probably also on the way to fixing that flaw.

But if she is capable of knowing about a diagnosis and still being able to see people as individuals, then she should acquire a basic understanding of autism. There are many things about autistic people that are not intuitively understood by the majority of NTs; and they are easy to misinterpret if you don't know that they come from autism, and what function they serve in the autistic person. For example, knowing about sensory problems is important, because otherwise meltdowns and anxiety could seem to come from nowhere.

I think it's a well-intentioned approach--much better than the "I know everything about 'you people' and therefore am superior" approach--but that, with autism, she would be better served by learning the basics while still taking pains to keep her "autistics are individuals" frame of mind.