Yes.
My boyfriend is an aspie, and frankly, I'm glad he is. Dating and relationships are damn confusing, the games males and females play with each other when neither wants to admit an interest of their own, but each wants to provoke an interest in the opposite party... with Josh it was a relief to be able to drop all that (I was never much good at it anyway) and just talk honestly about what we thought of each other, without wrapping our feelings in layers of confusing subtletly or burying them in the subtext. I guess because I was quite shy about the relationship thing myself, it helped to have him saying "Let's be straightforward about this because I won't get it if we don't" - being straightforward turned out to be a lot easier.
That applies when starting the relationship, what about keeping it going? Well I will admit that occasionally some of his aspie traits frustrate me a little, but what relationship doesn't have its frustrating points? He is still worth it, and treats me like a princess - interesting side effect of the aspie ability to focus strongly on one thing I think - which I love! (though probably don't deserve) And the advantage of being able to approach feelings in a straightforward manner rather than relying on guesswork to decipher the other person still stands.
However, I guess I should attach a bit of a disclaimer here, I am "weird" myself (and still have a teddybear, alright, I admit it) so may not be the best representative of NT girls in general. Also my little brother is autistic - and a lot more so than Josh - so that when he told me he was an aspie, my reaction was not so much to see it as a problem as to think "that's nothing"
What is a "Girlfriend"?
Yes... Honestly... I am utterly confused by the concept. I really only have been able to have friends... some are "Girls" and some have been sex partners...
As far as NT girls go....
I have tasted a few.... they taste odd...
My nature does not match theirs.. heck...I am more animal than human (I can fake it for brief moments though). Small talking is so tough for me. I honestly cannot believe many of the things that they do. And if you want to see something REALLY funny...put me in a room full of NTs.
I end up orating on this or that...and they watch with rapt attention then never talk to me again... I NEVER get invited to a person's house twice... no matter how well trained I act.
All my relationships (that lasted more than a couple of weeks) were with NPD women. Something I am tired of. (They eat your soul for breakfast, lunch and dinner) I wish I could be with an aspie(DDer) girl... then maybe I could try the girlfriend thing.
Of course they (the aspieDDers) are all with and interested in NPD men (or women)...sigh....
No lovin' for this Bonobo!
I had an NT girlfriend for about a year and a half until recently. It worked out for a while, but she couldn't deal with some things.
.
I'm affraid I may not deal. I'm affraid if I will deal and make it work I will have to change so much I will not be the same person he fancied in the first place...
I never know where i'll be in the next hours, I have many friends and an active social circle, I have no routine at all, I work, study and am an actress I change countries, I sing live in bars, I am colourfull exuberant and loud. I am everything that will hurt him... so should I be the one to be consequent and end beofre it rally starts?
leave to make him free to find someone that will be "adequate" for him?...
what if I try and I can't and he'll feel deceived and betrayed...? should I avoid that and back out asap?
leave to make him free to find someone that will be "adequate" for him?...
what if I try and I can't and he'll feel deceived and betrayed...? should I avoid that and back out asap?
Do you love him? That's the most important question.
Alison
It is because I do that I would let him free... it is because I do that I want him not to be hurt... makes sense?
I've had three NT girlfriends over the past two years... none of them have really worked out. One of my problems is that I'm too... how do I put it... overaffectionate? My first understood it, since it was - as she said - part of my AS... the second didn't like it at all; she thought I was too crowding. Same went for the third.
There was also the fact that I didn't really have much in common with them either, interest-wise... so now I'm just more interested in being single at the moment.
I'd love to see myself in a relationship with an AS girlfriend in the future though... somebody I can relate to.
Show him this email and tell him what you're feeling. He's the best one to ask! A lot of men (not always AS) who are quiet and non-sociable can be drawn to women who are super-confident because they enjoy the exuberance that they feel unable to express. He may be suprised that you feel this is a potential mesalliance and reassure you. Or he may agree with you that you should end it. It takes two.
Alison
it may be a good idea... we've been living such a nice together lately. I'm all butterflies and sighs!..
I think he knows how I feel. Because I've told him. We're always saying we should end everything but we just can't...there's thing strong thing that keeps so together. Yesterday he said he maybe better off alone totally alone... I'm not letting that happen at least as I can but I try to give him his space for his daily routines and such...
If he knew I'm here writting these things he'd be sooo mad at me!... he likes his privacy and this is just such exposure, thou you know nothing of who wer are still..
Nocti Thanks! I thought I my personality and way of being could come across as so annoying and paiful to bear... I am so out there, so busy and going all the time...He calls it maniac periods... :lol:
thanks lovely people!
This is mostly a male issue if your talking about astablishing a relationship, or anything intimate (even a 1 night stand). Now females will have a bit more complication in relationships once they kick off, but ultimately the man is the chaser, the woman is the chasee. So the woman usually holds all the cards.
And yes, sexual intimacy is a need. For the reasons I just mentioned often women can't grasp that, the same as most NTs can't. But it's listed in Maslow's heirarchy of needs and National Geographics will also tell you the same. This is likely the reason behind extremely high suicide rates amoung aspie males (I'm not saying to kill youself anyone, please don't anyone get the wrong idea and blow your head off). The problem that will persist no matter what is the number of willing females for all the males. But, I do think they should legalise prostitution. I also think prostitutes should be mostly paid by the local gov't rather than by the clientele, the client should pay a small affordable fee, seeing as ultimately prostitution grew as an answer to sexual deprivation, and most of the men not getting any are omegas, meaning not very wealthy.
Perhaps the local governments can sponsor hook-up lists too, like a legal database of singles, where they can try to match people on prooven criteria. The outcome would be near-guarantee success, eventually, no matter how attractive or unattractive the individual. If guy a and girl a didn't connect they could move to guy a and girl b, and so on.
Absolutely.
Having been married very happily for 13 years to a woman who has always loved for who I am and the AS that I am; it makes no difference if you don't let it.
Aspie innocence is highly valued as we do what the NT's only wish they could do. We say what we truly think, don't lie, are incredibly honest and very caring...against NT's who can lie, cheat, play politics & sleaze. You tell me.
I know that sounds bitchy, but disprove it!!
violet_yoshi wrote: "I think that is particularly kowaii"
Besides the fact that it's "KA-waii" that means cute. (KO-waii actually means "scary" - an innocent, unintentional mistake, I am sure.) But I digress.
Aspie woman says, men are hard to understand too. So it's not just you. Maybe she's as nervous as you are. Maybe you should join a club or something, and you can meet someone who's interested in the same things as you and you will have heaps to talk about. yay. :lol: [/quote]
And what about the girls who want to become porn stars? Prostitution now is as you say it is, but if you look at the way our society deigns relationships, you'd realize that it's pretty fucked up. The NT way of mating involves strict heterosexual monogamy, which as we've seen ends in a high divorce rate and lots of neurosis. I'm not saying marriage has no functional value, I'm just saying the way we do it has no functional value. Read some heinlein books and open your eyes. I suggest (strongly) "Time Enough for Love" and "To Sail Beyond the Sunset".
He has some good ideas, but you pretty much restated my point. However, strict heterosexual monogamy is pretty much what NTs like to idolize. Whether or not hypocritical behavior is their norm is beside the point. My point was that they try to force it on eachother and follow their ideal until they become neurotic and end up unfaithful and divorced. If they wouldn't enforce such nonsense standards on themselves in the first place, they might not end up so neurotic. The only pragmatic purpose of marriage (besides solidifying jealousy into a contract of law) is to provide a contract under which children can be raised. Who's to say that two parents is the optimal number for that anyway? Especially when it ends up one parent far too often. Four or six parents would be much better since the responsibility would be spread out over a group, and what if one child has special needs (kinda like us)? If you have two NT parents trying to do that, it's no wonder they go nuts. Keep this one thing in mind though: it's only being unfaithful if your partner doesn't agree to it.
Haplo, I respect your intellligence, but in this case because of your professed asexuality, you really can't know what you're talking about here. The sex drive is awesome and powerful, and I would be perfectly happy to make a living in the sex industry, though my NT wife wouldn't like "sharing" me with others. I think it'd be a lot more exciting than what I'm doing now.
WB
When did I profess that? I don't remember doing so at any point.. I'm a straight up horny bastard =\.
Ever hear of any cultures other than your own?
Yeah, and for a lot of those either don't have divorce or else it isn't a big deal. The main problem is that cultures like that are mostly African. They know nothing of VD or how aids is spread or even how it works. That makes things less than optimal, and the people who go to africa to 'help' them refuse to tell them why or how they're getting aids.
I agree that the state has no obligation to ensure the happiness of individuals, however the current state in America seems to have an agenda that includes banning certain things that many people enjoy but doesn't hurt others. If your happiness involves hurting someone else, the state can say no, however... Marijuana is no more harmful than alcohol and cigarettes, yet is illegal in most countries. Prostitution is currently a non-legal business, so prostitutes get none of the benefits of any other job and are given no means of safety from disease or anything else, can't unionize, and are at the mercy of their pimps, who are practically above the law as a boss.
I don't believe the state has ANY right to regulate those sorts of things. There is NO logical reason for doing so. Sure, if they have health concerns, they can say no to drugs which have harmful effects that go beyond the accepted norm (ie alcohol) and tell companies that they can't put poisons in their food because it's cheaper or manufacture things in an unsanitary way, or manufacture things in a way which is particularly unsafe for employees. No problem, those are GOOD ideas. Telling a dirt poor single mother that she has to work at McDonalds or has to work the streets in fear of disease or beating or death... no. There's not a single good reason why prostitution shouldn't be a business supported and regulated like any other.
People tend to be attracted to other people who are similar to themselves.
really?... It would be such a stale relation... cinrcling around teh smae thinsg all teh time... in my opinion.
and it doesnt seem too likely that an extroverted, "fun-loving", socially adept woman would not be bothered by a man who is socially inept-but then again for every rule there's always an exception.I personally have Never attracted women like that; quite the opposite.
yeah... I'm totally out there socially and manic as he calls me... I guess he doesn't like that... arh... Why can't I just let him go? :cry:
But, I do think they should legalise prostitution. I also think prostitutes should be mostly paid by the local gov't rather than by the clientele, the client should pay a small affordable fee, seeing as ultimately prostitution grew as an answer to sexual deprivation, and most of the men not getting any are omegas, meaning not very wealthy.
What woman would be willing to work as a prostitute for "a small fee"? This is not a realistic or kind idea. Difficult work deserves a suitably high payment.
A better argument for the decriminalisation / legalisation of prostitution is for the ability to monitor the health and well being of prostitutes.
And -- excuse me? -- WHAT EXACTLY is it that women apparently cannot "grasp" about sexual needs???!!!! >