Aspies For Freedom

I certainly hope we can! But in my case, perhaps not. I never had a date in my life, not until a few weeks ago. I asked this girl to the winter formal. I'm not sure if I messed it up.

We didn;t do too much dancing, or even spend all that much time together, because she preferred to be with her friends, and I wrote it off as first-dance shyness. I had been to dances before, but always alone. I know how to dance well- waltz, square, step, hip hop, freestyle, R&B, what have you. I kind of used up all my conversation material during dinner, and had not much left to say at the dance. Still, we had one good dance.

Anyway, then I didn;t ask her out again for a while, like a few weeks, because I was nervous, and now I hear that she does not desire to date me, but only to be a friend. So between self-hating wondering why they all want to be friends and nothing more and trying to solve the age-old question of what outrageously cute girls want, I have to figure out, with my lack of skill at solving social puzzles, whether she actually just wants to be friends or is playing hard-to-get. A mistep could either make me look like an obsessive creep or ruin my opportunity with the greatest girl ever. So it sucks to be me.

You see, I don't have luck with women. You get the message from the films that women watch these days that they should like the idealistic, eccentric, socially naive, artistic, tortured genius with a somewhat awkward social disposition, a wry sense of humor, and the best of intentions. They are supposed to like that kind of guy, according to the romantic comedies I've seen, but they do not. Which is why IAintRainMan here has yet to get a girlfriend.
It might also have something to do with my looks. Or maybe my fashion sense, which consists entirely of button-up shirts, long or short sleeved, with slacks and tweed jacket, maybe a hat in there too.

this seems to be a problem for me i dont think i ever will get a girlfriend cause im too different

As an extremely anti-social Aspie, I can assure you that it's definitely possible to find a girlfriend. The problem is keeping her. I'm three days from being 19, and I've had 3 "real" girlfriends - one when I was 16, one when I was 17, and one when I was 18. I actually coped extremely well with with these three people, except in one aspect for each girl -- I never really socialized with their friends, and they were bothered that I didn't have any non-internet friends. Eventually this became unbearable to each girl, and so they all broke up with me after about 3-4 months. I'm beginning to think that a non-Aspie girlfriend is going to be impossible for me. Two of the three girls I dated were pretty quiet and not very social, as well.

I'm guessing there's a hint of sarcasm in your voice, but I can't tell. I wasn't promoting being anti-social or anything.

The reason I've been able to have so many relationships is because generally, I've been in societies that have been conducive to finding a 'proper' girl for me. I've also been put in very easy situations for acquiring a girlfriend, something I'm having trouble with now. For example, as for my first "real" girlfriend, we were the only juniors in my advanced physics class in 11th grade, so we hooked up after she started talking to me. As for my second one (this was a very strange person), she choose me off of a tutoring list, and that's how we met. And as for my last one, she's my next-door neighbor in my dorm and we had the common trait of learning Japanese.

I also consider myself decent when it comes to one-on-one conversations, relationships, whatever; I just can't function in a group of three people or more. A 19-year-old giving advice to a 33-year-old is ridiculous, but I will say that if you put yourself in a scene where you're likely to find someone who's at least a little bit like you, your chances of getting a significant other will skyrocket (that's not necessarily to say that your chances are good, but very high relative to not putting yourself in such an environment). I worry that in the future I will no longer be forced into these situations where finding a girlfriend is easy (all scenarios have been out of my control), and that in the future I will just be secluded to my own little world.

I have a g.f. Too bad she lives thousands of miles away, in a different hemisphere. >.<

I'm leaving as soon as possible.

Leaving the U.S., I mean.

Philippines.

I can easily answer yes, you can, once the mutual attraction is established you will need to state a few facts.
If she is feeling emotionel she will need to express everything verbally and clearly with as much logic as possible.
She will also need to know if you need time alone to indulge in your specific interests and that it doesnt mean you dont love or need her.
and Im gonna add this because its the most important from my experience, if you have difficulty praising or complimenting you need to make an effort to express verbally every "nice" thought you have about her or the time spent together for example  if you like her perfume,tell her.If you enjoyed her compagny during a film, say it out loud etc etc every "nice/confortable/cosy" thought needs to be said out loud so she knows your are enjoying her compagny ( women thrive on positive feedback) the more you express your appreciation the better it gets.

I'll quote someone elses statement on the board when I saw it takes a special girl to embrace a relationship with a special man.

My boyfriend has numerous routines sleeping/eating/sport/counting steps that I participate in and by now actually accept as the "norm" many of the stranger habits like eating the skin off my feet or singing out loud at work/in the street/in shops etc were alot harder to accept because of the eccentric nature of them. Today he says he has finally met someone who functions with him instead of against him on a daily basis.
Embracing and fulling participating in his daily routine has made us closer, I know some NT's will think Im making life "too easy" for him doing this but Im taking it as though he was from a different culture ( say arab or maybe asian) and Im learning from him and adapting to him in every way I can.
We share a unique closeness up to a point when he and I sometimes become one in his mind, and for this I am very thankfull.

Good luck to all you special men out there

not sure how relevant this is as there is too much here for me to read but can we get a girlfriend?... id say yes!

being an aspie myself ive been told by most of my ex girlfriends that they have much preffered me to any of their ex-boyfriends as they found me adorable and my "traits" cute and entertaining...... however...... there have been a few that havent been able to deal with it though soooooo i suppose it depends on the indevidual just like any other NT relationship..... but i do think honesty is important from the start...

I'm pretty sure that male AS are more extreme than most average men in this and a few other aspects. Average men has more problems understanding the subtle signs that women give, but AS men are completely lost when confronted with them.

There's a simple way do deal with this, though. Even before I realised I had AS, I made a deal with my girlfriend that she should always be explicit. I also taught her that when I say something that can be interpretted positively and negatively I usually mean the positive interpretation. Luckily my girlfriend has four brothers, which made it easier for her to do this.

Having said that, I've had my first relationship at the age of 19 and haven't been single for more than a few months ever since. My girlfriend and I are currently 5 years together.

The trick that did it for me, was the Internet. Get to know a girl via MSN or AIM and she won't spot most of your defects. She'll treat you like your average guy. If you then manage to portray an interesting personallity, she can fall in love with you before you even meet. If that happenes, unless you completely screw up, there's a great chance you become lovers when you actually do. It worked about three times in my case