"You seem quiet!" That's a phrase which really irritates me. It doesn't happen quite so much now as it did in the past, but sometimes when I am meeting an NT/group of NTs in a social situation for the first time, (eg friends of friends, people at my old college, new colleagues etc),that is something which they say to me. Usually the people who say that to me are people who I will rarely ever see again, so I try not to let it bother me too much.
But why do people say it at all? If you were meeting someone (especially a new colleague) for the first time, it would not be acceptable to say to them, for example, "You do seem to have big ears!", so why is it still considerred acceptable to say to someone, "You do seem rather quiet!".
I already know I'm quiet! I don't need anyone to tell me that; I've been like this all my life! When someone says it to me, I usually just say that this is how I am, naturally. If they want to start a conversation with me, why can't they say something more useful than pointing out how quiet I am?
They most likely say that so we won't be quiet anymore (apparrently most NTs don't like being around quiet people).
I used to get that all the time, I think people are very impolite when they say it.
I would probably say that if someone looked introspective in a group of people funly chatting, to invite them to say what was on their mind and hopefully worry less about it and have fun with the rest of us. The chance of their being AS or offended may not occur to me.
Yes many people have done that to me all my life. Rather than making me feel comfortable to speak up, it made me feel uncomfortable to remain quiet (I was enjoying myself), and worry about what I should say.
It's the same as people asking me "what's wrong?" When I reply that I'm fine, they say "it's okay, you can talk to me." Usually, I'm fine, until they insist there's something wrong, then I get frustrated.
At least you know it's well meant. That's the main thing.
I'm not so sure. They usually seem to say it because *they* feel uncomfortable and want *me* to act in a way that makes *them* feel better. Why the hell should I go to that sort of effort? Particularly since they don't reciprocate by shutting up occassionally. There are times when I get such a headache from all the gabbling nonsense they go on with. None of it is interesting to me, but I'm expected to listen patiently, nod, smile, make some "appropriate" response. But whenever I start to talk about what's interesting to me, they get a glazed look on their faces and start to talk amongst themselves about some peurile TV programme they watched the previous evening.
Alison
Well I can interpret that to mean a few things
1. Is something bothering you? (they think you're upset about something)
2. Did I say/do something? (they think you are upset or angry at them)
3. How about you tell me what's on your mind? (they think you're thinking about something and they're asking you to let them in on your thoughts)
4. Why won't you talk to me? (They've opened up a line of conversation or action which you didn't take note of)
I'm sure there's more meanings that could be attributed to this but it depends on circumstance.
Well I can interpret that to mean a few things
1. Is something bothering you? (they think you're upset about something)
2. Did I say/do something? (they think you are upset or angry at them)
3. How about you tell me what's on your mind? (they think you're thinking about something and they're asking you to let them in on your thoughts)
4. Why won't you talk to me? (They've opened up a line of conversation or action which you didn't take note of)
I'm sure there's more meanings that could be attributed to this but it depends on circumstance.
I think that in my case, when people have said "you seem quiet" to me, it's probably due to cause 1 or 2 in that list. Maybe they think I am being quiet because I don't like them, and they say that phrase, so that when I respond that I am always shy, they can then be reassured that it's nothing personal against them.
Greetings,
More annoying is the fact that when you try and explain to them that youre not very good socially they usually say something like 'dont be silly'
Or 'why don't you just join in with us'.
I dislike when NTs ask me to go somewhere (eg. church, park, party, ect...), when I am perfectly fine by myself working on an interest. However, when I say "No", they just say "Well, you need to get out more".
"You seem quiet!" That's a phrase which really irritates me. It doesn't happen quite so much now as it did in the past, but sometimes when I am meeting an NT/group of NTs in a social situation for the first time, (eg friends of friends, people at my old college, new colleagues etc),that is something which they say to me. Usually the people who say that to me are people who I will rarely ever see again, so I try not to let it bother me too much.
But why do people say it at all? If you were meeting someone (especially a new colleague) for the first time, it would not be acceptable to say to them, for example, "You do seem to have big ears!", so why is it still considerred acceptable to say to someone, "You do seem rather quiet!".
I already know I'm quiet! I don't need anyone to tell me that; I've been like this all my life! When someone says it to me, I usually just say that this is how I am, naturally. If they want to start a conversation with me, why can't they say something more useful than pointing out how quiet I am?
Argh, if I had a penny for every time I heard that line, I'd be rich!!! A lot of times I like to just sit and observe before chiming in. But, there's always some social cheerleader who looks at me and says, "Gee, your quiet!" And then they start chattering off before I can respond. So I sit there and watch, then they stop talking and say again. "Gee your quiet."
So after a having had the moment to think, I chime in (QUICKLY), "Yep, thats me." Which seems to satisfy/shut them up, and I can sit there and wait for some subject to come up that I feel comfortable responding to.
Go figure! :roll:
Peace
I dislike when NTs ask me to go somewhere (eg. church, park, party, ect...), when I am perfectly fine by myself working on an interest. However, when I say "No", they just say "Well, you need to get out more".
Yeah, they act like they're doing you the greatest favour, when all the time you're thinking "I wish those NTs would just go away and leave me alone."
Alison
Greetings,
More annoying is the fact that when you try and explain to them that youre not very good socially they usually say something like 'dont be silly'
or worse "well you're ok talking to me/us"
Yeah, I get that everytime I tried to explain to people about AS and I'll either get a response like Wolfy's or the one above. So I've stopped doing that and people can figure it out for themselves. :roll:
Peace
A good thing to say would be, "Because, my mother said if you don't have something nice to say, it's better to say nothing at all."
But, if you didn't want to talk to them, then why were you with them?
I had no choice. In the most recent situation where someone said to me "You seem quiet" we were having a meal at a restaurant to welcome some contractors into our company. There was no way I could sit away from everybody else, as that would have been considered bad manners.
Even when I don't speak to the other people on my table very much, I am listening very intently to what they are saying, but it's just that can't think of anything useful to say for myself.
So, it wasn't a case of me not wanting to talk to them, it was more that I couldn't think of anything useful to say that someone else on the table hadn't already mentioned.