Aspies can have perfectly good relationships, we just have to find the right person, just like (wait for it) NT's
The only difference is that there are just fewer people out there that are tolerant enough to be in a relationship with us... kinda reminds me of the whole sperm egg thing... maybe humans just have a two tiered version of that process... and now I'm going off on a tangent... yay....
Its all in how you look at it,
Its working okay for me...
I never had a g/f that was an aspie like myself. they have all been as you call NTs i have always put my heart and soul into the relationship and they always end up leaving, other times when I have broken up with an NT girl it has been because she expects to much or they don't apperciate me for me...
many of them had no idea that i am aspie since I am extremely high functioning they never had any inclination that anything was up... they did notice the traits such as one said once "you seem to put up a wall and only let certain people in, your such a great person and have plenty to give, why do you have to be so distant and cold towards people".
its hard for me to talk to girls, usually a friend hooks me up or the girl is extremely forward. (I am fairly attractive thus those that are extermely desperate throw them selves at me from time to time) NT girls send all kind of mixed signals that are hard to grasp, i try to talk to them but after awhile I tend to give up.
I would be intrested in talking to a few aspie girls, see if they are really any differnt from NT girls, but at the same time this idea of an aspie community is very new to me... i dont know if anything ive said is valid or not but thats my 2 cents anyway.
Personally I need someone that is really forward, I need the exact opposite of myself...
Also it seems that that is the only sort of social interaction that I can really say I enjoy, I'm not overly good at it and it still requires a fair amount of energy but its worth it none the less.
ask her, be derect, she may be to shy to ask you.
the phone book should have it, if you know her parents's names.
And yes, sexual intimacy is a need. For the reasons I just mentioned often women can't grasp that, the same as most NTs can't.
This is a very old fashioned idea, and completely incorrect. Women also need sexual intimacy. Many women do not get enough sexual attention from their male partners. It's a matter of meeting someone who has a similar drive, not "women can't grasp that."
But, I do think they should legalise prostitution. I also think prostitutes should be mostly paid by the local gov't rather than by the clientele, the client should pay a small affordable fee, seeing as ultimately prostitution grew as an answer to sexual deprivation, and most of the men not getting any are omegas, meaning not very wealthy.
What woman would be willing to work as a prostitute for "a small fee"? This is not a realistic or kind idea. Difficult work deserves a suitably high payment.
Your talk of women "not grasping things", and being made available to you for use for a small fee is dehumanizing to say the least. This extremely misogynistic attitude is far more likely to be the cause of your single status than AS.
I have a date tomorrow, with another Aspie woman.
Maybe this could be my third relationship...
Tim
good luck.
I can get them - keeping them is the difficult bit. Apparantly I'm passably good looking, and over the years I've learned to manage more of the behaviours that might put people off. I only got diagnosed recently, so I'd put some time and thought into managing anxiety, depression and my social 'presence'. I find not saying something is often better than saying it, but I've also trained my voice so people like listening to me (even worked as a storyteller). I've learnt how to appear to take an interest in someone, too (sometimes I really am interested in them, especially if they have some quality or character that I want to learn more about for my own benefit).
I find internet dating very useful, since I can do the initial stages of getting to know someone without having to work too hard. It makes it easier to be comfortable with them if you do meet. Rejection is easier to walk away from too. I do find it harder in RL, but it happens from time to time - keep smiling, don't actually say most of what you're thinking, continue learning more about NT face/body language and leave yourself open to the rare, but wonderful, forward modern woman.
Way back in this thread there was a link for an AFF friends/dating site - it's broken. Does the site still exist? Is there anything similar? or failing that...
Hi
single aspie, seeking similar for stuff and so on.
It really concerns me that you seem to be denying your true self so much in order to find a girl. Surely the mask has to come off at some stage and then she might feel she has been tricked?
Interesting idea - I am the real me, just a different real me than if I'd spent that time doing something else. If I'd trained my muscles, would I still be the real me? I've learnt to manage anxiety and depression so that they impact less on me - I don't feel I'm cheating myself or anyone else. I've learnt how to communicate with a wider selection of people - that's real, and it's valuable. I've trained my voice - that's still real, though I no more feel defined by it than I ever have. Your 'real me' is not the 'I' of the ego.
There is no 'mask' - no more so than anyone else getting to know someone. I've never known anyone to feel 'tricked' by me, though some may have learnt that first impressions are no real guide to the compexity of actual people.
No, there's more. If I'd learnt to suppress a stutter would I have betrayed the 'real me'? Where do make-up and underwired bras fit into that world view? (not that I make a habit of wearing either).
Besides, I don't do it "in order to get a girl" (or even a woman). That's a beneficial side-effect. Given that my encounters with women have been as often damaging as not, I don't 'try' at all - but I'm happy to leave myself open to encountering more of them.