I thought id just post a reply here, im gay and aspie, i was diagonised with aspergers when i was about 16, and i knew i was gay a few years before that, but i only came out as gay last year, i took ages to get the courage up and come out. not sure why though really. Im now 21 and just really starting to figure out that im not totally normal, the gay scene is really confussing and the signals are quite imposibble to pick up on and living in Adelaide Australia with a population of only 1.1 million people we only have one gay club. Ive found a health service sorta thing for young same sex attracted men, but i still feel like an outcast. Just thought i post this sorta random post here. oh yeah i was just wondering if anyone else felt socialy isolated and was in a similar situation
Hi.
I'm Timothy in Phoenix, AZ. I stumbled upon here after many meanderings on the net whilst searching for "gay asperberger's" and finaly had the time to register & log in.
Focusing to my point: I'm 42, gay, have AS, and am single. I don't go to clubs, drink, use recreational drugs, etc. I don't fit in. I don't know about fads, clothing styles, nor do I try fitting in with my cohorts. I'm like the autumn leaf floating in the spring of time. I would love to relate to my "gay kind." I just don't. I can't do light chit chat. I'm always way too intense and can't do superficial. I put more people off by being me than by being rude.
Anyway, thank you for being here so I can find some group I can relate to. I look forward to more in the days & months ahead.
I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's and wanted to know if there were any other gays (men or women) in the group? I know how picky the gay community is anyway, so I wondered what an aspie's experience might be. I do have a partner (who doesn't GET the whole Asperger's thing) so I'm not looking to date. Just to chat with other gay Aspies about their experiences.
I agree with Max the Bear in finding a place where you can be gay in a social group or place, but this can also lead to more confusion, because you think youve found a place where you belong but you still are so differnt anyways i thought id put a link to the place i found for young gay guys in Adelaide, SA, Australia
http://insideout.cyh.com/home.htm they can also help you with mental health issues, and counselling, GP's etc. but the social groups are very helpful.
i am queersexual.
does that count? i think it should, both don't abide by gender rules.
i am a moderate functioning autistic, female, 17 years old. my favourite type of person to date is gay males, and oddly enough ive dated a few despite the fact that they are gay and i am female. they didn't mind me being female, Because im queersexual, and have "less vulgar" 'male' tendencies, and like to dress like a male as much as i like to dress like a female. i have also dated bi females, and strait males. have not happened to date a lesbian though.
i am queersexual.
does that count? i think it should, both don't abide by gender rules.
i am a moderate functioning autistic, female, 17 years old. my favourite type of person to date is gay males, and oddly enough ive dated a few despite the fact that they are gay and i am female. they didn't mind me being female, Because im queersexual, and have "less vulgar" 'male' tendencies, and like to dress like a male as much as i like to dress like a female. i have also dated bi females, and strait males. have not happened to date a lesbian though.
Have you dated bi males as well?
that i have.
Seven, being gay (or straight) really has nothing to do with "gender rules."
being striate, you are fallowing what some people consider your "natural gender role"
[...]I lean towards "queer-friendly" for what Seven is doing, and though her gay boys id as "gay," their actual behavior is bi.
This idea of "gender queer" is more political theory to me as opposed to what we normally talk about, and I can understand that to a point. As for trying to communicate about it, it becomes confusing when people use different meanings for words we all use. We then enter that area of esoteric theory where it can become so convoluted no-one knows what anyone is saying.
First, quick intro. Alex, 41, Australian, Bi, was married, gave a daughter who has been diagnosed with Aspergers. Myself, almost certainly Aspie, stereotypical oppressed nerd right through school/highschool, zero social skills.
I think part of the problem with terms like Gay/Bisexual is that we conflate sex, romance and relationship preferences into a single category. Using myself as an example: I enjoy sex with men and women, but have never had a romantic feeling toward a male (but I fall in love with women way too easily). Am I straight because I only fall in love with women, bi because I fall into bed with both on occasions, or gay and in denial (a rant for another forum on another day).
What I'm getting from Seven's post is that the gay guys she has dated react to her as if she was a gay *male*. So they aren't really being bi because inside their own heads they are dating a "guy". At least if her experiences of how other people react socially to her gender are similar to mine at high school. Am I somewhere close here, Seven?
Which brings up another question about gender issues, anyone else here find themselves treated in a way that implies they are outside the usual M/F & straight-(bi)-gay/lesbian coordinate system? Things like guys finding girls discussing BF's and "gynaecological problems" with them at school, or people dividing a group by gender and getting confused (doing double take) when they join their correct group.
...Alex.
What I'm getting from Seven's post is that the gay guys she has dated react to her as if she was a gay *male*. So they aren't really being bi because inside their own heads they are dating a "guy". At least if her experiences of how other people react socially to her gender are similar to mine at high school. Am I somewhere close here, Seven?
Which brings up another question about gender issues, anyone else here find themselves treated in a way that implies they are outside the usual M/F & straight-(bi)-gay/lesbian coordinate system? Things like guys finding girls discussing BF's and "gynaecological problems" with them at school, or people dividing a group by gender and getting confused (doing double take) when they join their correct group.
...Alex.
bingo! nail on the head.
though i am phsycially female, i am easily mistaken for (specifically young and gay) male jst on the street, so to say, unless i dress in a way that accents my figure; because of my "genderless" attitude and 'premature' figure (i am fully grown, but look "young").
they saw me as a gay male, Not as a strange female, and therefor they Were gay. and i have no problem with being seen as such, it is in no way offensive :> its more of a compliment if they are seeing past my female organs to my personality.
of course they should, but they don't care, they feel they are normal and we are weird, and therefore they are correct or superior to us, and these are the same people who call autism a disease most cases.
im not saying its right, im saying they exist, and they're a dieing breed of intollerance as the younger generations grow, the more open minded the population will become.
I am happy being physically female and in a straight relationship, but I cannot say that I identify myself as female. My brain is far more male than female. I have felt this way since I was a child.
Thats excatly me
I think it could be an aspie thing. The AS brain is suppose to work like an extreme version of the male brain (according to certain sources), so I suppose if you are female it makes sense that some of us grow up feeling like we have male brains.
I know I have always found it much easier to understand and interact with NT males than NT females. Men just seem to think more like I do.
I dont think my life would change if I was straight. Id still like video games, Id still like J-Pop & Id still like Anime (though perhaps a diff genre more not to sure bout that). Its odd telling people your "gay" cos you never know how they will take it. Some people you think wont like it & their completly fine & others that you thought wouldnt care at all suddenly hate you.. Its weird espically if you've known them for a long time cos it's not like you've suddenly changed into this horrible creature, you'r still the exact same person you were 30 secs ago before they knew.
Every person Ive told has been fine with it except 1. But I didnt tell her my friend accidently let it slip & her 16 year old sister & 15 year old bro over heard. Her Brother thought she was joking at 1st because I have some Anime thats a bit rude (nothing majour though) & was quite surprised but is fine with it but her sister is now treating me like Im some creature from space with tenticules & scaly skin or something. Shes nice to me when Im around but her sister has told me things she's said that havnt exactly been 'nice' in any sense of the word...
lol Id love to hear that conversation Pakrat. Im not sure what Brain "type" I have. I like girly things, the cuter the better & Im not into sports at all. However I dont care about fashion or looks. I'll make myself decent if Im going out but I dont try overly hard. & when it comes to girly things its pretty much only "Anime" girly things I like. I *hate* the colour pink but u flash a cute small pink anime creature in front of me & i'll instantly love it. But I also LOVE violent video games. The more blood the better which most people find odd considering my love of all things cute when it comes to Anime. So i think Im somewhere in the middle. I dont have a guys brain or a girls one I think I've got a bit of both. Now if only I could find another gay guy who has similar interests lmao think I'll need a bit of luck with that
I thought id add my myspace i made because of this thread,
http://groups.myspace.com/gayaspie but yeah i was kinda bored too lol, but if anyone wants join my group that would be cool lol. I made the group because i was really just feed up trying to find Gay Aspies apart from this forum theres not much out there, on the net. so feel free to like add urself to the myspace group or wateva.
Thanks Lukey xoxo
Now let's get back to the main subject. Gay Aspies, this thread misses you. We want more stories!
well it's not much of a story but hey. A few weeks back I was downloading some 'Doujinshi' (Fanmade Manga) & I dl'ed 1 from Yugioh that featured Yugi & Seto, it was a Yaoi (expilicit B/B relationships) but only the 1st few pages were rude & the rest was ultra cute & I told 1 of my friends & sent her the link to download it & her reply after she read it was "OMG THATS THE CUTEST THING IVE EVER READ" & i was just like "I know it makes me wanna scream kawaii" (kawaii is japanese for cute)
Then I sent it to a diff friend (also an Aspie) & she thought it was ultra cute as well & then she stumbeled onto some Shoujo-Ai (non-explicit G/G relationships) & she's really getting into them & Ive been showing her all my Shounen-Ai (non-explicit B/B) pics & shes getting hooked on this stuff lol. I've turned my friend into a Yuri-FanGirl (Yuri is explicit G/G but she doesnt actually like Yuri at all shes just in love with Shoujo-Ai but it all falls under the 1 name) & Im a Yaoi-FanBoy (I prefer ultra cute Shounen-Ai but I dont mind Yaoi) its so funny & now we're swapping pics & telling each other about Shounen/Shoujo-Ai gallerys & everything.
She doesnt know 'what' she is yet but it looks like she may be a lesbian, guess we'll just have to wait & see I spose.
(Sry about all the info in brackets but I figured not many ppl would know wat I was going on about without them)
Well how about YOU MercuryA? Whats your fav posish? hmmm?
Everytime I meet a gay guy I always try to figure out who's on top and who's the 'bottom'. If I meet them in Person its often fairly easy to tell but not here since I dont Really Truly know what anyone is actually like in the flesh.
To be honest I dont know if I'm the 'top' or the 'bottom'. Ive never had sex so I wouldnt know. If I knew Id prob tell you lol. Im not sure how u tell I dont get out enough to figure out stuff like that. I'm pretty sheltered I think, I dont have a clue what 1/2 the sex stuff is about between guys.
My -very NT- friend got annoyed at me cos I never go out, dont have a job, & dont try to meet ppl & she said she'd leave me alone if I made an account at gaydar & I did but when it came up asking what sort of sex ur into (or something along those lines) I didnt know what 1/2 of them even were lol