Aspies For Freedom

MY question is, can an aspie ever get a BOYfriend?  I've been wondering that for years.  So far, for me, the answer is this: no.

"Personally I need someone that is really forward, I need the exact opposite of myself..."

As an NT, my boyfriend and I are "opposite" in some ways that do, indeed, work really well for both of us. BUT it's also an advantage that I have some fairly Aspie traits and that I'm ADHD enough to understand the "non-NT" experience. When something needs to be handled in an NT way, I do it. And his focussed Aspieness keeps me from spinning into space with my ADHD.

One problem for my boyfriend in past relationships was that the partner was very "social" -- always wanting to go out and party and socialize. That was miserable for Erich. But part of my semi-Aspie nature is that I hate and dread "socializing" as much as Erich does. So we're very happy to be home with each other, with no pressure to go hang-out with others.

Corection.

Giving you 2 weeks to worry and stress about what you are going to say to her.

Just approach her and ask her if she wants to do something with you like go out to the cinema or something and take it from there.

I'd try and get some background about her first, does she have a b/f, what does she like or have an interest in but not too much info so it looks liek you are stalking her.

Some people deal with it better so don't feel like you are missing out, there are things that you can deal with that I might struggle with.

Bear in mind if you got involved it may not work and you lose teh friendship.

Better to be a bit picky than losing your virginity to the wrong person and then regretting it the rest of your life.

Non consensual ie: pressured into it. Yes, that would cause lifelong regrets.

The possibilities that aspies can get bf:s/gf:s is the same as with non-aspies. I was romantically involved with several women aged 18 and older during my twenties 1987-1993. I remember them all. Was I successful? Not really! Mainly because I was very immature and that I really didn't know the first thing about relationships. And the small things that I knew was by all accounts, misconceptions etcetera.

During the fall of 1987 I became very good friend with a young woman as we were the students at the same school (not the same class), and we would spend a lot of time together. Everything was merry merry merry, until one night in the shift between january and february 1988, when a friend of this woman approached me at a party and almost attacked me with the words that my good friend was In Fact, In Love With ME; Don't You Understand That??? I replied sqeamishly that I hadn't understood that at all. During the next two months I made several mistakes; the biggest was giving in to my friend, thus becoming romantically involved with her, because, suddenly I had the chance to get laid. I liked her. I didn't want to lose her friendship. I thought that I was only giving her what she wanted; Me. But it turned out to be a whole of a lot harder than that. I haven't really spoken to her since then. So she doesn't know much about my twisted reasoning that lay behind my actions. I thought it would be easier for her if I just made a clean break and then just ignored her and her friends. Stone Face.

I'm in a rant mode. Been in it for the last hours...

Ah, I don't quite understand this.

It really concerns me that you seem to be denying your true self so much in order to find a girl. Surely the mask has to come off at some stage and then she might feel she has been tricked?

Then again it is a real dilemma if the only way to even get started is to pretend a bit. It's like trying to find a job when the appearance of social acceptability becomes more important than the person's abilities and personal qualities.

Maybe, up to a point.

In my case the answer is no, not that I have every tried. I do wonder how some people who post very similar 'emotions' ( regarding other humans ) to me then turn out to have a wife or a girlfriend. That I don't really understand. I assumed getting so close to someone as to marry them ( I know alot of married collegues/ relatives ) would require very intense emotional contact which I don't understand or feel inclined to care about. That does puzzle me a little.

despite what I have said previously I would really love to have a girl friend and enjoy intimacy. I look in envy at people who are confident in this respect. certainly I am lucky not to have to deal with the emotions of other people and thats what makes it hard. I think I want the good times and not the bad, I understand that doesn't 'make' a relationship. Or does it?

I don't think you necessarily have to have a car to date. If you are on the main transport routes or can afford to get taxis, you can still have opportunities. Using the train or bus means you might meet the same commuters each day and perhaps one of them would be the girl of your dreams.

Could you move overseas?

GuessWho, if you moved to Britain you might be able to meet up with Aoelienne.