For some odd reason that I still to this day cannot comprehend, while in my late teens/early twenties, I used to be hit on by middle aged men quite frequently. First time it happenned I was all set to go and have a drink with the fellow, thinking i'd made a new business contact, until a coworker warned me as to what was going on. I was oblivious to his intent. Looking back, his interest in whether or not I had a girlfriend should have set off alarms in my head...
How peculiar, thankfully your coworker explained it to you - but I can see how in the business world it would be hard to tell the difference. After all it's normal to invite male colleagues for drinks, from what I can gather.
It seems about 90% of the time that girls/women give me attention or say something "flirty", it's from girls I have no interest in whatsoever.
I didn't get hit on that often but the proportion was probably about the same. The problem is the kinds of people who tend to just approach strangers and propose in a sexual or flirtatious way are often people that are either drunk or just otherwise "too intense", and not people that MOST people would even want to talk to.
It is easier in the working environment, or in a school, to get to know people and observe them I guess, and when someone approaches you in that kind of situation it can be quite "harmless" at first (i.e. just go for a drink), so both the inhibition to approach someone is a bit smaller, and it's not so "full-on" as to be embarrassing for the person being approached.
For I have read that women use "sharp" signals that can be tough for any male to read (especially for an Aspie, I would suppose), I would guess "extra eye contact" would be an example of this...? Any other ones?
I don't know about eye contact (it's difficult for anyone to make eye contact with me in the first place) but looking in your direction, and possibly turning to their friends and whispering to each other. Even giggling, but there the problem is how do you tell if they are really finding you attractive or if you're walking around with your zip undone and they are giggling about that?
I have had some of these things occur before, but most often from girls who I wasn't attracted to (for lack of a better word.)
That's the problem, as I said in the other thread. People who approach you or flirt with you are often not the people you would WANT to do so.
Anyhow, just last week I had some bubbly schoolgirls give me a compliment that I am quite sure was directed at me (I was the only one in the parking lot so far as I could tell).
Schoolgirls creep me out. I'm not entirely sure why, certainly no trauma from childhood as we never had to wear school uniforms.
I'm sure you might find that amusing, especially if it was me walking around with the zip undone.
Not in the least actuallly - I want to tell the person about their mishap, but that puts me in the position of having to intiate a conversation, which isn't always easy.
It's easier when I am SURE about something, i.e. yes zip open is clear-cut, you can see that and once you have said what you want that's it, case closed (and zip closed).
But for example seeing someone waiting at a bus stop when you KNOW that the bus actually stops on the others side (the door is on the left so in a one-way street, that is where one MUST enter the bus, even if like at Wakefield train station, the sign is on the wrong side), that is tricky, because you don't know for sure if they are actually waiting for the bus. So the conversation has a good chance of not going the way you plan, because they might say something unexpected rather than say "Thank you, I hadn't realised".
I am getting better with taking the plunge in those situations though, because I know I am under no obligation to respond to someone whose reaction I can't understand. And if push comes to shove I can walk away or use a standard phrase like "Sorry, my mistake", rather than trying to explain at great length how I came to the mistaken conclusion.
I would never do such a thing on purpose, of course. I am the most buttoned-up, solitary, contained individual you'll ever find.
That would certaintly be an unusual way of trying to attract female attention!
Simple rule: on receiving a compliment, just say 'Thank you' and go on. You have the permission to feel happy, though. No further reaction or action needed.
Good advice. If they meant it, they might initiate a conversation, if they were "mocking" for some reason then it will leave them lacking the satisfaction that their mockery was unsuccessful.
They weren't mocking, I am certain of that.
I wasn't talking about "your" schoolgirls but about the advice given for general situations.
Why is it you miss so many of my "social reciprocation" cues that I very obviously have, in between the lines?
Do you have trouble reading between the lines?
That was a cue for you to respond to the joke, in a positive manner. I am sure in an NT board, I would have had my reciprocation.
You on the other hand just took everything literally.
Well on an AS forum you can't expect people to read between the lines, I've tried to explain this to you before.
PS: I was aware that the
indicates a friendly/jokey comment, however since a lot of people
do find it funny to mock people who walk around with their zips undone I felt it necessary to point out that this actually distresses me because it puts me in a position where I have to initiate a conversation.
Why would you have to point this out? It is the kind thing to do, of course, but you don't HAVE to do it.
Because other people do make fun of those things, and I can't bear the thought of people making fun or spurning someone. That is one of the few areas where I feel "too much" empathy, or rather where I often assume people 'suffer' when they don't necessarily do so.
For example at markets etc. in my mid teens I would always feel obliged to buy something from the one stall nobody is visiting, because it made me feel guilty of sorts and I would expect the person at the stall to be really upset that nobody wants to buy anything from them.
(Of course it's not like nobody goes to that stall when I'm not there/not looking, but still)
It's not just with people though. If there are 2 products that are similar in a shop, and one looks like what people would laugh at and say that it's old-fashioned or a bit rubbish, I will feel sorry for the item in a way and sometimes end up buying it because of that. Or if not, I feel guilty for not having done so.
It's just not that big of a deal, IMO. Let someone else alert him.
If someone wants to know, after the fact, why you did not alert him, you can always pretend you did not notice.
I really do not like that "let someone else deal with it" attitude. I'm the kind of person who can't stand to sit still while something "isn't right".
It is dishonest to stick your head in the sand, although yes I must admit there are times I do this too, for example not speaking up on the bus (as long as I know *I* will be on time) when I know it's going the wrong way. I know intellectually that other people need the bus to be on time to get to work on time, so I feel a bit guilty for not speaking up.
But is it truly "not right"? What harm is his undone zipper causing at that moment?
Not the zipper as such (although it is one of those things that niggles, like pictures not being straight). More the potential of other people mocking the person walking around unawares. The anticipation of such behaviour makes me very uneasy.
I'm just being philosphical here. I alert other men when I see them in that situation. BTW, I think even NT's find it an akward thing to have to point out.
I am sure they do, in fact the impression I have is that it's "not the done thing" but for me it's a case of, "I think this person would prefer a stranger pointing it out discretely, instead of walking around in 'important' places and around people important to them - work, someone he or she is trying to chat up etc. - with their zip open."
You will not let an unzipped zipper go, because that would not be honest, but you will not overcome akwardness to point out the bus is travelling on the wrong route?
With the bus it's mostly a case of being stuck in one train of thought (either just gazing out the window, or thinking about something intensely, or listening to an audio story or just "not thinking at all and just being"), and even though the awareness of something not being right is tugging at my mind, it's not always enough to snap me out of it and allow me to speak up. (There's also the matter of it not always being certain, and I hate having to initiate conversations where I can't anticipate the response - if I know I'm right then it's easier)
However if I am aware that the bus is already a bit late, and am therefore already paying attention to this, my mind is prepared to do something. Similarly, if I vaguely notice it may be going in the wrong direction, and then see that we're already late (thus the detour of 5 minutes would make me miss my connection), that is usually enough to snap me out of whatever I'm locked into.
Quite noble of you, even if the suffering you project will happen does not occur.
Thanks, I just wish I could register and act more easily when someone actually needs me to do something.
LOL. Feeling sorry for inanimate objects is something I have done a bit of myself.
I am putting off replacing a defective item in my fish tank (specificallly, a powerhead/pump) - I have the new one ready to go, still in the box. But the old one worked so well for so long, I somehow feel I am being unfair to it by replacing it. It works well enough for a while if I give it a good wack, so I should adjust to that and accomodate it. Quite silly, really. Would take 2 minute to replace it.
Yes exactly. If I "fall in love" with a new product sometimes I can easily replace old ones but if it's a case of just replacing it because it is wearing out I feel massively guilty. I even apologise to furniture and phones etc. if I as much as tap them by accident.
*Sigh* but if it's not that uncommon, does that mean that the products left behind in the store are actually the ones that don't need my compassion? 
Remember, emotion plays a big part in marketing. If they can make a buck by guilting someone in to purchasing a product, they will.[/quote]
I wonder if they every had adverts where a product is pushed by showing it crying on its shelf
(And yes I do not like "false" requests of pity)
I buy food items that are approacing expiration date if I know I will likely use them before they expire (or can at least convince myself that this is so), even when there are later dated items of same on the same shelf. I hate the idea that they may go to waste.
Me too, I do have to remind myself that "the supermarket" isn't going to go and cry its eyes out if I buy something that doesn't run out today, and end up eating it today anyway. But I am very conscientious and unless there is evidence a food may be too close to spoiling, if I'm going to be eating it today there is no reason to buy something that could last for another week.
I might add that this has led to my unintentionally giving my children slighly soured milk on more than one occasion.
Oops... I used to *not* buy nearly out of date stuff when the local supermarket was having problems with their chillers, because I'd bought so many things that were off I became wary. They work great now though 
(this thread certainly has gotten off topic, hasn't it? Perhaps I should post a picture of spoiled milk?)
Cheese would do, at a push