Part of the problem is that teachers and school administrators often think that bullying is well controlled in their school because (a) they have official policies against bullying and (b) they don't see bullying happening very much.
Of course, those of us that have been bullied ourselves know how silly that is -- kids are usually smart enough to do their bullying when adults are not looking. I recently read about a psychologist that surveyed both kids and teachers in the same school about bullying. The teachers, of course, didn't think it happened very much, but the kids reported it as a big problem. So, I think that one thing that needs to be done is to convince teachers and school administrators that the problem is far worse than they realize.
A further problem is the ignorance of many teachers and administrators that think that being teased is a normal part of growing up. These are usually socially skilled NT that think back to when they were kids and they got teased once or twice a month. So, they see it as a normal part of growing up. What they don't understand is some kids don't get teased once a week -- for some kids, it's a constant emotional torture that can literally destroy lives. (Bullying very nearly destroyed my life in fact.)
When an adult gets harrassed on a regular basis in a workplace environment, they are called a victim, and it's considered grounds for a large lawsuit. If we don't expect a 30 year old to put up with it at work, why do we expect a 10 year old child to just "learn to live with it"? Whether the child is a NT, an aspie, or autistic, bullying can (and does) destroy lives. People need to be made to understand that.
While I think that educating school administrators and teachers about bullying is the most important step, I do think that lawsuits can play a helpful role as well. Sexual harrassment lawsuits in the workplace worked wonders towards bringing national attention to the issue. Many workplaces today take sexual harrassment very seriously, in large part because they don't want lawsuits. In my opinion, the biggest problem with bullying today is the lack of attention that the issue is getting. A lack of attention means that the ignorant tend to stay ignorant. I believe that a few well-publicized lawsuits could do great things to change that.
Like so many aspies i have my perosnal exprinces with bullies harsh ones at that. How did it afect me well what i can honestly say is that it honestly gave me a cynical and sarsatic view on life and soecity in genral it also did things to me that i knew nerotypicals would be horrorfied by such as sympthzing with the perprators of the colmbine school shoots and almost cheering them for what they did. It got so bad that one day at a NT high school i was attending i had a complte meltdown...forntulny i was able to talk my way out of getting arrested for it but after that i went to a school for aspies and kids like them and there i florushied so in a way i gues i did have a happy ending after all
now that i'm in college, the bullying has all but stopped. some people still tease me in ways i don't like, probaly a result of being bullied for so long. i go to a small private university, and they are strict on moral values, so it kinda ended bullying. if i went to public school, i think there was a chance the bullying continued. this was part of the reason i wanted to move far away for college, didn't want to run into old enimes.
A local school (in my county) is the only school to ever lose, (on appeal) a bullying claim. Justice Alito broke the tie :"A majority opinion in Shore Regional High School Board of Education v. P.S., 381 F.3d 194 (3d Cir. 2004), holding that a school district did not provide a high school student with a free and appropriate public education, as required by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, when it failed to protect the student from bullying by fellow students who taunted the student based on his lack of athleticism and his perceived sexual orientation."
The high school actually does not have big bullying problems. That was their defense. The kids parents wanted the school to pay for the kid to go to a different regional school, to avoid being with the same kids that had bullied him for 4 years in middle school (the horror is that middle school is where my son now is). The appeal said that the new high school should have paid for the kid to go to a different school.
(I am mad about this becasuse my sons middle school got away with it.)
In the words of the District Court, P.S "was the victim of relentless physical and verbal harassment as well as social isolation by his classmates." App. 13.
7
Most of the harassment of P.S. focused on his lack of athleticism, his physique, and his perceived effeminacy. Bullies constantly called P.S. names such DELETED" Bullies told new students not to socialize with P.S. Children threw rocks at P.S., and one student hit him with a padlock in gym class. When P.S. sat down at a cafeteria table, the other students moved. Despite repeated complaints, the school administration failed to remedy the situation.
8
The constant harassment began to cripple P.S. He became depressed, and his schoolwork suffered. When P.S. was in fifth grade, his mother, on the recommendation of the school psychologist, obtained private psychiatric counseling for him. The psychiatrist diagnosed P.S. with depression and prescribed medication, but there was no appreciable improvement. After P.S.'s grades slipped badly, DELETED Place evaluated him and classified him as eligible for special education and related services based on perceptual impairment. The Child Study Team ("CST") then developed an Individualized Education Program ("IEP") that placed P.S. in the "resource room" for math and gave him extra teacher attention to help with his organizational skills. The CST manager believed that P.S.'s poor academic work was due to the bullying rather than any cognitive deficiencies.
9
P.S.'s classification remained throughout sixth and seventh grade, and his IEP was expanded to include a daily resource-center literature class and an alternative physical education class to help him with his physical skills and to avoid the locker room changing period, during which other children ridiculed his physique. The school also permitted P.S. to change classes at special times so that he would not encounter other students in the hallways and could thus avoid the harassment that customarily occurred there. In eighth grade, the harassment became so intense that P.S. attempted suicide. At the request of his psychiatrist, who told the CST manager that P.S.'s life and health were at stake, P.S. received home schooling for six weeks. In February and March of that year, Place changed P.S.'s classification, finding him eligible for special education on the basis of emotional disturbance.
10
The public high school serving P.S.'s community is Regional High School , but P.S.'s parents had begun to look for a different school for their son some years earlier, and they eventually became interested in Bank High School ("Bank"), the public high school in a neighboring school district. Bank was attractive both because it did not enroll students from Place and because it had a drama program that appealed to P.S.'s interests. P.S. auditioned for the Bank drama program and was accepted. P.S.'s parents then asked Shore to place him at Bank, and the CST concurred. The CST believed that if P.S. attended Regional High School he would experience the same harassment that had occurred at Place because the bullies who were responsible would also be there.
The sick thing is why move one kid around so much, the innocent? Kick the other kids out, no? My husbnad and I will be threatening his school constantly, if the first two months of school aren't handled by them just right, they will be in serious trouble.
You don't need to keep reading I think you have all been thru this as a parent or a kid......
11
Shore undertook its own evaluation, relying mostly on the Place IEP and a surveillance of P.S. in his classes. Despite the recommendation from the CST, Shore rejected P.S.'s request to attend Bank and concluded that he should attend Shore for ninth grade. Shore apparently believed that if it granted P.S.'s request, it would have to grant the request of non-disabled students who wished to attend Bank. Shore's affirmative action officer, Dr. Barbara Chas, contended that Shore could contain the bullying by disciplining bullies and by utilizing peer and social worker mediation. Shore also proposed an IEP in which P.S. would attend the resource room for math and would have a supplemental course in learning skills, adaptive gym classes, and weekly counseling. Based on this program, the Shore authorities concluded that their school would be the "least restrictive environment" for P.S. See 20 U.S.C. § 1412(a)(5) (school must provide education in least restrictive environment).
12
P.S.'s parents strongly disagreed with Shore's decision and unilaterally placed him in Bank for the ninth grade. Initially, Bank did not create an IEP for P.S., but did provide him with a special education class in algebra and academic support. While Red Bank did not schedule weekly counseling sessions, it made clear to P.S. that counseling was available upon request. Red Bank's plan was to mainstream P.S. for all his classes. When P.S. was in ninth grade, Red Bank created an IEP for him that maintained his academic support center class, but mainstreamed him for all other classes. Like Shore, Bank offered a program to combat bullying that included discipline and diversity seminars. As the District Court noted, P.S. "thrived both academically and socially at Red Bank." App. 23.
13
After Shore rejected P.S.'s request to attend Bank, P.S.'s father filed a mediation request with the New Jersey Department of Education. Mediation proved unsuccessful, and the action was transferred to the New Jersey Office of Administrative Law for a "due process hearing." Before the hearing, both sides agreed to an independent evaluation by the Institute for Child Development at the Hackensack University Medical Center ("Hackensack"). Hackensack recommended that P.S. attend a school such as Bank.
14
At the due process hearing, the ALJ heard testimony from several witnesses, including P.S., his mother, Dr. Chas, Dr. Mina Corbin-Fliger (a member of the CST), and Dr. Carol Friedman (a psychologist at Hackensack). All of the witnesses agreed that P.S. had been subjected to unusual levels of harassment. While Dr. Chas testified that she believed ................
Much as I usually don't condone violence, sometimes the only thing to make bullies back off is if their victim gives them a good hiding.
(We are going to avoid having our son become aggessive and militant.. as his temperament is meant to be peaceful - I won't have his path changed .... )
My husband sometimes wants to just tell our son(s) to "kick some ***" if anyone messes with them. Our aspie does not get the grey area so teaching him how to fight is just not an option. Although I don't think physical bullying is as problematic as verbal and emotional for him as he is very nicely built. I bet if my aspie even fought back he would end up in big trouble whereas the actual volent kids get off scot free. (My husband and I wish we could be our sons age and just go everywhere with them).
When an adult gets harrassed on a regular basis in a workplace environment, they are called a victim, and it's considered grounds for a large lawsuit. If we don't expect a 30 year old to put up with it at work, why do we expect a 10 year old child to just "learn to live with it"? Whether the child is a NT, an aspie, or autistic, bullying can (and does) destroy lives. People need to be made to understand that.
Bullying hurt me just as much at age 28 at work as it did at age 14 to 15 in high school.
Perhaps I did not recognize government managerial mistreatment until I saw better management in the private sector.
But no, HR in this company (Kratos Defense/San Diego at the parent level, DTI Associates/Arlington VA at my level) would not sit still for bullying (I am talking from experience re DTI). We would address bullying quickly, and if necessary, remove it from us.
We the Aspies only ask that high schools prepare students for the real world (such as DTI).
If high schools do not prepare students for the reality of the real world such as DTI (that bullying is punished swiftly and certainly), they are failing to prepare their students for LIFE.
I'd sue my school, get the insurance company payout, then offer to donate the lot to the school's programs if they can actually stop the bullying. If their greed is still outweighed by their apathy, then **** them.
Except that the grown-up bullies made little bullies and the little bullies are now enrolled, so the current students are tangentially related to the grown up bullies. Just like the little bigots who hate minorities, women, and gays were born from bigots who grew up.
Much as I usually don't condone violence, sometimes the only thing to make bullies back off is if their victim gives them a good hiding.
Interesting expression, hiding. I think it is derived from hide as skin, and doing something to "tan" their hide.
I wish I had confronted dudes in high school physically. The only issue I would have had is being exposed to their blood.
I don't want any money. I just want to have better safeguards in place so that bullying gets dealt with properly, and for the counselors who blamed me to admit what happened and they were wrong.
The truth is, the only thing school districts really respond to is lawsuits.
When we went after our district for a pattern of racist and homophobic behavior -- and won -- part of the verdict was that the district would institute policies, programs and trainings to address the problems, and those policies, etc., had to meet the approval of our lawyers.
I don't know how it works in other countries, but in the USA, the monetary legal rulings against the district typically do not come out of the funds that pay teachers, provide for students or physically run the school. So in our lawsuit, there was no money loss to the district, but it did force them to change their primitive, destructive practices.
Almost impossible in OZ to sue a school. Need to go after the full education system itself. And goverments being governments they got it rigged so it can't just happen.
Like so many aspies i have my perosnal exprinces with bullies harsh ones at that. How did it afect me well what i can honestly say is that it honestly gave me a cynical and sarsatic view on life and soecity in genral it also did things to me that i knew nerotypicals would be horrorfied by such as sympthzing with the perprators of the colmbine school shoots and almost cheering them for what they did.
OK, whoa... horror at the idea of school shooters is NOT an NT thing. I can see how someone who'd been bullied would SYMPATHIZE with them, but "almost cheering"?
OK, whoa... horror at the idea of school shooters is NOT an NT thing. I can see how someone who'd been bullied would SYMPATHIZE with them, but "almost cheering"?
Agreed - just wanted to point out that this is a necroed thread, and the guy that posted that hasn't been here since 2006...
The truth is, the only thing school districts really respond to is lawsuits.
When we went after our district for a pattern of racist and homophobic behavior -- and won -- part of the verdict was that the district would institute policies, programs and trainings to address the problems, and those policies, etc., had to meet the approval of our lawyers.
I don't know how it works in other countries, but in the USA, the monetary legal rulings against the district typically do not come out of the funds that pay teachers, provide for students or physically run the school. So in our lawsuit, there was no money loss to the district, but it did force them to change their primitive, destructive practices.
After the ruling, our parents group found it very easy to take advantage of someone elses monetary victory. The middle school enacted a bullying program. October is bully prevention month. However, it is just a piece of paper it turns out,.. The bullying program was put into place in 2006 and I did not have my kids in the public school till this past year. Now that I have evidence from my 5th grader - middle school. AND my 4th grader at elementary school (where it turns out they did NOT even print out the papers there) My younger son will not benefit by the fact they myself and one other mother made sure that next year the elementary school will start trying to enforce a code of conduct younger or at least have them sign the anti-bully pledge.
The point is, the adults are lazy and bullying is NEVER held against them. It takes vigilance and a lot of time and paperwork to actually change a culture that has made the habit of doing the least they can get away with while using the excuse that "a certain amount of bullying is normal". Kids have less rights than adults as per the law, but parents have to fight their urge to "just go along with the flow" and "let someone else fix it", or avoid giving up/apathy.
As MAx said, money is the way to most affect institutions in the US.
Even when/if it comes to that (sueing) as our remedy, we know we would never get money, even if awarded, it takes many many years to ever get paid. We would have to take that path, at least to threaten to get what we want: To force the schools to let all kids have dignity, instead of letting the loud and bullying minority make everyone else "learn to cope" instead of the other way around.