Aspies For Freedom

Hello there, this is my first post here after googling 'aspergers lgbt'... Right now I'm fighting with my GP to try and get a diagnosis but they think I 'just have depression'. I have an immediate relative with autism and it was only doing research on autism that I stumbled across AS - and as I'm sure that we all know, finding it yourself and reading about it is like looking into a mirror for the first time in your life. For me its been like a dam in my head has burst and all the times I just blocked out everything because of all the bullying, pressures and questions has came flooding out...and I'm not weird at all.
My university are really good with it and the disability dept are trying to get me referred through to different organisations to try and get me diagnosed because they've said they feel in their experience I do display signs of AS. So fingers crossed in the new year I'll have full confirmation for it. I know some people will ask why I'm not just happy with self-diagnosis but I've had that many problems in 24 years of being on this planet that I need to know to give me closure for other things.
The problem is that I feel very isolated. I'm a lesbian and I can't abide the gay scene and the cliqueness of the community in my area so I don't really bother with other gay people. I don't understand women (probably because I've always found things like computing and games more interesting and don't have the social skills to communicate with other women - all of my best friends are heterosexual men. Except for one other lesbian who displays AS traits too) which is horrible when you're gay. And being a triple minority - an AS gay woman - just makes me feel even more isolated. I don't care about being a part of wider society or even any society, I just want to be able to talk to other people who understand totally what it feels like to be me. I'm happy to be AS because its got me told that I'm postgrad material in first year - its made me a straight-A student in my field - its made me dedicated to education and academia - its made me perfect for my field as a sociologist because I've never been a part of wider society and have always seen it as that of an outsider, I have no sacred areas...I would never change it to be like everyone else. But I'd just like somewhere safe to escape to when I feel alone...
Help!!!

Hello Mahler and Earthmonkey thank you for responding, I meant to write something back last night but didn't get the chance, I will reply properly when I finish work tomorrow morning, I'm off to the nightshift now

Jean-Pierre, in the nicest possible way... asking someone that kind of question is presuming that everyone is heterosexual first, and that homosexuality is a choice. I am AS, but I am still an individual with my own clear-cut biological structure. I know I'm gay because I'm sexually attracted to women and fell in love with women. I've never had that with a male, and my society growing up would have conditioned me to seek that with a male. I do not need to question it with NT lesbians (I presume you mean 'real' lesbians?) because I have been romantically and platonically involved with NT lesbians and I know full well what I am.

Also you're contradicting someone who has questioned herself because of her own alienation within the lesbian community - if I could be straight, I would be straight if only to save myself a lot of grief. I'm presuming that you're heterosexual, not on the basis of your being male, or being AS; my apologies, but I found your post extremely patronising and offensive and had I came up against it in the NT world ("in-depth" or not) I would not be so regimented in my response. What I would wonder is why you are the only one to mention how Aspies cannot be homosexual (I believe it was yourself who made a previous comment about it to a gay male here) whereas everyone else here is more interested in letting people's individual AS have a place to feel safe? Do you have a textbook sat beside you saying "No Aspergers individual shall ever be homosexual"? Or are you choosing to hide a borderline intolerance behind the spectrum and only what we currently know, not what is solid[/i]?

Also with the scale of undiagnosed Aspie females and females that slip through the diagnosis net because they are not male therefore they 'obviously cannot have Aspergers', I think perhaps [b]you should do your research a little more in depth before you attempt to instruct others in how their lives are lived. I came here to feel safe, not to have my sexual orientation dissected.

Sorry,

"Only what we currently know, not what is solid" should be in italics.

The only part of the last paragraph that should be in bold is the first "you".

Energia, hello Its ok I usually feel like I'm 24 going on 50 sometimes lol.

EarthMonkey, I don't live in the US but I'm pretty sure a lot of that applies here. The LGBT union at my uni is more interested in going out on the scene and not really anything of any support, but I've been talking about trying to set up an Aspie/autism support group/society as I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one out of 1000 students with it lol. I asked if I could spend a semester in Vancouver next year (as in Sept 2008 - I only think in academic years) - scared sh*tless if I'm honest but really want to experience a world outside of Scotland for a little while at least. I love that poster, its really cool - although unfortunately my talents have always tended to be grounded in the written word and never art. I can draw stick people and thats my lot lol
Oh and I quite enjoyed programming when I studied it, web design was fun but it involved having to try and replicate images in my head to the screen...never good. I might just keep a blog instead lol

Hi Tim,

Very wise words indeed I wish you a happy, healthy New Year and thanks once again for the welcome (I feel like I'm giving an Oscars speech with all these thank yous...)

The way I look at it is that we found it! And its better to find it and gleam some of its confidence and reassurance before its too late

Thank you for that link, I think I'll email him and ask for some advice as my university has nothing for us. If I can help other people live their lives fully and gain as much as they can academically, then I'm happy

I shall do when/if he responds - sent an email before I forget and given that I've already had a couple of glasses of wine to bring in the New Year I probably will
It took me years to get back to uni - academia was all I ever had growing up, but I got bullied horribly at school and teachers did little to stop it. Even now at uni I get the smirks and stares when I speak, but I'm passionate about my subject and throw myself into it. One day when someone smirks and nudges their friend I might just say "excuse me, but do you find something amusing about someone with Aspergers syndrome talking about one of their interests?" just to see the mortified looks on their popularist faces...although, maybe thats just something I can smile about whenever I think about it
You've led a varied life which is always good...I always think life is just one big textbook that we write our research and experience in

Hi again Tim,

Sometimes its easier to write when you don't get judged. Conversely, I work with people with learning difficulties - Downs, etc. Some of the people we support are LFA; I haven't told them I have HFA yet, I don't know how. However with all people with communication 'hiccups' (I hate saying 'problem'), sometimes allowing them to write/paint/create anything without the fear of ridicule allows them to get out pent-up feelings and frustration. The education system doesn't really allow you to feel that way as you're aware you're being judged and all it takes is one bad teacher or one impatient tutor... Now I'm lucky, because sociology allows for the 'passionate eccentric' who is engrossed in their work. It takes a lot for me to open my mouth in a tutorial/seminar, but its education...I personally can't help myself. The lecturers and tutors love me...the students, well, not so much. I have a reputation for being standoffish, work-centred and odd; I only talk about my degree to other students. I can't logically see why they want to talk to me about my personal life; even though when I see my friends I love my vino, I'm addicted to my Xbox/Wii/PC games, I've got a really surreal/obscure sense of humour...but at uni, I'm there to get my undergrad and then my postgrad, then lecture/do research. I'm an academic, thats it. Sometimes I feel like I've went through my entire life looking for people that don't smirk when I speak. I can articulate that - I'd like to help those who can't.

I shall post on that site too, its handy to have these sites that I can refer people to if I can get my uni society running

Hopping in the bath now, here's hoping I don't drown!!

Lorna

I would expect that 'respect' does not use the term 'homo' as its widely known and accepted that most LG people do not appreciate its use. Like I said, I wonder why you question someone's sexual orientation on the basis of their having AS. I, and no other AS lesbian, needs your textbook definition of Aspergers and the Lesbian because women are misrepresented on the spectrum anyway.

Do your research on generalised homosexuality before you start bringing it up. Clearly you do not understand.

Hahaha...yeah I can totally get that too. I've never understood this male-female genderised nonsense; you are what you are and anyone with an IQ that isn't the same as their shoe size wouldn't stick to pre-conceived notions of what is male and what is female. All of my close friends are guys, I don't understand women, and I went through a phase where I was confused about my gender identity. These days I'm whatever I get out of bed deciding to be - if I want to be a girly girl, I've got the make-up and skirts to do so. Usually I'm jeans and hoodie; I don't see the point of wandering around campus with a pair of heels I might break my neck in and as for going out...its hard enough to walk after I've worked my way through the bar without running the risk of breaking my ankle lol. Femme or tomboy? I do what I do...period.

Jean-Pierre... LG = lesbian/gay. The term 'homo' isn't applicable to bisexuals and transgendered as they are not defined as homosexual on the LGBT scale. I would have thought that was obvious. You can't support your argument with relevant information, research or statistics, so why are you keeping the discussion going? If you don't have relevant facts that take into account the misrepresentation of females on the spectrum, I'm not interested; I have no need, desire or obligation to discuss my sexual preferences in the face of an argument that I could get (and do get) within a similar context with a taxi driver. I simply pointed out that a considerable amount of lesbians and gay men do not appreciate being referred to as "homo". I don't know whether or not this is an attempt to inject humour into your comments. I argue on the basis of fact and research.

Tigger... I do think thats a lot to do with the perception of females in general, where we can feel happier in a pair of jeans and t-shirt. Unfortunately it sucks when you're not one of the pretty girls who honestly really cares about Closer's fashion tips lol.

Some days I'm a tomboy, some days I'm a girly girl, other days I'm only happy being naked. Meh!

Btw I got your reply on my blog but I haven't properly had a chance to update it yet

Clearly the inane ramblings of someone who has never satisfied a woman in their life.

I suppose re inflatables... at least they don't talk back

This suggests, yet again, that homosexuality is a choice or expression of agency within a social structure. Yawn...I've been hearing that shit since I was 15. I didn't get any sexual guidance to be gay, I knew I was into women when I was 14 and didn't have any sexual contact with one til I was 18. Much like all heterosexual teenagers? I mean, how can you know you're straight even though you've never had sex? *rolls eyes*

I've been reading Aspergers in Love by Maxine Ashton and whilst I find it relatively useless for a lesbian, it does touch upon that some Aspie males have gay sex as a means of physical release, as men (in general) are more likely to seperate love and sex. However most Aspie men I've met, spoken to or read about have a 'normal' sexual appetite as in they identify sexual contact with their partner in a relationship setting as normal and desirable. If anything the only exception to that generalisation I've encountered is a large amount of male Aspies who choose to remain celibate until marriage - because they don't seperate love and sex? Fear of rejection afterward? I personally don't know but whatever someone else wants to do with their body is fine by me.

Bollocks. My best friends are heterosexual men and I've always been told that I'm a man stuck in a (very feminine looking I have to add - crew cuts aren't me) woman's body. "The ultimate male brain"? Conforming to what stereotype or social pressure? Do I drink pints? No. Do I drag my girlfriend back to my cave by the hair? No. Do I watch Top Gear religiously? No. Do you even see how ludicrous this statement even is in terms of trying to largely define what a 'male' brain is? This just panders to the same misconception that Aspies are low on/have no emotion - that we deal with things in what we associate as a 'male' way i.e. cool, logical, keeps head on in a crisis whilst of course the girl is running around squealing and crying. Aspies have a problem with 'theory of mind' that armchair head-doctors attribute as being 'typically male' - it does not mean that an AS man cannot relate to a woman romantically, it only means he may need some coaching or assistance in how to show his emotion. Most AS men married to women think that by doing things for her and buying her things proves he loves her. On the flipside there are studies shown where some AS partners are too emotional towards their partner - usually out of some other insecurity I suppose.

Incidentally are you sure you're not Jean-Pierre under a new name? Hmmm.

Where's your source on that? Where's your statistical information?

Most Aspies (male and female) who do rely on mimicking aren't doing it to pretend they feel something they don't (after all thats a form of dishonesty and we know what the stereotypical issues are with Aspies and lying), they're doing it to express something in a way that is socially acceptable and what they perceive to be expected from the presumably NT partner. This is why NT partners complain when they have been in a long term relationship and living with an undiagnosised Aspie - the AS partner begins demostrating more behaviour that is associated with AS that they may not have done when in the 'courting' phase. I don't think this can be seen as anything dishonest or cynical on the Aspie's part as if anyone likes anyone romantically you're automatically on your best behaviour anyway! Incidentally, with women I've been dating or had short term relationships with, it hasn't occurred to me to tell them what they want to hear just to get my own way - if anything else I've felt pressured by my immediate society in order to behave like a 'normal' twenty something lesbian. Sometimes that works when you start talking about your Xbox 360 or computing (when they want to try and seem 'cool') but when you start talking about intricate things and games you can see them switch off. If all male Aspies had the 'ultimate male brain' they would ultimately be seen as cool by their male peers and have no problem with popularity.

Incidentally I asked my partner about this and apparently I seemed 'normal' when I first started seeing her ie going out pubbing and clubbing etc, seeming really laid back... the longer we had been together the more my AS traits started to emerge until it culminated in us living together, and thats when I personally feel my AS traits REALLY exposed themselves. However she has said that I have been consistently romantic and my traits ie buying her things have steadily increased. Its only trust.

Sorry but all I can say is AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG are you actually for REAL? Jean Pierre, aspiedr, whatever you're calling yourself these days... PLEASE go read an official pyschological textbook concerning homosexuality. Or shut up. Either option sounds good.

Maybe you're talking from your own personal experience.