03-16-2006, 06:03 AM
Well I having been hanging around INTP central for a while and I heard about AS there and once I read about it I realized that I could potentially have it. I was looking at this again tonight and finally decided to join a forum and see if I would have anything in common with people who have AS.
When I was a baby my mom said she would rock me a lot as that would seem to be the only way to calm me down. To this day repetitive motion has a tendency to relax me, and I was watching a show on the discovery channel a while back that indicated that can be an autistic like trait. My childhood was filled with being bullied constantly and feeling like I was different than everyone else so I would usually try to keep to myself most of the time. I did have a few good friends but not very many. Especially when I was young I did have a hard time understanding another persons point of view as well as I didn't understand sarcasm very well at all either. I would usually take people literally especially when I was young. I still do it sometimes or I am just slow to recognize it fast enough.
I had a lot of trouble in grade school which made me sort of fight the teachers and they even put me in special classes made me take these motor ability tests etc. They wanted to take me to do more tests but my parents fought with the school over it so they didn't do it. My parents didn't think anything was wrong with me. My mom always thought I was just a square peg the school was trying to fit into a round hole. At a young age I had a knack for figuring out how to fix things and later found I had a natural ability for understanding science. After fifth grade I found this old electronics self learning machine my uncle gave me. I decided to do it over the summer and really got into it and liked it. I found I really like algebra and electronics. Eventually Radio Shack became my favorite store. Ha Ha… I was also engrossed into computers at a young age as well and would write programs etc. I also found I loved building things and designing things in general. English on the other hand was my weak spot too. I am a very bad speller and I also didn't really do well with grammar either. Math in general I could understand much better it but I was not a genius at it either.
In both middle and high school for the most part I wasn’t interested in girls or at least I didn’t make it a part of my life to be “looking” for somebody. I was mainly focused on my studies and I had the goal of being an electrical engineer. I did end up getting sort of "pushed" into asking a girl out my senior year. I did it but it was a pretty awkward experience with me and I even fell in love (so I thought at least) and I didn’t know how to handle it at all. I ended up going to the doctor at one point and got diagnosed with chronic fatigue. I was too secretive to tell the doctor, but I knew it was from all the stress that was going on with me liking this girl. I couldn’t even talk to her about it at all as I was so nervous over it. I ended up writing her a letter about it and many years later figured out that I messed it all up.
In college I didn’t really look either and found a few friends I would hang around with, but again I was afraid of crowds and didn’t like dancing etc. Usually I had to be forced to do things like that. I certainly found a few girls I sort of liked but it just never materialized into anything. I just couldn’t get close to them in a way. Even the whole concept of "touching" made me very nervous. There was one women I got along well with, but we always talked it never went further than that. She is a story in itself so I won't go there for now.
My work is pretty much the only thing I am successful at and I have been lucky to find a good place that recognizes my talents and doesn’t expect me to be the manager type. I am very good at learning new things on the fly and the job I have found that most people in the company respect that very much. I recently got caught up in this layoff mess and almost lost my job but now I they are trying to get me back in to a different group.
So here I am 33 never had a girlfriend in my life or even kissed or affectionately touched one. I have learned to hug women just out of being nice recently but I dislike doing it. I think it would be very difficult or me to get to that level as well. Every time I go out and “try” to find someone I just get nervous and blow it. It seems if I give up and don‘t try anymore women tend to not take any notice. At least that I am aware of anyway. The last one was an ENFJ (MBTI) which was quite recently and I had met on an internet dating sight. I learned a lot from just e-mailing with her back and forth, and I say I struggled to understand her ways of objective “testing” of my personality. I was putting so much energy into it because I just knew that I we were miss-communicating and I didn‘t understand why. I finally gained understanding at one point after struggling for maybe a month of this, but it was like discovering E=MC^2 or something. I had to understand it at a fundamental level in order for me to understand what I wasn’t getting. Then I was exhausted from the ordeal because I was obsessing over it so much. I had to sleep almost the entire weekend after that ordeal. She eventually stopped writing me back so I figure I blew it, but I don’t know for sure.
I usually don’t "look" for women but every so often. Sometimes I just wish there was someone out there for me. I can’t seem to find her no matter were I look or don‘t look. Usually once I fail once I take it pretty hard because I usually put a lot of energy into it. Then I give up for a few years and then try it again. I do get depressed over it often sometimes because I am all alone and by myself most of the time as all my few friends are now married and have busy lives of there own now. They all seem to wonder why I am not married yet. Me I just wonder why it is so hard for me to find someone yet so easy for them. I have felt better lately now that maybe there is a logical explanation for all of this and that helps. However, I don’t know for sure if I really have AS or not. I suppose it could be something else, or I am just a loser who knows..
Well I hope I didn’t bore you guys to death with my life story but I figured it would be the useful to see if people who have AS could relate to any of these things. I don’t know if I want to get tested or not. Part of me would like to know if this is why I have such trouble with relationships especially with women.
When I was a baby my mom said she would rock me a lot as that would seem to be the only way to calm me down. To this day repetitive motion has a tendency to relax me, and I was watching a show on the discovery channel a while back that indicated that can be an autistic like trait. My childhood was filled with being bullied constantly and feeling like I was different than everyone else so I would usually try to keep to myself most of the time. I did have a few good friends but not very many. Especially when I was young I did have a hard time understanding another persons point of view as well as I didn't understand sarcasm very well at all either. I would usually take people literally especially when I was young. I still do it sometimes or I am just slow to recognize it fast enough.
I had a lot of trouble in grade school which made me sort of fight the teachers and they even put me in special classes made me take these motor ability tests etc. They wanted to take me to do more tests but my parents fought with the school over it so they didn't do it. My parents didn't think anything was wrong with me. My mom always thought I was just a square peg the school was trying to fit into a round hole. At a young age I had a knack for figuring out how to fix things and later found I had a natural ability for understanding science. After fifth grade I found this old electronics self learning machine my uncle gave me. I decided to do it over the summer and really got into it and liked it. I found I really like algebra and electronics. Eventually Radio Shack became my favorite store. Ha Ha… I was also engrossed into computers at a young age as well and would write programs etc. I also found I loved building things and designing things in general. English on the other hand was my weak spot too. I am a very bad speller and I also didn't really do well with grammar either. Math in general I could understand much better it but I was not a genius at it either.
In both middle and high school for the most part I wasn’t interested in girls or at least I didn’t make it a part of my life to be “looking” for somebody. I was mainly focused on my studies and I had the goal of being an electrical engineer. I did end up getting sort of "pushed" into asking a girl out my senior year. I did it but it was a pretty awkward experience with me and I even fell in love (so I thought at least) and I didn’t know how to handle it at all. I ended up going to the doctor at one point and got diagnosed with chronic fatigue. I was too secretive to tell the doctor, but I knew it was from all the stress that was going on with me liking this girl. I couldn’t even talk to her about it at all as I was so nervous over it. I ended up writing her a letter about it and many years later figured out that I messed it all up.
In college I didn’t really look either and found a few friends I would hang around with, but again I was afraid of crowds and didn’t like dancing etc. Usually I had to be forced to do things like that. I certainly found a few girls I sort of liked but it just never materialized into anything. I just couldn’t get close to them in a way. Even the whole concept of "touching" made me very nervous. There was one women I got along well with, but we always talked it never went further than that. She is a story in itself so I won't go there for now.
My work is pretty much the only thing I am successful at and I have been lucky to find a good place that recognizes my talents and doesn’t expect me to be the manager type. I am very good at learning new things on the fly and the job I have found that most people in the company respect that very much. I recently got caught up in this layoff mess and almost lost my job but now I they are trying to get me back in to a different group.
So here I am 33 never had a girlfriend in my life or even kissed or affectionately touched one. I have learned to hug women just out of being nice recently but I dislike doing it. I think it would be very difficult or me to get to that level as well. Every time I go out and “try” to find someone I just get nervous and blow it. It seems if I give up and don‘t try anymore women tend to not take any notice. At least that I am aware of anyway. The last one was an ENFJ (MBTI) which was quite recently and I had met on an internet dating sight. I learned a lot from just e-mailing with her back and forth, and I say I struggled to understand her ways of objective “testing” of my personality. I was putting so much energy into it because I just knew that I we were miss-communicating and I didn‘t understand why. I finally gained understanding at one point after struggling for maybe a month of this, but it was like discovering E=MC^2 or something. I had to understand it at a fundamental level in order for me to understand what I wasn’t getting. Then I was exhausted from the ordeal because I was obsessing over it so much. I had to sleep almost the entire weekend after that ordeal. She eventually stopped writing me back so I figure I blew it, but I don’t know for sure.
I usually don’t "look" for women but every so often. Sometimes I just wish there was someone out there for me. I can’t seem to find her no matter were I look or don‘t look. Usually once I fail once I take it pretty hard because I usually put a lot of energy into it. Then I give up for a few years and then try it again. I do get depressed over it often sometimes because I am all alone and by myself most of the time as all my few friends are now married and have busy lives of there own now. They all seem to wonder why I am not married yet. Me I just wonder why it is so hard for me to find someone yet so easy for them. I have felt better lately now that maybe there is a logical explanation for all of this and that helps. However, I don’t know for sure if I really have AS or not. I suppose it could be something else, or I am just a loser who knows..
Well I hope I didn’t bore you guys to death with my life story but I figured it would be the useful to see if people who have AS could relate to any of these things. I don’t know if I want to get tested or not. Part of me would like to know if this is why I have such trouble with relationships especially with women.