Aspies For Freedom

Parental control of adults with AS.

Do you feel that parents of adults with AS should be allowed to take power of attorney or other control over their adult child's life?

What criteria should be met before an adult is considered incompetant in making their own life decisions:  control of finances, career and educational decisions,  decision to live on their own, marriage, have their own child, lifestyles?  Should someone with AS ever be considered incompetant at managing their own life?  What criteria would be considered for them to be declared incompetant?

I have heard of it happening in the USA, but much less so in the UK.
A parent came to the chat room once and was discussing that she was applying to have parental control over her aspie son as an adult. He was only 13.
She said when she told him he would be upset, she couldnt give a reason why she was doing it except a vague 'something might happen'.

It was quite worrying as he didnt even know this was being done. I would think that he should be assessed at 18, and consulted before such a drastic legal action is implemented.

Unless someone is literally incapable of looking after themselves (i.e would starve to death if living on their own) then they should be given the same rights as anyone.

That usually would be done, and a guardian ad litem would be appointed to represent the teen's best interests.  Unfortunately, there have been some cases where the family lived in a small town, the parents were friends with the judge, and the judge took the parents' word for everything.

Well this woman clearly said that she could, and was about to, apply when he was 13.
So I am not sure if the process is different in various states.

Gah! Why, oh, why would someone want to do that?!? It just seems to be an attempt to exert totalitarian control over someone by a mildly narcisstic person. Bleck.

The only thing close to Parental Control in my house is that my mother has a carer's pension.

Also she is thinking of my not going to university because she can't stand the travelling.

This is not a problem right now but it may be when I start applying. I am thinking of doing the course I want to do by correspondence and maybe going to some clubs and activities so I don't travel every day.

She has been very supportive of my hopes and dreams since I became an adult.

Yes, I think parents should have control if the person can't seem to learn and doesn't benefit from help. I think almost everyone with Asperger syndrome and autism can learn and can benefit from help, certainly by the time they were an adult. And it doesn't matter how old. I am mainly thinking about young adults from 18-30.

There is a massive difference between helping someone and having power of attorney over them. A parent can help their adult child without stripping them of their rights.

Only if the person was badly impaired enough to be hopeless at handling money and unable to care for themselves. Mind you, a lot of people are bad at handling money and don't have disabilities. Nobody seems to suggest that anybody have a power of attorney over their affairs.

Even when the adult child is "impaired," they should be consulted and listened to on decisions made on their behalf!

I just found this site last night and read it, the whole thing, all the way to the end.   :shock:
http://www.gettingthetruthout.org/

An adult aspie's level of basic intelligence would be a factor relevant to any decision about their ability to run their own life. If a person has an intellectual disability, regardless of whether they are aspie or NT, that might mean they need to be controlled by someone else, but I know that these days even retarded couples are being allowed to raise their own children and live independently. We have one such couple living in our suburb, who's child goes to the same regular school as ours.

An NT can decide to abuse drugs, drop out of high school, fail to seriously look for a job, fall pregnant, fail to make appropriate preparations for the birth of their child (such as marrying the child's father, kicking a drug addiction, securing appropriate housing, reading up about parenting a baby, enlisting the support of family or friends, buying baby clothes and furniture etc), then have the baby and take it home from hospital, and no one can stop them from doing any of these things! I know this stuff goes on. I was once a patient in a foetal monitoring clinic of a public maternity hospital in which female drug addicts and female prisoners were other outpatients. I met a speed addict who's baby was not growing due to it's mother's drug habit. I listened while pregnant prisoners (guarded by prison warders) and an unmarried pregnant ex-prisoner gossiped about the prison social scene. NTs are allowed to get away with absolute murder in our permissive society. So why is everyone so hung up over controlling autistics!

At 18 (and personally I believe in some cases a younger age) you should have the legal right to move out from your parent's control. If this was on a case-by-case basis then I can guarantee a lot of us would currently be under extremely strict control from parents.

I think that once someone reaches 18 that they should be able to decide for themselves.  If they are not ready or have some competentacy issues that they can not support themselves, they should be given the option to choose their parents or the state's support.  Some people would actually be better off having the state help them than their families in cases of abuse.

Exactly! Spot on, brother!

And that's one thing both my parents haven't caught the grasp of yet. In my daily contact with the broader community around me, I find that quite a lot of other people in my parent's elderly age range that I often meet in my area are a lot more open, more understanding and more in tune with what's "out there now" than my very self-righteous, stuck-up and narrow-thinking parents and unmarried second sister put together (no offence to any of my immediate family of course, but that's the reality here where it concerns me and my relationship with them). My dad even has troubles now trying to work out what I teach him to do on his computer the day before, so I have to keep repeating the same lesson to him just about every single week! Yep - I really do need to get out of that very highly dysfunctional environment, and already I'm getting some assistance to do that and can't wait to get out of the "hell-hole" and into my own tranquil (and truly independent) living space very shortly (wish my luck every1).

I believe it is my job to give my children NOW, as they grow up, the skills they will need to manage their lives as adults.  Then I let go.  I realize there are exceptions, for some children are so severely disabled they cannot acquire the necessary life skills, but that is really a case by case determination.  I don't see my child as so severely different that he won't be able to learn to cope in the world.

Will he lead the life I would have chosen for him?  I doubt it.  Will he be free of pain and mistakes?  That, neither.  No one leads a perfect life, nor even a near perfect life.  If I've done my job, my child will, hopefully, lead a happy life.   Period.  I can't and should not define that for him.

Better that he get scammed a few times than never experience the resonance of self determination.

Where do you draw the line?  I think you need to watch your child as an adult and see.  How could you tell at 13 that your child is doomed to lack even basic necessary life skills?  I've known adults that cannot live on their own, but that is not defined by any label placed on them.  It seems to be more a personality issue, than a type of disability issue.  Is the person self aware enough to know their own limitations and choose their life's parameters accordingly?  That is all it really takes, to successfully lead your own life as an adult.

I would think it has to be a pretty severe case before a parent petitions to take over a grown child's life.  That isn't our job.  Our job is to supply wings, not cages.