Aspies For Freedom

I've been lurking around here for a while and thought that maybe I should, you know, post or something.  So, um, yeah, hi.

I self-diagnosed just over a year ago after a friend whose job often brings her into contact with children who are on the autistic spectrum asked me if I had ever considered that I might have AS. At the time I didn't see much point as I found that it helped just to read everything I could find on the subject helped (I was a bit smug with myself for managing to 'reverse engineer' a bit more about how neurotypical people think from reading descriptions on how an autistic person's way of seeing and thinking about the world differs), especially as up until that point I had just assumed that understanding social skills and body language were learned skills for everyone - why else would we need all those lessons at school about how to behave in job interviews? At first I was pretty sure that I didn't want to try to get a formal diagnosis because I didn't think I needed it, but recently, I've been having more and more problems. A lot of it is because I'm now in a situation where I'm working full time and just getting incredibly stressed by little things like commuting, working in a huge open plan office and being forced to interact with collegues who are quite literally my polar opposite, and who don't seem to appreciate having someone around who is quiet, geeky and a lot less feminine than them.

I've recently been treated for depression/anxiety, but my GP has decided that it's a situational problem, rather than chronic, because when I'm allowed to have some time off to calm down and not really do anything, I recover suspiciously quickly (from which I took the inference that there probably isn't that much wrong with me). When I had to start working again, everything started sliding back downhill, and my friends are starting to comment on how I'm looking like I'm not coping again. However, the idea of going back makes me nervous because I'm worried about being dismissed as a mad, neurotic hypochondriac.

Okay, so far this has been more of a slightly annoyed venting post rather than an actual question, but mainly, I'm looking for any information that anyone can offer about getting diagnosed, particularly about the things mentioned in the diagnostic criteria about the "symptoms" (and I'm using the inverted commas because I know how a lot of people feel about using words like that to describe their AS traits, but can't think of a better term to use in the context, so please don't be offended) having to cause a certain level of impairment. What actually constitutes impairment? Although it's only when I'm at my most depressed that I stop being able to get through day to day tasks, but what about the steps I go through to make life bearable the rest of the time, like having to have a certain amount of time every day when I can't be around other people (and when I'm working, it doesn't leave me with much sociability). Or am I going to be considered too 'normal' to meet the criteria.

And if there's anyone reading this who was diagnosed as an adult, can you offer any advice for how to talk about something like this with a medical professional? Is it better to come out with it and tell them what you think, or to hint at it by listing all the most textbook signs you have and hoping they pick up on it?

Welcome.
What country are you in, as that makes a lot of difference.

Scotland. To be more specific, one of the more urban parts in the southern half of the country.

What do you want:  to get a medical reason for not working or just accomodations at work so you can handle it?  

At least you have a job.  You should do your best to keep it.  Anyway, you should not be fired from your job for having an AS diagnosis.  Your country is progessive enough to offer you protection from some discrimination.  You might need to seek some assistance from your human resources office in how you can reduce your stress at work.  You need not disclose that you think you have AS.  Some people just need a special noice reduction headset or move to another location in the office.  For commuting, you might be able to car pool.  You might be able to change your lunch/break times so you can be more alone.

Thanks for replying, M.  For all my complaining, I am actually grateful for having a job and want to continue working.  I might be able to speak to someone about getting something like noise reduction headphones (never heard of them before, but they sound interesting), the only problem is that I don't have a permanent contract, so they might not want to spend money on me, and one of the conditions of my sucky temporary contract is that if they find out that I have a long term or recurring problem that could affect my ability to work or carry out any of my designated tasks, I can actually get sacked, so I don't even want to make too much of a fuss about stress levels. With commuting, it's not driving that's the problem, as I'm so terrified of it that I literally can't get behind the wheel of a car, but the local bus service, which is overcrowded and rarely runs on time, and I might end up making enemies if there was an actual person, rather than the nebulous entity of the bus company getting in the way of my schedule, because then my frustration at not always being able to keep to my planned times for doing things would be focussed on them.

However, I know I should be trying to do what I can to change things to make them more managable, so I will try making enquiries about what can be changed, as if I get a negative response, it's a big company and it's very unlikely that anyone outside of my own department would know who I am.

Bad bus service.  I find overcrowding, dirty noice transit not very attractive.  After a while I get used to it.  It does help if you can get a seat.  You might try earphones for music, reading, knitting if possible (unless it makes you feel ill) or just organizing your purse, making shopping lists.  

If you can change your work start time that might help too.  You could start earlier or later and the bus might not be so crowded.  If you do car pool then you will be expected to pay something toward the fuel.  It seems really stupid since someone might just be driving next door to pick you up and they would be paying the same for fuel whether there is one person in the car anyway.  I used to give a woman a ride to a closer bus every evening so she could get home faster.  I did not expect her to pay me but she did buy me lunch every so often.  We ended up being friends for a long time.

Greetings,

I was in a similar situation to you.  I'm also in Scotland (Ayrshire).  I had a job in Glasgow as a programmer and lost it because I couldnt cope.  At the time I didnt know what my problem was.  I've also been 'treated' for depression and anxiety over the years.  I was also told by people that I probably had AS but didnt bother about it till years later.

The help you can get really depends on where you are.  There is absolutely nothing in my area and I couldnt get a referral to the nearest available autism related services (Glasgow) because it was outside the local NHS area (and if you try complaining to the NHS they write back and tell you this is not the case).  I eventually ended up seeing a private consultant in the Aberdeen area.  He diagnosed AS and ADHD with OCD being a result of not getting those dealt with when I was a child.

The best thing in your situation is to try and get a diagnosis (GPs know nothing - you have to be forceful in order to get a referral) and then see what help you can get.  I would advise you to seek advice before discussing it with your employer.  Although that is really what you should do, experience tells me that the bastards rarely play by the rules and will usually drop you at the first excuse.  Make sure you have a leg to stand on first.

I haven't disclosed my AS dx with my employer and I probably never will. I suggest you visit a neuropsychologist who deals with autism spectrum disorders.

Hello, I'm a "newbie" too.   :?  

It's been interesting to read your discussion on how and whether to go for diagnosis.  Like Geekyandproud, I have sick notes (sorry, medical certificates) with 'anxiety and depression' on them, which is beginning to really annoy me, as I know I'm dealing with a life-long condition (is that the right word?) and 'anx. & dep.' makes me feel as if people are judging me as inferior and weak in some way.  So often professionals dish out basic 'how to handle life' advice as if I hadn't got the gumption to find things out for myself; it is SO frustrating that no-one wants to dig a bit deeper and find out WHY these problems reoccur, again and again and again.  Its becoming more difficult to bite my tongue and be the nice pleasant person I was brought up to be when the people instructing me on how to conduct my life
     i) haven't got a clue what it's really like  
     ii) aren't as bright, clever, thoughtful, probing, questioning (or whatever you like to call it) as I am  
     iii) don't seem recognise that I have very strong capabilities in other areas (if only I can find them!)

So, as a 40-something, would you advise me to pursue diagnosis?  Is it worth it?  What does one gain out of it anyway (accepting that I have a much greater understanding of myself since learning about AS, which enables me to accept my behaviours and not push myself so hard I become ill - in itself very helpful!)

Also, I find I have HUGE difficulties explaining my daily difficulties to anyone except the odd very close and trusted friend (and I do mean 'odd'!  No, not really; but birds of a feather do flock together...).  Words and thoughts desert me as soon as I'm called on to 'give account of myself'.  Anyone else have this problem?  How do You overcome it?

Well. I've probably written far too much, so I'll go browse the rest of AFF.  I look forward to hearing from everyone "out there"!

Katherine (very South West of England)

Hi Katherine.

As somebody else who has been very recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 40-odd, I believe that it has been worthwhile to pursue the diagnosis.

I found that, as I had difficulties explaining things to my GP initially via the spoken word, it was easier to generate a word-processed "submission" that contained the relevant information; I handed this to him at our initial appointment, asked him to read it, and then to ask any questions that he felt were needed.

I believe that this approach was better than trying to rely on speech alone; it gave me the opportunity to gather my thoughts and to be as sure as I could that I would manage to get my point across to my GP. From reading your post on here, your command of the written word is certainly good enough to do the same - if you wish to do so, that is.

I wish you well in your search for answers.

Hi Katherine
Welcome to AFF.  I think that self-acceptance is the key. Working with your strengths. And it sounds like you're doing that. So the question to ask yourself is:  How would a diagnosis be helpful to you? What might it change for you (positive and negative)?

Thanks to Energiea and Humorist2751 for your replies; I'm sorry but I'm pretty tired tonight so will save a considered reply for tomorrow.

Best wishes,

Katherine

The decision lies with you, however, a diagnosis could help shake things back into shape. Anxiety and Depression are comorbid conditions to AS. It could be worthwhile getting to the core of your anxiety and depression. You can start working with a therapist to get more clarity.
In my case, AS is my core problem and my anxiety and depression are just secondary problems as a result of first mentioned. A therapist can help you control your anxiety and depression, and having a diagnosis for AS can help the therapist to help you.

I have been getting much relief for my comorbids using medication.

Good luck!

I think it might give you solace.  I was treated for depression and anxiety before I got diagnosed.  I was put on antidepressant (I woud advise no one to take them) and then I found a phsycologist who dealt with learning disablities as well as developmental disorders.

I was then  diagnosed with AS upon my visit.  It helped me realize why have such a hard time relating to people, and why I am not very romantic or like doing things that most woman do.

I am like you as well and don't fit in with woman at all.  I hear what you are talking about regarding work.  I don't relate to anyone and it is hard for me to start conversations or even how to respond.

It might give you solace to find out that you do have AS.  I would try finding a phsycologist who deals with developmental disorders.  

Going to a phsycologist who knows nothing about AS might give you a wrong diagnosis i.e. anixiety disorder.

I would call a phsycologist who is on  your insurance plan (If you have insurance) and ask them if he or she deals with developmental issues such as asperger or autism.

Good Luck!  Kalo

It is quite common for people who have AS to develop anxiety disorder as well, so it is not necessarily a "wrong" diagnosis. I have AS as well as anxiety disorder.

You can't advise people to either take anti-depressants or not. For me it works very well. You can only speak for your own experience. People need to take their own decisions on what's best for them. I for example cannot cope without anti-depressant - it has its place. Some anti-depressants are good for controlling panic disorder. I get major anxiety attacks that cause seizures if I don't use anti-depressants to control my stress levels. There is no reason why a person should suffer, and medication is sometimes the only option.

I do agree it is important to see the appropriate clinician for an AS diagnosis.