04-19-2006, 04:32 AM
Thought I'd post some of my writing. I wrote this as a really bad joke that took too long to tell.
It was in the time of the great banana
When the Blue Burritos were threatened by Those-Who-Come-from-Beneath-the-Waves
And the burritos of death were walking.
The time of year was the migration of the potatoes,
When the northern marshes were at the most fertile
And their seasonal inhabitants unthreatened by teratogeny.
Vast and wide was that storied plain that the poets sang of old
Mighty the ancient trees and fairly yellow
Were it's waters, the soil black and fertile
Yet one year, before the great banana had breathed Its last
The seasons were arranged in dark and mysterious ways
The ancient cycle upset by wicked men of great and unmerciful power
As the potatoes soon would learn
A lone burrito stood, watching
To bring news of its coming
The migration of the great northern potatoes
Nothing would seem to be wrong
As he stood upon the oracle tower
Watching as they came
Nothing was seen different,
And so the peace continued
As it had for so many years.
It had been so since before the oracle towers
Since before the line of the Great Banana
Since before the bananas themselves had come to be
(but not, may it be known, since before the Change)
But now a second change was imminent across the horizon,
Beyond the power of the Oracle Towers to hear
In the land of the blue burritos
Those-who-come-from-beneath-the-waves
Had raised a mighty rampart against the city of Bean-upon-Tortilla
And it was feared that the city would fall
Terror reigned throughout the shining capital as the great siege went on
And Those-Who-Come-from-beneath-the-Waves brought only more and more
Soldiers to bring the burritos down
Then came there in the blue burrito capital
An apparition the likes of which has not been seen
Nor but once will ever be again in that fair and fargone city:
The burritos of death were walking
And they came unto the Great Refried
The Blue Burrito General, and told him how to save his city
As long as his end of the bargain was fulfilled
"You must build a shrine" They said unto him
"And every seven years you must dance around it
"Like the monkeys that were your fathers"
This last he did not understand
But desperate were his people
And his troops were faltering
"We will do as you say" he said
For he had never dealt with the burritos of death
And their ways of trickery that had felled so many before
Were unfamiliar to him
The shrine was raised and the death burritos left
To work their foul magic upon the land
For the potatoes were soon in their coming
All-unknowing, they entered the great northern marshes
And slowly the dark magic worked its effects
As Those-Who-Come-from-Beneath-the-Waves began to weaken
The battles wore on (and the seasons)
And the armies of the ocean were focused on one place
They HAD to take this city
Their supply lines dwindling
They raised the rampart higher, higher
Until a sound was heard over the horizon:
The metamorphed potatoes were coming
Ugly and thundrous they were, robbed of their former majesty
By the dark Burritos of Death
Yet their power was far greater than any that had come before
Many leaves early they had come
For the suspension of the ancient balance
So much had been disrupted
On and on they came
And Those-Who-Come-from-beneath-the-Waves were surely put to flight
But no burrito was out of hiding to see
When they came out of their shelters
And they looked about and saw
Those-who-come-from-beneath-the-waves were gone
They announced a celebration
They sent their fastest runners
To the greatest cities of Blueburritoland
And the wiliest merchants to the Bananas
Only the highest quality ales were sought
the most majestic wall hangings
The most exotic banana dancers
Yet when the runners returned, they brought devastating news
For within the gleaming walls of Bean-upon-Tortilla
Stood the last of the blue burritos
All celebration was canceled and the merchants recalled.
The greatest wailing arose and in great anger
Was the accused shrine torn down
And fear touched the heart of Old Refried
For now walked again within the city
The darkrel shades of the death burritos
Haughty and accusing
"Your people tore down the shrine
"That promised you to dance about each seven-year that passes
"What have you to say?"
And anger took upon Old Refried at the suffering of his people
For he was truly a great general
And walked as one of the commoners
And answered this far-gone leader "You sent the potatoes to destroy us!
"They trampled those-who-come-from-beneath-the-waves
"And our greatest cities with them!
"The pact has been dissolved!"
Then smirked those shades of wickedness
Of dark and ancient tricks
But truthfully next they spoke:
"We promised to preserve your city
"Of bean-upon-Tortilla
"No mention did ye make of all the others"
"But if you say our pact's dissolved
"Then mayhap it should be
"And we will forget the shrine"
"But hear this now, oh General
"Your city now must fall
"Your lands be taken by beasts
"Henceforth shall you live dispersed!"
"Not less than five thousand years shall you wail for these walls
"And then only until one shall come among you
"Who will remember the deal we made
"And pay the ransom we place upon your heads
"Begone! This city shall be leveled within the week
"And all within it too."
And that is why today
The green Burritos speak
So close a tongue to the Blues within the cities
To the southrons with the Taquitos
And the Great Eastern lands of Scrapple
And pancake people of Tomar.
But greatest of these lines now live
Within the land of the Bananas
Who still remember their most ancient tongue
And the songs and stories
And high traditions
Of Bean-upon-Tortilla
It was in the time of the great banana
When the Blue Burritos were threatened by Those-Who-Come-from-Beneath-the-Waves
And the burritos of death were walking.
The time of year was the migration of the potatoes,
When the northern marshes were at the most fertile
And their seasonal inhabitants unthreatened by teratogeny.
Vast and wide was that storied plain that the poets sang of old
Mighty the ancient trees and fairly yellow
Were it's waters, the soil black and fertile
Yet one year, before the great banana had breathed Its last
The seasons were arranged in dark and mysterious ways
The ancient cycle upset by wicked men of great and unmerciful power
As the potatoes soon would learn
A lone burrito stood, watching
To bring news of its coming
The migration of the great northern potatoes
Nothing would seem to be wrong
As he stood upon the oracle tower
Watching as they came
Nothing was seen different,
And so the peace continued
As it had for so many years.
It had been so since before the oracle towers
Since before the line of the Great Banana
Since before the bananas themselves had come to be
(but not, may it be known, since before the Change)
But now a second change was imminent across the horizon,
Beyond the power of the Oracle Towers to hear
In the land of the blue burritos
Those-who-come-from-beneath-the-waves
Had raised a mighty rampart against the city of Bean-upon-Tortilla
And it was feared that the city would fall
Terror reigned throughout the shining capital as the great siege went on
And Those-Who-Come-from-beneath-the-Waves brought only more and more
Soldiers to bring the burritos down
Then came there in the blue burrito capital
An apparition the likes of which has not been seen
Nor but once will ever be again in that fair and fargone city:
The burritos of death were walking
And they came unto the Great Refried
The Blue Burrito General, and told him how to save his city
As long as his end of the bargain was fulfilled
"You must build a shrine" They said unto him
"And every seven years you must dance around it
"Like the monkeys that were your fathers"
This last he did not understand
But desperate were his people
And his troops were faltering
"We will do as you say" he said
For he had never dealt with the burritos of death
And their ways of trickery that had felled so many before
Were unfamiliar to him
The shrine was raised and the death burritos left
To work their foul magic upon the land
For the potatoes were soon in their coming
All-unknowing, they entered the great northern marshes
And slowly the dark magic worked its effects
As Those-Who-Come-from-Beneath-the-Waves began to weaken
The battles wore on (and the seasons)
And the armies of the ocean were focused on one place
They HAD to take this city
Their supply lines dwindling
They raised the rampart higher, higher
Until a sound was heard over the horizon:
The metamorphed potatoes were coming
Ugly and thundrous they were, robbed of their former majesty
By the dark Burritos of Death
Yet their power was far greater than any that had come before
Many leaves early they had come
For the suspension of the ancient balance
So much had been disrupted
On and on they came
And Those-Who-Come-from-beneath-the-Waves were surely put to flight
But no burrito was out of hiding to see
When they came out of their shelters
And they looked about and saw
Those-who-come-from-beneath-the-waves were gone
They announced a celebration
They sent their fastest runners
To the greatest cities of Blueburritoland
And the wiliest merchants to the Bananas
Only the highest quality ales were sought
the most majestic wall hangings
The most exotic banana dancers
Yet when the runners returned, they brought devastating news
For within the gleaming walls of Bean-upon-Tortilla
Stood the last of the blue burritos
All celebration was canceled and the merchants recalled.
The greatest wailing arose and in great anger
Was the accused shrine torn down
And fear touched the heart of Old Refried
For now walked again within the city
The darkrel shades of the death burritos
Haughty and accusing
"Your people tore down the shrine
"That promised you to dance about each seven-year that passes
"What have you to say?"
And anger took upon Old Refried at the suffering of his people
For he was truly a great general
And walked as one of the commoners
And answered this far-gone leader "You sent the potatoes to destroy us!
"They trampled those-who-come-from-beneath-the-waves
"And our greatest cities with them!
"The pact has been dissolved!"
Then smirked those shades of wickedness
Of dark and ancient tricks
But truthfully next they spoke:
"We promised to preserve your city
"Of bean-upon-Tortilla
"No mention did ye make of all the others"
"But if you say our pact's dissolved
"Then mayhap it should be
"And we will forget the shrine"
"But hear this now, oh General
"Your city now must fall
"Your lands be taken by beasts
"Henceforth shall you live dispersed!"
"Not less than five thousand years shall you wail for these walls
"And then only until one shall come among you
"Who will remember the deal we made
"And pay the ransom we place upon your heads
"Begone! This city shall be leveled within the week
"And all within it too."
And that is why today
The green Burritos speak
So close a tongue to the Blues within the cities
To the southrons with the Taquitos
And the Great Eastern lands of Scrapple
And pancake people of Tomar.
But greatest of these lines now live
Within the land of the Bananas
Who still remember their most ancient tongue
And the songs and stories
And high traditions
Of Bean-upon-Tortilla