Hi, and I'm bi, and have known for quite a while.
Ah, the club scene! In some areas, mine, for example, the only place to go to meet gay people is the gay bar, and we only have one. It is also the local hub for gay rights work, fundraising, and various other political activity. I would have to say also that there isn't just one gay culture, but many, and not all are meat market oriented. It's interesting to see the different queer groups get together for various activities, and watch the culture shock. Some gay bars are more than just bars.
In Seattle, there is a Gay center that has a library for queer history, meeting rooms for various groups that offer support, or are political in nature, a resource center to help gay people with healthcare, housing, legal problems, and a place for gay youth to meet other youth like them.
It does seem that queers are more accepting of differences in people for whatever reason. There still are some noobs in the mix, but in general, I feel more comfortable around gays than straights, and that's because I can be completely myself, queer, AS, whatever.
Metta, Jaye.
Hey, Rossco-
Being queer has nothing to do with being an outcast. I didn't "decide" to be gay because I was an outcast. I knew I was different that way from the earliest memories. I may not have known specifically, but there was something that I felt was different in how I related to other boys and girls. It was in my adolescence that I realized I had sexual and romantic feelings for others of the same sex, and that was not a welcome thought given my homophobic family.
If your son is gay, he's gay, and you can support him as you know doubt are right now. He will have to deal with the negatives society throws at him, but with your support, he will deal.
Odds are, though, he's not gay.
And that's okay.
Metta, Jaye.
No apologies necessary, Rossco-
As far as advice, all you can do is your best. My sister, who has a whole world's experience with romantic relationships, is the worst one to go to advice for on said issue. She plays the games, and holds grudges, and thinks white lies are okay if they further a relationship.
In the end, your son and daughter will have to figure out what works for them, as the best advice encourages and offers hope better than set in stone rules about how to act and what to say. Relationships are messy, and especially for Aspies, and so long as you're not judgemental and are supportive and rational when you need to be and be able to offer solace when necessary, I think that's what counts. I think this is true whether one's child is straight or gay or other.
What you can do for yourself before the issues come up is to do your own research, because it comes up sooner than one thinks it will. Sensible rules for dating and communication are important, and saved me a few times (granted, I learned this as an older adult). You can help your kids in that way so they learn it earlier.
That's my two cents, anyway.
Metta, Jaye.
Straight girl here...though maybe I should have been gay; then it would make more sense, why I love all things gay. Maybe it's that it's "different", and I like things to be different.
Also might help explain that one-girl letter-writing crusade I went on against Pat Robertson...
<hugs>
Athie
Richard,
Yike, tough one. I'd suggest getting to know Dan first...if you come right out and say you like him without knowing which team he plays for, so to speak, he might get defensive, as straight guys tend to do when the 'g' word comes up. Approach him as a friend, wait till he's comfortable around you, and if you think there's a good chance he's gay, then bring it up.
Fair warning - all I know about this sort of thing, I know from extensive watching of "Queer As Folk".
I wish I could help you out in person; I have fairly reliable gay-dar.
Good luck. <hugs>
Athie
Ooh, so now there's a blond guy in the mix too? I love blonds.
I'm glad you've decided to go slowly. If Dan and Chris turn out to have a problem with gay people, then of course they're not worth your time...but even if they're straight, you could at least end up being friends with them.
I wouldn't have "Hi, I'm gay" be the first thing you say to either of them, but I do agree you should let them know early on, casually. Something like, "Oh, by the way, I'm gay, that's not a problem, is it?" If they turn out to be jerks, at least you won't have wasted your time.
Good luck, and please let me know how it goes! <hugs>
Athie
I'm applauding your bravery, dear, and hoping you're right about Dan being bi. My fingers are crossed for you!
<hugs>
Athie
I've had crushes, but mostly distant ones, guys I'll probably never meet in person. I've never wanted to be in a relationship, which in high school must have made me seem insane to my friends. I just can't bear the thought of anyone being that close.
Maybe I'm not asexual, but I seem to be doing a passable impression.
<hugs>
Athie
<waves to newbies>
Richard, do what I'd do - always go for the blond.
Hmm. Gay and Aspie. You guys don't like taking the easy road, do you? Well, I'm of the opinion that people who are "different" are in order to help teach tolerance. Gods know we need a hell of a lot more of that...if only so I can stop screaming rude things at the TV whenever crackpot-Christians are talking.
<hugs>
Athie
I kind of lean towards what Max said about gender--though if someone can come up with a more compelling argument for why genderf****** could be considered queer I'll consider it. I lean towards "queer-friendly" for what Seven is doing, and though her gay boys id as "gay," their actual behavior is bi.
This idea of "gender queer" is more political theory to me as opposed to what we normally talk about, and I can understand that to a point. As for trying to communicate about it, it becomes confusing when people use different meanings for words we all use. We then enter that area of esoteric theory where it can become so convoluted no-one knows what anyone is saying.
Metta, Rjaye
Is it any more disgusting and dirty than heterosexual intercourse? If so, why? Sometimes straight people have anal sex.
You realize though that any thread concerning homosexuallity is likely to mention Buggery at least once.
I mean, c'mon now! There really isnt any other
hole to stick it in now is there...
Im EXTREMELY skeptical though that most male-male sexual encounters do not involve intercourse. Most men do have a fairly strong sex drive,
even if they prefer to shag men.
perhaps we can divert the tone of this thread away from the graphic details of the gay lifestyle and focus more on gays themselves....etc.
Washing someone's mouth out with soap is by far one of the most assinine symbolic punishments every invented. Saying words or discussing things which others find objectionable and/or socially inappropriate has nothing to do with oral hygiene!
Any of you folks been following the story of (soon to be ex-)Senator Larry Craig?
I sincearly hope none of you engage in *that* kind of behaviour
If its done in the bushes at night in designated parks, or isolated places thats cool. But in public bathrooms, especially at the airport is in rather poor taste.