I spend most of my school years from age 8+ longing to be told there was a reason why I was so different, and feeling absolutely shattered that there wasn't one - ie that I wasn't different, I was just a normal failure. Everyone else could do all these things but I couldn't - but as I wasn't different in any way that meant that I was a failure. I've had severe depression (frequently suicidal) on and off since I was 13.
Getting diagnosed with AS last year (I'm now 28) was the turning point for me with depression and I'm now able to lift the huge psychological burden of not behaving/feeling/functioning as I "ought" because "everyone else does". An earlier knowledge of this would've saved a large amount of pain and hurt.
On the other hand, whilst knowing would've been best for me, there's also the factor that my parents were one of the biggest factors that told me I was a failure - any issues were met with ridicule, yelling or thumping, so I very quickly learned to keep things from them. Which meant that they were part of the world/the Enemy who were telling me I was rubbish. If they'd been supportitive of difference then even if I hadn't known the dx then it would've helped a lot.
My 7-year-old son was diagnosed with AS/ADHD this past spring. I told him about the AS once we got news of the diagnosis and explained (with examples) that the AS made some things that are easy for most people hard for him and some things that are hard for most people easy for him. He just said, "OK." Apparently, it was a bigger deal for me than it was for him. :?
I haven't told him about the ADHD yet. I'm kind of at a loss to explain it and I'm afraid ppl will tell him it's an imaginary disease when it's neither imaginary nor a disease.
I think it is vitally important you tell them. It is totally wrong for you to know something about a child ( who is old enough to understand) that they don't know about themselves. The deceit can be hurtful.
I was told straight away aged 11, but I still hate my mother for telling my grandparents, and my father still does not know.
You should tell them and discuss any measures to deal with it as well as who else they find it acceptable to know.
My mother making such decisions for me caused me a lot of pain, and still does.
My oldest son has Asperger.
Only when he was 16 his diagnosis was made.
I live in Brazil.
I didn't tell him at the time, cause I wanted to protect him against his coleagues. At school he was very discriminated.
Few years later, i've changed my mind and talked to him about it.
I think it was very good, cause he understood why he was so different. and different not means not normal.
i don't have children myself, but my parents told me very rarley during childhood i was autistic, but told me when i was young (i got loving care and speech thearpy, no aba or quack treatments for us). i presume they didn't tell me for my own good becuase autistic people have been demonized in much of the mainstream media, and they didn't want my self esstem to fall off and think i was usless or whatever their word of the day was. the result is i like myself more than if i was being exposed to the curebie garbage years earlier. yes, i have issues with other people (minor), but becoming nt would depress everyone i know, as they see me as a unique person who brigthens life instead of a horror that needs to be elimated as pushed by many people in the media. i wouldn't change my personality for a bit.
i ask now, did you tell your children they were autistic? why or why not?
my feel is to tell them if you think they're mature enough to make decision on how to deal becuase it bottom line going to effect them forever. at the very least you show tell them the reason for the tests.
i don't have children myself, but my parents told me very rarley during childhood i was autistic, but told me when i was young (i got loving care and speech thearpy, no aba or quack treatments for us). i presume they didn't tell me for my own good becuase autistic people have been demonized in much of the mainstream media, and they didn't want my self esstem to fall off and think i was usless or whatever their word of the day was. the result is i like myself more than if i was being exposed to the curebie garbage years earlier. yes, i have issues with other people (minor), but becoming nt would depress everyone i know, as they see me as a unique person who brigthens life instead of a horror that needs to be elimated as pushed by many people in the media. i wouldn't change my personality for a bit.
i ask now, did you tell your children they were autistic? why or why not?
O.k., first let me ask you...how do I tell my son he is ASD without bringing down his self esteem? He is 8 years old and highly functional, but definatly is set apart from his peers. We were watching a movie about Autistic children, and my son,Brandon's eyes were locked on to one particular boy who was stimming. Flapping his hands, spinning ,and waving his hands in front of his face. He turned to me and asked me what was wrong with the boy in the movie. I said "Nothing is wrong with him.He just has autism,he is autistic". Then I proceeded to ask him, "Are you autistic ?" He quickly said, "no mom, I'm not autistic, I'm Brandon". I think I did the right thing by leaving it at that. Honestly, I hope he never lets his"lable" define who he is, because anyone who is a parent know that there is so much more to their autistic children than the autism itself. But at the same time, when he gets alittle older, I hope he doesn't think he is weird for feeling or doing things certin things. I want him to understand that it is o.k. to be who he is,and understand why he acts,thinks and feels the way he does. SoI ask you again, how am I to go about telling him without crushing his spirt?