Hi all. Found this site by accident while browsing the links on another related site. Think I'm gonna like it here!
I'm posting in the music section since there's something that bothered me for years until my AS diagnosis and I wondered if anyone else had been through the same thing...
I've been very musically-oriented for as long as I can remember (classically trained brass player from an early age, blasted through all the AB examinations etc.) and quickly became obsessed with jazz - the purity and freedom of expression attracted me I think, for reasons that I only came to fully understand later. I attended music college studing jazz and contemporary music but soon found that my improvisation was somewhat lacking compared to other students. Their music flowed like waves whereas mine was angular and occasionally harsh. My tutors reassurred me that it was just my style but it wasn't where I wanted to be and no matter what I tried, my playing sounded "mathematical", not natural.
I realise know that it was my AS that was the dominant influence on my playing - even when I compose (as I still do occasionally), I find myself more interested in how the music looks when written down (the patterns and distribution of the notes) than how it sounds. My problems at college eventually resulted in me giving up any ambitions of a professional musical career but I still like to play at home and it still annoys me.
Are there any other Aspie jazzers (or other improvisational musicians) out there? How you you feel AS affects your playing (if at all)? I love to hear any stories you have if only in an attempt to come to terms with my own perceived failures!
BTW, I ended up as a software engineer... kinda ironic I think. Ha ha.
I attended music college studing jazz and contemporary music but soon found that my improvisation was somewhat lacking compared to other students. Their music flowed like waves whereas mine was angular and occasionally harsh. My tutors reassurred me that it was just my style but it wasn't where I wanted to be and no matter what I tried, my playing sounded "mathematical", not natural.
Hi Neonsurge, I believed I "pm" you yesterday, but better yet I will post an answer to your question.
You say that you are a classical trained brass players since you have been a young lad? Correct...
Okay, I am not sure if this fits you but, a lot of classcial trained musicians have a hard time improvising because they don't copy other musicians style when they are young players instead they learn how to read music and don't learn how to emulate feel.
Music is a language and if you haven't developed your ears and copy solos from CD's your improvising skills are going to sound mechanical such as what you have explained. Improvising is a skill just like reading music is.
I truly believe that having AS has nothing to do with what you are describing.
How much LISTENING AND COPYING did you do as kid when you learned to play a brass instrument? What artist influenced your style of playing?
My advise to you is you still can get quite good at improvising, however you can't learn it from college.
I would get a PRIVATE teacher who can show you how to copy riffs and develop your ears. Copy stuff from jazz great in the likes of Miles Davis, John Coltrane, and others.
Copying feeling isn't the easiest thing to do, but eventually you'll get the hang of it.
Good Luck and don't give up just work on the skill that gives you a tuff time and you'll be improvising in no time!
Kalo
Hi kalo - yeah, I did get your PM (thanks!) but haven't had chance to reply until now. Sorry 'bout that.
I think the reason that it ultimately became so fustrating for me was that I'd actually managed to get to a pretty high level of proficiency as a player (regular freelance sessions for the BBC, performed at several national and international jazz festivals with various groups etc.) As far as raw technical ability and theoretical knowlege is concerned, I'm pretty sure that I was there or thereabouts.
Yes, I spent years listening to records, analysing what the player was doing and copying it. The problem with this is that while it's obviously of enormous benefit from a learning perspective, I don't believe it's hugely helpful when you're trying to develop "your voice" and that's where I felt I was deficient. I totally agree that music is a language, but in my opinion jazz is a unique dialect in that it's comprised of a constantly evolving series of dialogues, not a pre-determined set of instructions. In order to be really creative in any language of this kind you need to have something... a "spark" inside your head that allows you to effectively transcend the theory and produce something new and meaningful. In most forms of music this isn't really a problem since there's time to develop and refine phrasings, structure etc. but the point of jazz (and any true improvised music) is sponteneity. Without making that final mental leap it's still possible to produce perfectly serviceable and musical jazz solos (and I like to think that I did) but there'll always be an element of "playing by the numbers". That's enough for most people and to be honest, most non-musicians wouldn't notice the difference, but I saw these traits in my own playing and it bothered me. It was a completely personal thing that became this huge roadblock.
I realise that this is probably stating the bleedin' obvious on a forum such as this but while my AS diagnosis was in many ways a relief in the sense that I suddenly understood why I am who I am, it can be a struggle to resist using it as an excuse for any personal deficiencies (real or perceived). Unfortunately I think I lost that battle in this instance although in actual fact, it may have saved me from years of struggle. Music as a profession is an incredibly cutthroat business, especially in such a currently unfashionable genre as jazz and only the best of the best are going to make anything approaching a good living. If you're truly decicated then the fact that you're playing any sort of music is enough and I'm genuinely envious of those people who spend 90% of their time doing "bill paying" gigs in order to spend the one night each month doing what they truly love; those people are real musicians.
You may be right when you say that AS has nothing to do with this. Maybe I just realised that I simply wasn't good enough, even though I never really admitted it to myself. But to me, the problems I was experiencing with my own playing were entirely consistent with traits and behaviours in my personality that I recognised were associated with AS. It's extremely difficult to explain but the "angular" vs. "smooth" analogy in my original post comes close.
In many ways I regret these decisions I've made but the fact is that I'm pretty happy where I am now. I fell back onto my other (stereotypical) interest of programming and I'm making enough money to support my beautiful family, have a couple of beers on a weekend and make my music for myself (and anyone else who'll listen!) It's just that I'm sure the "what if..." will always there in the back of my mind. I don't feel sorry for myself in the slightest and I'm grateful that I'm finally able to put my life into context.
Sorry for the long rambling post - hope it makes sense!