rossco, sorry if I was being rude by correcting you. I wasn't trying to be rude.
Since this is a thread title 'Gay and Aspie' I really think I should post this here. There's this guy in my Chemistry class, his name is Dan, he's about my height (5'10"), brown hair (like mine), green eyes (like mine), but he's kinda muscular and he's more outgoing than I am. He was in my Math class last semester. I thought I'd get over my crush on him once the semester was over (him not showing up to half the classes certainly helped) and eventually the semester ended, me having barely spoken to him. Well this semester he's in my Chemistry lecture on Monday evenings and I think he's in my Chemistry lab on Wednesday evenings. I'm too shy to talk to him, either I'll say the wrong thing or I'll get all emotional about it. So I tried not to talk to him during the lecture today; instead I sat at the back of the classroom staring at him and daydreaming of what might happen. I could have said 'hi how are you' at the end of the class but I think he'd get kinda suspicious of my motives, as I've barely ever spoken to him after all those months of being in his Math class. So instead of trying to start a conversation after class, I decided it would be better to come here and talk about it first. Also, in the middle of class the teacher gave us a five minute break; Dan went to the washroom and I had a look at his notes to find out how his last name is spelled. Now that I know his last name, I know his college email address (everyone's email address here is firstname . lastname @ the URL for our college email). So am I better off emailing him tomorrow, or speaking to him on Wednesday (or Monday if he's not there)? And what should I say? Should I outright tell him about my crush (which is going to be kinda awkward, since I don't know if he's gay) or should I try to befriend him first (which is going to be kinda awkward, since I don't have the greatest social skills, particularly around outgoing, attractive guys like him). In the meantime I think I'll go home and try to get some sleep... if I can stop thinking about him.
Athie I think you're right. I'll approach him either Wednesday evening (if he comes to class) or Monday evening (I know he'll be there). I could've done it yesterday evening but I was just too nervous to think clearly. Anyway once I've befriended him I'm not going to come right out and say it, I'm just going to wait until the end of class and then we'll see.
It would annoy me alot to discover someone tried to make friends with me on the basis I might be gay. I'm not, so anyone even thinking it would annoy me and probably make me look stupid in the view of other people. I am neutral to the sexuality of others but I don't agree with making assumptions or making friends on the basis of sexual feeling when that is in doubt. It would be better to persue someone who is openly gay rather than someone who is attractive to a gay person, but may not even consider being gay themselves. I would forget about it.
So you're saying I shouldn't even try to be friends with him for any reason? What if it's not on the basis of him possibly being gay? After all he is in my class -- there's no reason why I should completely avoid him.
So am I better off emailing him tomorrow, or speaking to him on Wednesday (or Monday if he's not there)?
=== Talk to him. E-mailing may freak him out -- you know "How did you know my name? Why are you e-mailing me?" He might feel "stalked."
And what should I say? == Just say "Hey, were'nt you in my ______ class last semester? We're taking a lot of the same classes. What's your major? Have you taken _______ yet?
Keep it about classes and non-personal stuff at first. See if he's responsive. Who knows, you may not even like his personality after you talk to him. Right now it's just hormones...
Should I outright tell him about my crush? == NO NO NO NO NO. Most guys are prety retarded and reactionary about gay stuff. Don't lead with "I want to jump on you."
should I try to befriend him first (which is going to be kinda awkward, since I don't have the greatest social skills, particularly around outgoing, attractive guys like him).
=== yeah *sigh* that's the rough part. But don't rush it. First just be some guy he knows in class. Let things happen slowly, if they happen at all. It would be a mistake to make rash assumptions.
The built-in problem is that Asperger's often makes it particularly hard to pick up on the little subtle "is he or isn't he gay?" signals.
g o s l o w l y
Yeah it's just hormones. After all, it is late winter/early spring, the time of year when I feel most aroused. I will be sure to take your advice and take things s l o w l y and not rush things.
It's not just Dan that I have a crush on, there's this tall blond guy in my Chemistry class who I also have a crush on (but not as much as Dan). Tonight we had a Chemistry lab, and I noticed that he was sitting with two girls. So I said "I noticed that the three of you are sitting together. Does one of you not have a lab partner?" So the two girls did their Chemistry experiment together, and I got to work with the tall blond guy (I found out that his name is Chris). Everything went well, and Chris probably has no idea that I have a crush on him. I'm going to follow Max the Bear's advice and go s l o w l y with Dan and Chris.
I'm not really sure where I'd be able to go to meet other gay guys. I'm not actively seeking a boyfriend or partner at the moment. Even if I were, I'd have to be good friends with him before anything could happen. And I would have to be attracted to him.
Ziyartet, in case it helps quench your insatiable (yet always fiercely denied) fascination with homosexuality, it's a small minority of gay men who are exclusively "top" or "bottom."
So as to your gay-as-a-goose hobby of fantasizing about whether gay men are tops or bottoms, it's about as pointless as looking at straight men and trying to figure out whether they prefer a woman's right breast or left breast.
One thing to bear in mind though, is that straight people-even straight men-will engage in homosexual behaviour when they are deprived of access to women for lengthy periods of time. Im pretty sure thats what ancient greek soldiers did when they went away to war;and its Certainly what happens in American prisons.
That's same-sex behavior, not same-sex orientation.
as some idiot always says when anyone posts off topic, "BIRDWALK"
I guess what drove me to drive around there at night was curiosity....
Ziyaret, I have seldom seen a person so laughably un-self-aware.
It took a long, long thread, but it has finally become obvious why you hate "sluts" -- you're jealous because you wish you could do what they're doing -- having sex with men.
Wow... a lot of this is way outside my experience of being just plain ol' vanilla, ordinary, run-of-the-mill gay...
No -- by "minor" I meant under the age of independence and therefor totally dependent on your parents or subject to their legal control.
If someone's parents are at all likely to go berserk when a son or daughter comes out, it's usually best not to tell them until one is legally independent of them.
...they're just a tad uncertain, since none of us has had past experiance with gays.
Wow -- I'm really glad to hear they took it well. It can be surprising, coming out to parents; sometimes a person thinks the parents will go insane and throw them out of the house and instead they're good, loving parents and accept the kid.
Tragically, it is sometimes the opposite -- I've known kids who say "They'll be okay -- I know they would love me no matter what" -- and then the parents are horrible to them -- abusive, rejecting, blaming, even beating them up or disowning them. Congratulations on having much better parents than that.
Wow, Earthmonkey! What a story! It has always been very moving to me that "growing up gay" stories have such powerful commonalities, yet each is totally unique.
I just have to digress a little bit here but EvilZakkie likened the Autism civil rights movement to the Gay Rights movement and I really have to disagree. I think the autism rights movement should be modelled off of the American black civil rights movement rather.
How do you see the two movements as different, and why are you advocating avoidence of the gay rights movement? Do you know anything about either one?
EvilZakkie gave fairly compelling parallels.