06-10-2006, 11:22 AM
Like all parents, when I first saw my newborn son, I had fantasies of what he would grow up to be. Like almost all parents, I quickly found that my son isn't what I expected. He's not a fantasy. He's a real person with his own strengths and weaknesses, just like everyone else. He is 5 years old and he's autistic. Along with that comes a pattern of strengths and weaknesses that most people on this forum are well familiar with.
There are times when I find it frustrating -- like when we are in public and he has a meltdown because someone turned on a blender to mix a milkshake.
Being NT, I care deeply what other people think of me, and I can tell what strangers are thinking when they look at my son. When he stims in public, people are usually too polite to say anything, but they look from him to me in a way that tells me that they are silently wondering "What is wrong with your son?" In return, I give them an angry look back that is meant to silently convey the response, "Nothing is wrong with my son, what is wrong with you?"
I imagine that my behavior seems as strange to my son as his behavior often seems to me. I have no comprehension of why hand-flapping or spinning makes him so happy. I find hand-flapping uncomfortable, and spinning just makes me dizzy. :wink:
But, you know what? I don't *NEED* to understand why spinning in circles is pleasurable for him. He's my son and I love him with all my heart. It is sufficient for me to see the look of happiness on his face. I don't need for him to find pleasure in the same ways I do. It makes me happy to see that he is happy, and that's enough.
I think about the future -- he's going to be bullied all through school. Other kids are going to contstantly torment him and tease him for no reason other than the fact that they can make themselves popular with their friends by being cruel to the boy that is different. I think about that and wonder why society thinks that my son is the one with the disorder. Frankly, my son shows more love and kindness than most of the other kids I see -- he just shows those feelings differently than others.
No, my son is not what I was expecting when I became a father. Yet, for all the things NT can do that he can't, there are also many things he can do better than everyone else.
I am very proud of my son and I woudn't trade him for any NT boy.
There are times when I find it frustrating -- like when we are in public and he has a meltdown because someone turned on a blender to mix a milkshake.
Being NT, I care deeply what other people think of me, and I can tell what strangers are thinking when they look at my son. When he stims in public, people are usually too polite to say anything, but they look from him to me in a way that tells me that they are silently wondering "What is wrong with your son?" In return, I give them an angry look back that is meant to silently convey the response, "Nothing is wrong with my son, what is wrong with you?"
I imagine that my behavior seems as strange to my son as his behavior often seems to me. I have no comprehension of why hand-flapping or spinning makes him so happy. I find hand-flapping uncomfortable, and spinning just makes me dizzy. :wink:
But, you know what? I don't *NEED* to understand why spinning in circles is pleasurable for him. He's my son and I love him with all my heart. It is sufficient for me to see the look of happiness on his face. I don't need for him to find pleasure in the same ways I do. It makes me happy to see that he is happy, and that's enough.
I think about the future -- he's going to be bullied all through school. Other kids are going to contstantly torment him and tease him for no reason other than the fact that they can make themselves popular with their friends by being cruel to the boy that is different. I think about that and wonder why society thinks that my son is the one with the disorder. Frankly, my son shows more love and kindness than most of the other kids I see -- he just shows those feelings differently than others.
No, my son is not what I was expecting when I became a father. Yet, for all the things NT can do that he can't, there are also many things he can do better than everyone else.
I am very proud of my son and I woudn't trade him for any NT boy.