Aspies For Freedom

Quote:

I am happy being physically female and in a straight relationship, but I cannot say that I identify myself as female. My brain is far more male than female. I have felt this way since I was a child.

Thats excatly me

i kind of believe that because society rejects us so much throughout our earlier years...well...we appear *different* and therefore easy targets for playground attacks...many aspies completely reject most social norms...so anyway, gender can become meaningless, sexuality becomes an annoyance, and i completely understood the *queer sexual* quote, i myself am pansexual, i dress as a girl (i'm a boy) and like girls and other boys who dress like girls...pretty fucked up i guess...lol x

Andy Kennett Wrote:

I'm beginning to think that I'm gay (I'm aspie, btw), but I'm not sure about what to do. The reason I think I'm gay is because I tend to talk to women and girls like friends do (certainly not flirting with them) and although I've had the odd crush on a girl, it was more for what they were like rather than how they looked. The main reason for my thinking I'm gay though is, through all this, I seem to be "turned on" (or attracted to) pictures of topless men (like those you see in shops with males modeling shorts, etc.).

Any help/ advice?

For one, I'd like to point out that there's such a thing as bisexuality as well... not everybody is either straight or gay. And despite some common prejudice, bisexual people don't just sleep with anyone and everyone (well, some do, but some straight people will sleep with anyone of the opposite gender as well, and some gay people will sleep with anyone of the same gender).
Also, you're only 20yo... Aspies are notorious for taking their time figuring this whole sexuality thing out. My husband was confused until in his early twenties as well and experimented both ways but decided that though he can be hedonistic he's not into men when it comes to relationships. I'm not all that much into porn etc but I prefer looking at women and lesbian porn over straight or gay porn. I usually don't like men in underwear ads either... I like the Johnny Depp look though. Smile But then, if I had to choose between Johnny Depp and Jessica Alba, I don't know... I didn't have many crushes as a teenager either. I'm also not so sure I'd want to be in a relationship with a woman... Anyway, it's not important as I'm *married*, and I love my husband both as a friend and as a lover. Smile
So, basically, I don't know what you told your parents (did you tell them you're gay, or that you think you might be gay?), but I'd watch out for getting yourself into a false dichotomoty...

I like this thread because...well, I'm gay, so it's important to me know that an autistic person can be gay or lesbian.
I mean...I accept that I was gay when I was 12 years old, but just a couple of months ago I knew that I'm autistic (I mean, I have my diagnosis in April)..
So, I didn't know how to deal with this....
But now I'm feeling better because I know that it isn't rare or something...I don't know...

But...earthmonkey, I like your story, even if it was hard to read because my english isn't too good. Anyway, I like it, you seems to be a really strong person, I don't know...My life isn't really interesting, I spend a lot of time in my computer so... Tongue

Anyway, thanks to reading me

Josh

And sorry for my bad english!!!

Hello everyone Smile

I am new here...
I am bisexual...and aspie
and in the closet about both of them
I feel like I don't fit anywhere
though I haven't met another aspie, or any gay people
I don't get out much lol
There was a gay pride parade in my city I think in spring and I wanted to go but had to keep up the illusion and lies I was against that and was as normal as possible
it hurt Sad

JC Wrote:

When we first started "dating" online, he was very close and affectionate, with lots of descriptive text and suggestion expressing a loving bond between us. Then, right about the time we decided "let's be a couple", this ended and things became almost civil, like just good friends. I was extremely confused, and worried, that I had done something wrong to warrant his being hesitant to continue the closeness. I stopped being close myself, thinking that perhaps it made him uncomfortable (which is something I did not want to do) and wondered if maybe he was no longer interested. I finally came right out and asked "Do you still like being a couple?" and got an instant "Of course!" reply back.

Hi JC,

I can only speak from my own Aspie experiences, but the descriptive text sounds a lot like "flirting" - as in having fun dancing around the relationship idea without actually saying it. After I'm actually in a relationship it can become somewhat redundant, in my mind we both already know we're interested in each other. To me, this is the best part of the relationship, because we can just have fun relaxing and hanging out. It's possible the same thing is going through his mind.

JC Wrote:

I have noticed that I cannot get him to tell me how he feels about me, because it appears to make him uncomfortable. The times we have been in voice in Skype, I am very careful not to mention relationship issues, because it makes him very awkward and uncomfortable. Even using text to talk about our relationship causes him to get very quiet. I understand now that he may just not know how to express it. I do wish I had some way of being sure that he cares about me as deeply as I for him. Is there any other way I could discover this, without making him feel uncomfortable? I trust what he tells me about wanting to be partnered, because I now see that he most likely sees no reason to tell those "white lies" that NT folks do to try and make others feel better. Still, I wish I had better confirmation of his feelings. I hope there's some advice you all could give me.

Possibly the same thing is happening here - rather than making him feel uncomfortable, he may be wondering why you want him to "restate the obvious". Perhaps the best thing to do is to let him know that you like to re-affirm where your relationship is every now and then, and he might be happy to oblige.

JC Wrote:

In November, I hope to travel to the UK to visit him in person, and hopefully over the course of a week will be able to tell if we belong together. If it looks like we do, I start making plans to move my life from the US to the UK. That's a very big step for me, and I wish I was more positive about our relationship, to know if it will be okay.

Will it be easier to tell his feelings for me in person, when we finally meet? How can I be sure how he feels? I have a strong desire to be close in a relationship: cuddling, etc. I know he has had a previous boyfriend, and he has talked about the closeness they shared, so I think he is comfortable with it. If I want to be close but are concerned he might not want to be, because of being uncomfortable, should I just come right out and ask "Is it okay if I do this?" and things along that line?

That one's a bit trickier - everyone's different, after all... Good luck!

JC Wrote:

Thanks for the replies, everyone...

No probs - Best of luck with the visit!

GuessWho Wrote:

I think the definition of homophobic is getting generous.

Can a person who can respect, honestly, two committed adults of the same gender deny homophobia? Probably.

Does he lose that privilege if he agrees with the statement
"God does not condone or tolerate, but instead punishes, sexual behavior between two adults of the same gender?"

So tell me, am I a homophobe or not?

Whether or not you agree with the statement is irrelevant. The fact that you keep repeating this statement whenever you have the chance is the thing that is objectionable.

Keep this opinion to yourself, and no problem.

GuessWho Wrote:

I would be happy to stop bringing it up. It is not important to say what everyone knows, it is important to say what they don't know.

It seems that you are implying that the "God hates gay people" thing is a fact, when it is only your opinion. Attempting to convince others that god hates gay people, or dislikes gay peoples behavior (which is, in fact, the same thing) is an act of bigotry.

In short, your words are not "accurately reporting a faith", they are expressing your opinion. Your opinion that god hates gay people is exactly as offensive as a person who says that they hate gay people. When you say these things, you are not reporting a fact, you are stating an opinion.

You can believe it if you like, but keep it to yourself.

ocampo, great words by Martin Niemöller, sums up why I think mutual support for diversity is a good idea. Ashamed I had to look up the spelling of Martin Niemöller on Wikipedia. Had to type in Bonhoffer.

Yes, I definitely understand the concept of mutual defense in diversity

GuessWho Wrote:

Somebody said they hated the NTs.  Granted, this must be extremely frustrating, and because things like employment and dating often are in the hands of NTs it seems they can open or close them to whoever they choose.  Maybe it seems they do not want us, hence somebody's hatred of NTs.  I was on the outside of a career looking in and I think I was angry enough to hate, too, once.

After my six months of hostile work environment as a Federal employee in Suitland, MD I actually reflected on a sort of a music video for RUSH, The Enemy Within (Part I of Fear) from Grace Under Pressure.

I had already long since come to the conclusion that gays and Aspies were probably natural allies.  I had lesbian friends in the Annandale area (later I learned that Virginia was like Nazi Germany, and I tried to vote against hate laws).  For 4 minutes, 37 seconds I was visualizing a regional military buildup in case either of our interests had to be defended with military force.  (At the time -1998- my mom and I were Martinsburg, WV-based).

Since September 1998 I have had no problems with employment inequity.

It was very damn easy to imagine my allies having a parallel incident.

I just let myself visualize geography and geopolitics.....

Annandale*..... south of Washington, Potomac River, pretend I could put a naval base there, put a few carriers there.... A few air force bases, army and Marine bases, MOBILITY "The First Step in Combat", definitely you'd want to preposition supplies regionally.

I'm hoping that Annandale would be close enough to strike regionally (Rockville, College Park, certainly close enough to Alexandria and Arlington), but allies are not everywhere, are they?

However, I did not experience occupational prejudice again.

HOWEVER, we were trained to expect hostile interviewing and a hostile reception in May and June 1999 at the Maryland Rehabilitation Center in Baltimore

(classmate, with actual interviewing experience in real world, shot me down in 30 seconds with too much hesitation and ummss)

GuessWho Wrote:

My previous job I think I started off on the wrong foot, I think I asked I wrong question, as it was the Census Bureau, the job's level, it's educational requirement, versus my educational level.  It offended a branch manager four or six grades up not quite finished with her own educational level.

I think what really added the petrol to the fire was that I was born a Caucasian male (with Asperger and ADHD) into a upper-middle to middle class family (depending on Mom's employment pre-children, in USA in 1970, none of which I asked for) facing off against an African American woman.  In the back of her mind maybe there was a Whoop, whoop!  KKK alert!  She was actually dealing with a [Master's in] sociology most sympathetic to gender and ethnic relations, and I had gathered quite a bit of respect for civil rights and due process, and for the good of the many versus the freedom of the few of the get rich, from good old Mom and Dad too.

It would not have mattered so much whether I was Aspie or not, but it did kind of look a little bad ganging up on a man with a disability who was only motivated to get out of her way.  I did not succeed after six months.  I do not honesty believe I WANTED to spend two years in that environment.

Clarification: It might be perceived as threatening, by African Americans, for white Americans of superior academic achievement to pull rank whenever possible.  AA may believe whites have created the system by ourselves and for ourselves a long time ago.

But it is not fair to attack one individual for America's race problems.  It certainly does not bring any restitution to an African American to for one to attack a white American subordinate at the office.

* not exactly, but generally, and of course, I am NOT using names!

I don't like what they are doing to the illegal immigrants in Virginia.  It is like what they were doing to the homosexuals a few years ago.

Virginia seems mean, like it's Dulac or something.

As Aspies we can automatically relate, we don't like people picking on people.

Article  http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/con...03358.html

Comments, including mine...  http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/con...ments.html

I'll respect you all if you can respect my position.

Asperger's and homosexuality are two separate syndromes. It may cause a level of uncomfortability when one is not homosexual and is classed as being such solely on the basis of a disability, mainly that being Asperger's itself.

This is not to cloud the issue of Asperger's with homophobia, but rather to protect the Aspies from an incorrect categorical label much as I would not like to be called a "playboy" simply because I am single. { I do not wish to further construe that "all homosexuals are promiscuous" which from general knowledge alone is not the case }

Yet, I find both of these incorrect labels to be of concern in my own case, as I am sure that others surely must.

honestjohn Wrote:

I think - I dare say - that it is quite possible that an aspie is not as conerned about "acting" normal or following "social mores" or is either not aware of the "pressures" to conform or naturally resists them... so that may account for an aspies willingness to leave gender out of equation when it comes to his/her openness to a social partner of his/her same sex.

that's exactly right! it's why i certainly feel no pressure to dress like my designated sex ^.^ x

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