Hello, I am new and DESPERATE to find othes like me to learn from. While there seems to be little shortage of websites and books for NT parents of autistic children, where I ask, are the resources for Aspie parents of NT children? Even at the age of three I practically need a translator to decipher my son's NT-ese which ALL the other parents seem to get. I spend endless amounts of time talking to his teachers trying to understand him, and there are times when I know I have utterly missed the point. Being a single mom is almost impossible for me, and I fear losing my son foerver because of it. There have been times that I have been so sensory-overloaded by his tantrums, or by certain smells (does anyone else hate the "daycare smell" your kids come home with?) that i have blacked out, or locked myself in a bathroom, leaving my poor son to "cry it out" because his mom is paralysed in another room. ANY help that can be given beyond the typical NT reponse of "Wow, it's going to be tough for you" would be great. (Side question, how do NT's live in such a world of dis-interest in eachother? At times it seems that they are the one's with the social problems and their elaborate social structure is merely a ritual dance to hide the fact that they forgot how to truely interact long ago.)
Hi adbcherokee, and welcome.
You ask a good question about help for aspie parents with NT kids. Quite a few of us here are parents, and it seems the kids are mainly on the spectrum, and have traits. As your son is only three, is it possible that he is on the spectrum, or does have traits but that its hard to recognise?
Are the stresses you are feeling simply from the experience of caring for a child alone (which is really hard work).
We try and support other parents here, so we will do what we can.
As far as a support site for aspie parents with nt kids, there is one for nt kids who have grown up with aspie parents.
It is very negative on the whole, and some parents are quite upsetting, we have complained in the past to the owner -
http://www. aspar.klattu.com.au/
There is a broken link to it.
I also hate daycare smell, school smell, etc on the children.
Hi and welcome!
I don't know if these suggestions will help, but they are things I have tired.
*Earplugs, if the sounds of crying, etc. bother you.
*When overloaded by a smell, I try to just breathe through my mouth as much as possible and have a cloth or item sprayed with perfume or scent that I do like.
I hope this helps! I'll post if I think of any more.
This is the only support group for autistic parents that I know of:
http://forums.delphiforums.com/AutisticParents
It looks to me as if you are doing a good job of recognizing when you are overloaded and separating yourself from your child when this is necessary. There are many parents (and this includes non-autistic parents) who just let the stress build up until they can't take it any more and then do something abusive.
Your son will not be harmed in any way if you go into another room when he has a tantrum (assuming that his tantrums don't include self-injurious behavior). In fact, if you regularly go into another room when he is whining or having a tantrum, he probably will stop behaving like that soon, because he will not like the fact that he gets no attention for that behavior.
As for the daycare smell, I'd suggest giving your son a bath as soon as he comes home, instead of waiting until bedtime.
I'm not an Aspie single mom but I am an Aspie mom of a 5 yr old with moderate autism (HFA) as well as a non-autistic (or so the professionals keep saying... he has OCD traits already and such) almost 3 yr old (that is very odd and possibly gifted) and have a partner that is non-autistic. It's not always easy relating to non-autistics but I have just as good of a relationship with my almost 3 yr old son as I do with my 5 yr old autistic son. It's a matter of compromises in many ways in learning to deal with each other. It takes time but it can be done.
I hate my son's 'school smell' too. And I work in a school, so you'd think i'd be immune to it. Fortunately he likes to strip off as soon as possible anyway, so before too long he smells of his own smell which is much nicer!!!
I hate my son's 'school smell' too. And I work in a school, so you'd think i'd be immune to it. Fortunately he likes to strip off as soon as possible anyway, so before too long he smells of his own smell which is much nicer!!!
I work all day with preschoolers, so I've gotten totally used to that smell now! Tissues or earplugs is a good idea for dealing with the excess of noise, and don't worry about locking yourself in a bathroom to have a mini-meltdown, that's something everybody with kids, even NTs, do! I find I communicate best as an Aspie adult with children of around 4 years and up; of course, all AS are individual, but it could be you're close to the best time of getting through to your son. You obviously care to do the right thing with him, and that's the important thing. It's a shame that none of them come with manuals, but we all have to muddle along as best we can! :smile:
Alison
I hate my son's 'school smell' too. And I work in a school, so you'd think i'd be immune to it. Fortunately he likes to strip off as soon as possible anyway, so before too long he smells of his own smell which is much nicer!!!
I work all day with preschoolers, so I've gotten totally used to that smell now! Tissues or earplugs is a good idea for dealing with the excess of noise, and don't worry about locking yourself in a bathroom to have a mini-meltdown, that's something everybody with kids, even NTs, do!
I find I communicate best as an Aspie adult with children of around 4 years and up; of course, all AS are individual, but it could be you're close to the best time of getting through to your son. You obviously care to do the right thing with him, and that's the important thing. It's a shame that none of them come with manuals, but we all have to muddle along as best we can! :smile:
Alison
I've never noticed any particular "daycare smell" but seem to remember a "school smell" which was something like a cross between stale apples and peanut paste and sweaty socks.
Provided a crying child is in a safe place, it's better for an overloaded parent to go somewhere alone and do their best to calm down rather than struggle on and on to the point where they completely lose it.