G'day guys (and girls). OK I'll start with my usual disclaimer that I am tactless and sometimes express myself poorly, tec. Basically do not take anything I write as a personal attack it it not meant to be so.
Right now that is out of the way! LOL.
I understand from a previous post of Gareth that there seems to be a higher proportion of Homo-sexual and Transgender orientated folk in the HFA/Aspergic community. I am a straight male (with horrible luck in getting women, but straight notheless LOL). I have two children. My eldest is ten and has HFA. He is too young at present obviously to fully gauge sexual orientation. He was obsessed with a little girl Caitlin a year or so ago and said he was going to marry her when he was older, etc. Again this is not proof he will be straight or gay when he is older.
One thing I am concerned about is when he grows up he may be gay. Why does this concern me. For two reasons. The first is having a harder time being accepted and of course the discrimination an so forth he might recieve in addition to what he might already be exposed to. The other equally important concern is that I am not prejudiced against gay culture but do not have any real exposure to it. I want my boy to be safe and happy but don't know (if he comes to me for advice) what to suggest in terms of groups, meeting places, gay-friendly meeting places and the like).
One guy I knew from work when I was 25 was a gay man who came out of the closet when he was in his forties. He split from his wife and started living with his boss. He wasn't able to reconcile with his teenage children. *** I would hate something like that to happen with either of my kids. The only other gay person I know is my hairdresser. Nice young bloke. Glad he is homo-sexual. He is a good-looking bloke and it gives ugly blokes like me half a chance with girls even if he is in the same room. LOL.
Any advice appreciated.
Just as a thought to you think the suggested higher percentage of gays may be derived from the "social outcastness" of autistics. or do you think it may have to do with other factors? Obviously this would not explain "homo-sexuality" in its entirity but I was looking at whether it may partially explain the supposed increase in ratio. Just a thought.
Thanks Jaye. I guess I may have phrased the last paragraph awkwardly. What I was trying to say is; Aspergic or HFA people can be gay, straight or anything in between, as can non-autistic people. I too believe sexual orientation has little to do with learnt behaviour or choice. I have never felt any passion or desire for men and I don't choose to feel attracted to women. I believe that any attraction to any gender is the same irrespective of what sex you are. NT's though are more conformist and socially aware of conventions and the like. I was gauging perhaps incorrectly that their may be a lot more gay or bi NT's who refuse to accept their homosexuality whereas people with autism may due to their already social outcastness not concern themselves as much with embracing their being gay. Maybe if society weren't as judgement and all people were comfortable about and expressing their sexuality, statistical percentages may rise and we may find that both autistic and non-autistic people are on par statistically.
As I say it was a thought.
Sorry to hear your family was homophobic. Mine too. I can remember as I was so insular, socially incompetant and so forth when I was younger, I didn't really have girlfriends. My father never bought it up but I was told later, after he realised I had slept with women, that he was relieved I wasn't gay.
I wonder what kind of love and support I might have expected if I had of been gay? So you have my sympathies.
I will always support my boy and my daughter however I can and to the full extent of my capabilities. I just imagine that if my son asks me for relationship advice or any other advice on women when he is older I am going to be of very little use (I really do mean I am useless in this area), however if he asks me the same advice on gay men I am going to be 100% less useful and not even be able to suggest anything remotely helpful. That is the thoughts driving my first post. If I have offend or badly represented myself, I apologise.
Thanks Callista that is what I was trying to say in both posts. You have put it into much less waffly, meandering terms. Why do I find it so hard to put ideas from my head to the computer screen...arrgghhh!
Mate sounds to me that you are straight (ie yu desire women and not men) but that you are uncertain of how to be a boyfriend.
I know someone a little like that......
Not gay but not very blokey. I have no affinity with manual things, fishing, sport or the other kinds of things blokey blokes get into.
I am also, because of my nature, a man women quite often open up to and confide in. Unfortunately this is not in itself very macho or likely to be something that makes you in the long-run anything more than a good/close/special friend to them. Especially frustrating when they are single going after macho losers and then confiding in me their upset that things didn't work out.
OK calm rossco. Calm.
Had I have been gay I wonder if my chances had of been any better with the same sex rather than the opposite sex? LOL
Max the best way to explain what a bloke is....Have you heard "I'm a ***" by Alanis Morrissette. Here is te Australian version "I'm a Bloke" sung to the same beat and music:
Bloke - Chris Franklin
I hate the new age guys
I'm a chauvinist
I live on beer and pies
Tried to tell you,
But you look at me,
like maybe I'm an angel underneath
Haven't brushed me teeth.
Yesterday I lied
But all me mates
gave me a real good alibi
Thanks guys
I really went out drinking,
I told you I was at work
Don't ask me for commitment,
'Cause it's something I will shirk
I'm a bloke,
I'm an ocker
And I really love your knockers
I'm a labourer by day,
I piss up all me pay
Watching footy on TV
Just feed me more VB
Just pour my beer,
And get my smokes,
And go away
Or take me as I am
This may mean you'll
have to fetch another can
Rest assured,
That if I start to make you breakfast
I'm going to extremes
but tomorrow I'll get shitfaced,
and today won't mean a thing
I'm a bloke
I'm a yobbo,
and me best mate's name is Robbo
Winfield is me cigarrete
I dress in flanellette
Shearer's singlet that is blue
Throw in a few tattoos,
You know you wouldn't
Want me any other way
When you think
You've got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool
When I act like a tool
And my mates try to shave me
I'm a bloke,
I'm an ocker
And I really love your knockers
I'm a labourer by day,
I piss up all me pay
Watching footy on TV
Just feed me more VB
Just pour my beer,
And get my smokes,
And go away
I'm a bloke
I'm a yobbo,
and me best mate's name is Robbo
Winfield is me cigarrete
I dress in flanellette
Shearer's singlet that is blue
Throw in a few tattoos,
You know you wouldn't
Want me any other way
Ummm....yeah not quite like that!
Basically it has been used to describe being Australian. He talks very Ocker is someone who talks with an Aussie drawl and peepers his talk with Australian vernacular. He dresses Ocker a casual thongs, singlet, shorts kind of dresser. But generally Ocker is embracing very Aussie yobbo standards. A good endorsement to be given? Patriotically I have to say yes, but in the cultural question mark that would place over me....not so sure.
My apologies Rick I stand corrected...again.
Mate I feel for you. It definately sucks not knowing how to play the courting game. It is frustrating as hell for me and I am straight. In saying this what I mean is at least I can assume a girl I am motivated to persuing is likely to be straight or at least aware that men will persue her because of her gender.
I couldn't give you any pointers here, in either to adequately show your interest (as I am not NT) or to find out subtlely if he is gay (never had to do this myself).
Not much use at all really apart than to sympathise with a horrible situation I know very well.
Oh. Yeah...I dunno if we are fairly sexist. Sexism is an abstract concept and the reason it is hard to quantify is because like many such abstract concepts it means different things to different people. I think Australia is fast becoming less and less sexist and the "old-fashioned" values towards women are becoming obsolete. Is this an entirely good thing though?
I am by regards to my age and upbringing, sexist. I do tend to hold on to old fashion values. Many which I believe are virtues being weeded out of society by equality of treatment. I, perhaps stupidly, still treat women differently than I treat men. I do believe in being gentlemanly towards women no matter how out-dated the concept is. I extend courtesy and manners towards them to an extent I wouldn't in a fellow man, Australian or not. Guilty as charged.
Furthermore the Australian women I know do not see my behaviour as abhorent. I think Sexism is like all similar abstracts open towards misuse and it is unfortunate that our reputation as a society has been diminished for this reason. I am sure in 10-15 years with the passage of times we men and women will be treated the same. The days of lady-like and gentlemanly behaviour will not exist and then the international opinions of Australia being a fairly sexist society will not exist.
I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's and wanted to know if there were any other gays (men or women) in the group? I know how picky the gay community is anyway, so I wondered what an aspie's experience might be. I do have a partner (who doesn't GET the whole Asperger's thing) so I'm not looking to date. Just to chat with other gay Aspies about their experiences.
Author of Through the Looking Glass is both. He writes about it in book. Is a wonderful person. Has his own website. You may want to look him up if no one else materializes to share info with. Hope this helps. Mom of Hrick
EarthMonkey I do feel for you mate. Thanks for sharing. Glad life is a little more bearable. If ever you want to chat feel free to PM me.
I am not gay and can't pretend to know about what it is like being gay but I can listen and I can share my experiences of life as an autistic. I can be a mate to talk to in a non-judgemental way.
I figure that is what AFF was set up for.
Welcome Kilroy. Hope you enjoy AFF. I always enjoy your posts on WP.
I think that you are flat WRONG when you say that autistic people are not obviously(visibly) different. They most certainly ARE. Even before people knew anything about autism & asperger syndrome, they could tell right away that I was "odd".Aspies often have physical behaviours(including an "odd" gait while walking)that make them stand out in a negative way whereas gay men dont have much trouble blending in when they choose to do so. A lot of gay men seem to have finely honed social skills and use these to their advantage even though much of society does not approve of their sexual behaviour. Aspie men are seen by Women(especially white)as threatning because of their odd behaviours and are looked down upon for their bad social skills.The same is very true of black men in america(in australia too Im sure)who were wrongfully stigmatized as potential rapists of white girls. My shrink said in response to how I described the way people treat me as: "its like you're black and there's this silent racism".So I think much more can be learned by looking at what the black american civil rights movement has done.
I am not visibly different
BTW Rosco, maybe you arent obviously abnormal but I sure as Hell AM because of my "odd gait" as well as some mild but nonetheless noticeable stereotypies(which are not uncommon in people with Autistic Spectral Disoders)......................................................................................... BTW for you aussies(like EvilZakkie, etc.)
its my understanding that australian blacks are treated even worse than american blacks and australia has further in terms of (aboriginal)minority rights. I mean, from what Ive read they're still viewed as be "subhumans"
I think "normal" in terms of like others or in terms of as acceptable as the majority when applied to walking, talking and what have you, try to pass yourself off as white if you are black is not difficult - it is impossible. Try to hide your sexuality if you are gay or your autism if you have AS you have a better chance. I have no problem in admitting my 37 years of trying to fit in is reasonably successful. Not without any situations where I come undone in my efforts but is not a constant realisation from those around me.
As to your understanding (?) and readings of the indigenous Australians. I will say you are poorly informed and this shows in your comments on this. I would normally take offense at your assertions and probably correct you on this thread as you address these points on this thread. I won't though. I will PM you for your own benefit.