Aspies For Freedom

Well coming from a mom of both a NT and an ASD child I don't see why sympathy is needed. I dont need sympathy from anyone I love both my boys as is. I am often asked which of my boys is more "difficult" to raise and I say they are both the same. They both have their good and bad things. My son on the spectrum does not have Aspergers he is more affected and is nonverbal for the most part. I will tell you that he does love me . He kisses me and he hugs me and occasionally he'll say "I love you". I dont need to hear it all the time (My husband and I are NT). I know my kids love me they dont have to say it all the time.
I will say I saw a disturbing Youtube video about vaccines and autism and it said "Autism is a hell some parents now have to live with". My first thought was my life is not a hell. I love my son why would they say my life is a hell. I dont feel that way. I love both my boys just as they are and would change NOTHING about either one of them. If I did change something they wouldnt be themselves, now would they?

GreenLion Wrote:

slightest hint of sympathy, even in passing, for what parents of autistic children go through. No one, from what was written, was moved in the slightest by their heartfelt and real emotion.

I hate to sound provocative, but it somewhat reminds me of the apparently greater on average difficulty autistic children have in forming emotional attachments and empathy for others (even their own parents), and exhibiting or perhaps even feeling concern for anything apart from their own interests, needs, and demands.

Just wanted to say I agree with what you wrote!

WatsonSword Wrote:

You NTs do that too! Under great stress you fidget, you pace back and forth, you become irritable, and you become very anxiety ridden.
I believe it is lack of understanding. One parent may have an autistic child, and know nothing about autism. He or she will look at their child?s odd behavior and try to correct them, turn them normal, which will trigger a cascade of more inappropriate behavior. It will spiral out of control in a cycle of trying to correct inappropriate behavior, which will only trigger even more. The torment for both child and parent will be unbearable.
This lack of understanding and the endless cycle of hysterics that results from it is what drives some mothers to jump off bridges with their autistic children in their arms.
Another parent can have an autistic child while understanding autism. This parent will know what each individual quirk of their child will mean, how to respond to it, and how to teach them to find better ways to express themselves. They will know to give their child the control over what happens to them that they need and desire, while at the same time continuously prodding them to go outside their stubborn want for sameness. And this understanding will lead to fulfillment in the lives of both the child and the parent.
So in an absence of knowledge, yes, autism is an unmerciful, and impassable burden. But with the required knowledge, it merely requires a different method of rearing.

[

At times it is harder. Like I said they are both the same, at least to me Smile

Its just different.

I'm not sure on the genetic componenet there is no one in either my husband or my family on the spectrum.

Callista Wrote:

I think it's harder to parent many NT kids than many autistic kids. NT kids are vulnerable, because of their need for social contact and approval, to many things--peer pressure among the greatest of them. It really depends on the individual child.

I drove my mom pretty crazy as a kid; but I think, had I been neurotypical, my strong will would have caused a similar level of trouble for her. I would probably have been a more classical "rebellious teenager", rather than (as I did) having tantrums and trying to control my world (which of course included her). She still blames my autism on my "dramatic personality", refusing to believe it might be genetic.

I have to agree with Planet*Louise
I know a couple parents (I'm a parent as well) who talk about how "horrible" their child was in front of them and then tell me about their "behaviors" afterwards. I mean , hello, you are talking bad about someone - they are autistic not deaf! One of these same moms is forever complaining about her son. Occasionally complaining is fine, but constantly is rather annoying -to me anyways.
It bothers me when I see children - and I do- who get 40 hours a week ABA in addition to their regular school day. These children are 3 and 4 years old. My son is 4 and I get bombarded by these parents because I wont get 40 hours for my son. I think that is way too much. I tell them he needs to be a 4 year old too. I bring him to the park etc. I rather him enjoy his childhood then sit at a desk for 40 hours picking out which picture is the school bus. Rolleyes

Planet*Louise Wrote:

[quote=GreenLion]
Why feel sympathy for somebody who talks about how much of a burden their innocent three year old child is to them, how much they cost, how they're never going to be good enough an how they wish they could kill them. If these parents were genuinely stressed and confused (as it must be trying to raise a kid with different neurological wiring to you) but didn't badmouth or undermine their children or play the pity card then I might feel sympathy for them.

Quote:

One thing this film tries to do is break through that, to convey the reality that autism in a family extracts an ENORMOUS cost on everyone else in it.

And the parents in the film kept forcing their young kids to do things they didn't want to do for long periods of time- and then wondered why they got distracted or whiny. They blamed the autism.
Autism isn't the cause. I challenge you to get ANY toddler to sit down and do a jigsaw with you when they'd rather be doing something else.

You sound like you think a parents is well within their rights to think that their autistic toddler isn't good enough becasue they're unlikely to be in a sports team/may need to go in special ed/Stim.
A young autistic child may not be what you expected, but they haven't done anyhing wrong! They aren't being autistic just to spite you! It is unfair to traet them with contempt just because they didn't come who you'd expected them to. Children aren't dolls, after all!

To Quote Green Lion from post #27
"You and others who are taking offense at some of my statements and opinions need to distinguish between what I am saying about autism versus what I am saying about people with autism. You are not autism. You are a person with autism."

i think there are those on this forum who would disagree with this statement. My son, for example, would be the first to tell you autism is not something he has, it is who he is.

That perception makes all the difference in the world.

If I missed something of import subsequent I apologize, I have not been reading from outset and I found the wall of continuing text in surmountable today.

Oops. Just saw where thread is from 2006. If thread is that old you ought just lock it down.

I'm glad you liked Smile

nyanchan Wrote:

Breeze Wrote:

Well coming from a mom of both a NT and an ASD child I don't see why sympathy is needed. I dont need sympathy from anyone I love both my boys as is. I am often asked which of my boys is more "difficult" to raise and I say they are both the same. They both have their good and bad things. My son on the spectrum does not have Aspergers he is more affected and is nonverbal for the most part. I will tell you that he does love me . He kisses me and he hugs me and occasionally he'll say "I love you". I dont need to hear it all the time (My husband and I are NT). I know my kids love me they dont have to say it all the time.
I will say I saw a disturbing Youtube video about vaccines and autism and it said "Autism is a hell some parents now have to live with". My first thought was my life is not a hell. I love my son why would they say my life is a hell. I dont feel that way. I love both my boys just as they are and would change NOTHING about either one of them. If I did change something they wouldnt be themselves, now would they?

Wow. Thanks for that story, Breeze. Big Grin

GreenLion Wrote:

Sadly, the posts after mine have totally confirmed what I said.

While I sympathize strongly with people who have been bullied, or who have heard painful things said to them or about them, I have heard not a scrap of sympathy for the people in this film and what the anguish that they have had to go through.

Mostly what I've seen instead, again is, total self-absorption, and ludicrous attempts to impart the worst possible motives for both the producers of the film, and of the people who share their feelings in it.

I know many people in this forum no doubt bristle at the idea of someday being able to cure autism or at least prevent its expression somehow in people who may be genetically predisposed.  I've seen a lot of happy talk about it being just an alternative way of being wired and (non)interacting with the world, etc.

One thing this film tries to do is break through that, to convey the reality that autism in a family extracts an ENORMOUS cost on everyone else in it.

And the motive is NOT to make people with autism feel bad about themselves, but to impart a sense of urgency in researchers, donors, policymakers, and the general public about finding such a cure.

Bizarre paranoia about mass-abortion plots does not reflect well on those who engage in it.

NTs need social interaction, warm feedback.  It hurts terribly when a child doesn't smile, doestn't coo and play, doesn't talk.  It hurts terribly when the high hopes that one had for a child are replaced with the grim realization that to get to the same place will require a mountain of effort. That's NOT "bigotry" or "ignorance" - it's an expression of a completely understandable pain at experiencing cruelly dashed expectations.

And calling for punishing a child for wishing that he sister were not autistic just leaves me speechless.

Green Lion: (I saw part of the film and I am also on the autistic spectrum) If the 8-year old autistic girl was upset and didn't want to get on the swing, then don't try to force her get on it. There may have very well been sensory issues or a phobia that would make it very unpleasant for her. How would you feel if you had a fear of heights and someone tried to force you to go on something like a Ferris wheel at the carnival?

I believe there was another scene where a parent was showing how hard it was trying to brush her son's teeth. Hello? How many little kids would enjoy having someone restrain them and shoving a toothbrush in their mouth against their will? How would you feel having someone shoving a toothbrush in your mouth?

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that learning styles (that are fun and enjoyable from the kid's perspective) will accomplish far more then taking something and turning it into some kind of drudgery that the kid hates. The ones who weren't listening were the parents and Autism Speaks

So what are you suppose to do when the kid doesnt let you brush his teeth? Its not like they can go unbrushed. I had trouble with my son not wanting to brush his teeth brush. He'll do it now with his battery operated brush with our help most of the time.

GreenLion Wrote:

While I sympathize strongly with people who have been bullied, or who have heard painful things said to them or about them, I have heard not a scrap of sympathy for the people in this film and what the anguish that they have had to go through.

I'm am an NT Mum with 3 sons - 2 diagnosed Asperger's, the older is probably Aspie (will get him formally diagnosed before he starts school).

Now I could sit around whining and feeling sorry for myself because my sons have their own ideas about what they want to do and how they want to play/interact with me.

But actually, my sons are really fun. We have great fun making dinosaur movies, cooking dinosaur biscuits, reading dinosaur books and playing dinosaur wrestle fight games.

I objected to many parts of that Autism Speaks film - apart from the extreme negativity - I object to parents saying negative things about their children in front of them.

But the big part that was missing from the parents on the video was a sense of fun.

If those Mum's stopped whining and actually tried to get into their child's world they might actually have some fun!

Helen

Gareth Wrote:

Please also don't respond to green lion anymore, this is an old thread.......

Whoops!!! I only just read this!!!

Too late - I'd already posted.

Smelena Wrote:

I'm am an NT Mum with 3 sons - 2 diagnosed Asperger's, the older is probably Aspie (will get him formally diagnosed before he starts school).

Now I could sit around whining and feeling sorry for myself because my sons have their own ideas about what they want to do and how they want to play/interact with me.

But actually, my sons are really fun. We have great fun making dinosaur movies, cooking dinosaur biscuits, reading dinosaur books and playing dinosaur wrestle fight games.

I objected to many parts of that Autism Speaks film - apart from the extreme negativity - I object to parents saying negative things about their children in front of them.

But the big part that was missing from the parents on the video was a sense of fun.

If those Mum's stopped whining and actually tried to get into their child's world they might actually have some fun!

Helen

Ah... so you're doing dinosaurs!  We're into trains!

I agree with what you said about the parents on the video having no sense of fun.  I have a great time with my son, who does have a pretty wide range of other interests not just the trains!  He has a really wacky sense of humour and is constantly on the go, and is interested in the world around him.  If something freaks him out or makes him unhappy then we don't do it!  He enjoys swings, but needs pushed so I push him!  He gets a swing and I get exercise - we both win! Smile

If he wants to run in circles and it's a safe place then he gets on with it.  Likes to flap, that's fine too.  I see other children indulge in much more anti-social behaviour than my son ever does and nobody seems to bother much about that. Rolleyes

By contrast to him, I actually find other children a bit dull, dare I say it!

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