Aspies For Freedom

Yeah... but whether or not they're good ones is another thing!

My one is lovely... sweet, caring, a bit ditzy at times, cute and gorgeous with big bear hugs

Although if I hadn't met her I'd be quite happily single because I hate dating and all the social niceties involved. And randoms trying to kiss me... YUCK.

I don't think the problem is can you not get a girlfriend because of having AS, but can you find a partner who loves you for you. Teenagers are so fickle for the most part when it comes to flirting, romance, love and sex and in my experience a lot of it is about picking the person with the right image, not the right person.

But my teenage years were hell and I never cared about meeting anyone anyway. I only started seeing people because I thought thats what you did. But hey... two awful relationships, an enforced debt problem by one using partner, and a heap of trust problems aggravated by the other later, here I am in one with a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with!

So it can happen.

IARM... from my experience, a lot of women seem to say they want the quiet, dependable, loving, loyal sort... but it doesn't seem that cool at a certain age, so they want outgoing people. I don't know. I don't understand women sometimes. They scare me at times.

You aren't alone!

Well if a certain twunt can get married, then yeah, there's hope for all of us.

I don't think Aspergers is a real issue in getting a girlfriend or boyfriend. In some ways, I think saying 'I can't get a girlfriend because of my AS' isn't that different to people who are emotionally frigid and downright hurtful/offensive toward others then trot out the 'Spock' bullsh*t excuse. I think AS has traits that make the socialisation aspects of finding someone romantically more difficult, but I don't think AS is exclusively the problem.

Like when my ex and I split immediately shortly (I scored out the bitchiness therefore I do not hold any bitterness, right?) after my AS DX, it provided a good window for me to take stock of exactly where my behaviour was doing for me. I've always wound up with useless oxygen thieves or emotionally needy limpets who restrict my airflow; I mean, everyone will have a moment when they look an ex and think "what was I thinking?!" but I've consistently done this with exes. I was having a flirtation with a really really cute girl who was sweet - then my second last gf appeared... I had no physical attraction to her, but I chose her anyway. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd chosen the other girl; I doubt I'd be with her today (it was 5 years ago, she was 17 and I was 19), but I'd never have chosen someone who was bad for me in every single way.

Sometimes people do have offputting behaviour that may be aggravated by AS but AS did not necessarily combine those traits into an unappealing package to whatever sex you're attracted to. I know I've wondered how much of me is AS/ADHD and how much is my 'true' personality; thing is, I'll never know and my personal belief is that tinkering around with my brain would change my personality a lot, and not into someone I would necessarily like. When I get impatient or run my mouth off, sometimes I wonder if its ADHD or me. I knew I was this personality before anyone slapped a neurotypical hybrid on me. My last ex told me that she loved my sense of humour but despised how confrontional I was. So for about a month I cowed completely - walked away from situations, kept my trap shut if someone was running their mouth at me, didn't even complain about my food in a restaraunt. And whilst I was probably more pleasant to be around, I had no sense of humour plus I had plenty of trash handed to me that I would never have dealt with. That is boring. That is stressful. For me, I have less stress in my life when I cut the stress factor off before its started. IRL people know not to f*ck with me either because I just don't take it. I can be extremely forceful and diplomatic. My point is that my predisposition to confrontation was linked into my sense of humour. If you remove one, you remove the other.

But there are things that are sometimes necessary to change. I used to be incredibly angry and short tempered. Its been quite a while since I lost my temper fully - I get extremely p*ssed off but I don't feel that same ball of rage inside me that I once did.

I don't believe in changing to attract a partner but if you're sat there saying all of the things you dislike about yourself, you give the impression of disliking yourself. If you don't like yourself, why should anyone else? Its cliche but its true. I like who I am; I'd date myself. By that I mean, I think I'm dateable. I think I'm lovable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking who you are. I don't think I'm all that physically attractive and never really have - I remember when I started thinking that I was going to make myself walk with a correct posture, and not always just stare at the ground, I started noticing people looking at me more. Mostly guys cuz for the most part, I do look 'straight' or possibly bisexual, but I did notice women glancing at me too. I have no gaydar whatsoever and I don't understand women so I have no idea if it was eyeing me up or not, but the point still stands. I think I've 'grown into' my body more - I'm 25 in a couple of months, I have a lot more sexual confidence and I'm a lot more certain of my own personality now.

If people don't think you like yourself, people just won't be attracted to you. And by liking yourself, I mean your personality. The second you start b*tching "no-one decent ever likes me..." is also a turn-off. You're making it seem, again, like you are undesirable. If you liked yourself - truly liked yourself - you'd have a quiet assertion that you will get someone cool. And if you don't like yourself - why? What do you need to improve in order to become someone you'd go for a drink with?

Most exes have found me to be emotionally distant and not particularly interested in them. I'd say thats pretty accurate; I don't like people who need my approval or attention 24 hours a day. I have my own life and she has to accept that I don't want her in every aspect of my life. Nor do I want to be in every aspect of her life either.

I consistently get told I'm a fantastic friend but an awful girlfriend. I'm not interested in playing these stupid little games - if you're pissed off then its not my problem. If you want to act like a complete fool, again, not my problem. Although saying that, I'm admittedly bitter towards women right now. Kinda sick of their bullsh*t and little mental/emotional games. I realise not all women are b*tches; just the ones I end up with. Karma, ladies, karna.............

And whats this meant to mean?

Because I'm offended by this tripe. I don't call judgement on other peoples' sexual preferences.

Ohhhh... Michelle. The things I'd do to that woman if given an hour alone with her.

And you don't get why I, and all other gay users of this forum, would find that offensive?

I'm not the one coming in passing judgement on other people's sexual preferences. And yes, I can read it quite clearly, but I find it quite peculiar how I'm expected to sit back and smile whilst someone forces their religion down my throat. Especially to tell me, and all other gay people, that we're not good enough to play in the Resurrection that not everyone believes in.

I see one person trying to start a fight here. And its not me. I asked what she meant - i.e., clarification. If thats causing a fight, well...

[/b]Excuse me?[/b] I don't walk around telling straight people what they can and can't do in their private life.

Her age is irrelevant. If she wants to make comments to adults about their lives, she can be criticised like an adult.

Telling someone you hope they don't sleep with people of their own gender in case they don't make it to the after-party is downright offensive. Its not an opinion. Its offensive.

People get sued and sacked for less.

But I'm terribly sorry that you find my being openly gay tiresome, QD.

Oh wait...I'm back at good old AFF, that allows its gay members to have their sexual orientation picked at in the name of religion. Every single time.

THIS.

I prefer honesty. Sugarcoating the pill does nothing for me.

If you don't like having your opinions on other people's lifestyles criticised, or you can't handle it - DON'T PUBLISH THEM PUBLICALLY. Its really very simple.

I find it very sad that people cannot have their words criticised without it automatically being seen as a personal attack. I asked Johanna exactly what she meant by her statement. Marcia chooses to wade in accusing me of starting a fight. One way to get someone defensive.

Again, its been reiterated time and time again that it is Johanna's words that are being criticised, not Johanna. Some lynch mobs are not quite as saccahrine and innocent as they would like to imagine they are. I can take criticism of my opinions just fine. No-one criticised Johanna as a person here.

Oh, and in the UK, if Johanna had made that comment at work, chances are, she'd have been in front of a disciplinary and sacked. God bless the Queen indeed.