Aspies For Freedom

Why do NTs say somethings are personal?

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Anyone can say something is personal, it means its their own business, not other peoples, such as medical matters, financial matters, love life.

The only conclusion I can come up with why people would want to keep this information secret is if somebody could use it against them in some way. How could somebody use this information against them?

If somebody committed a crime then I could understand them wanting to keep it a secret as if it were found out they would go to prison. I cannot understand how medical matters, financial matters or love life could be used against them.

Any ideas?

Yes I have a lot of ideas.

Its the same as peoople having a door on the toilet, for privacy.

Have you ever tried any lateral thinking puzzles, they may help expand your way of thinking, so that even though you don't agree with what people do, you may be able to understand it more.

http://rinkworks.com/brainfood/latreal.shtml

Exactly!

There are many ways for NTs (and others too, altought I doubt it happens especially often) to crush eachother's lives over such matters. You very likely have experienced bullying. People bully for the stupidest reasons imagineable (and beyond), in order to properly follow the herd. Any one of those "personal" things can be held against NTs by other NTs, and NTs constantly conspire against one another in such matters. (this is one of the main circumstances creating the problems non-NTs constantly face until they manage to learn what's going on and adapt) In my case, there are many "private" things that, if they became known to the average idiot at school, would quickly crush what little respect I have into oblivion and make my time there a living hell. Anything even slightly "out of the ordinary" could have that effect if revealed.

People can seldom be trusted beyond a certain point. Doing so can be your doom. Most people are used to living in this kind of situation, and have naturally grown uneasy when it comes to telling anything that could be held against them. Over time, (during childhood) it turns into a something resembling a phobia, and becomes the natural, deeply ingrained, way of thinking, beyond what is rational and meaningful.

There is also the issue of shame and guilt, two emotions that are completely nonsensical and have the sole effect of being painful and controlling to those who experience them. (thus why I am killing them once and for all)

Shame is (normally) often triggered when you think about those private things that are frowned upon. (as long as they are frowned upon by someone who you care about) When the people who look down upon the particular thing find it out, the average NT can be overwhelmed by shame if it is "serious" enough. The shame in itself can become feared, (and most certainly avoided) as shame is the most devastating emotional pain. (seconded by guilt)

The issue with guilt is pretty much the same, except that the things in question are (typically, it overlaps somewhat) different.


If you want to know exactly how shame and guilt works, then, when you next experience, take your time to carefully observe the thought patterns that cause it. (afterwards, you might want to get rid of them, as they are so stupid that there is no word to fully describe them. if you are capable of rational thought, they are obsolete, so there is no need to keep them, as they are nothing but useless weaknesses)

This is a fascinating topic.

It's hard to understand why some things are considered personal, especially since some NTs are happy to discuss things that others won't, even for people in the same culture.  Businessmen will often discuss their debts the way other people complain about the weather, but people don't often like to talk about their individual/family finances, for example.

I don't entirely understand personal but I do keep many of my own details to myself, I'm not sure if this is one way my ADHD overlaps with ASD or if all NTs have this muddled thinking.  But:

Fear of bullying is one good reason to keep medical details (like your Asperger's syndrome) private.  Extending this is fear of stigma and discrimination without obvious bullying (which I experience a lot lately).  If you follow it even further, there's a need to fit in with everyone else that gives people the urge to keep private any weaknesses that may cause people to think less of them or any strengths that may cause people to be envious of them.

I think that after you get to know someone, it's OK but not required to share personal details and is considered a deepening of intimacy.  Some people are so private with casual aquaintances (culture?) that they will only discuss what they've been doing and maybe a meal they enjoyed and only when you get to know them do they share their opinions on things.  Trying to have a conversation with these people is like trying to have a conversation with an itinerary - they talk for hours without sharing opinions or interests.  This may be because they don't feel comfortable with conflict or challenge and thus don't want to discuss topics where people have opinions different to theirs.

So really, keeping things personal is a way of getting along with other people.  It's one of the funny dances NTs need to act out to show each other that they are willing to make the effort to be just like everyone else.  That breaks down the fear and inhibition and gradually the personal details are shared as friendships are made.

Financial matters can potentially be used against them, as can medical matters, in that there is often a very competitive structure of reputations at stake. In reference to love lives, many people feel that this is something that they wish to keep to themselves, as it seems more "special" to them, if only they are aware of it.

as an aspie, there are times when i don't want to talk about some things, particularly my lesbianism, because i know there is prejudice and i don't want to deal with it. also, i may not want to give an nt an hour long explanation of something they won't understand anyway, especially if i need to be some where in 10 minutes. also ,nts have status games and can be very abusive to each other. so there may be real reasons why people won't talk about something.

There is more to information simply being used against someone - there are personal things I will not talk about in public simply because they are extremely private and either embarrassing or in some way "sacred".

I despise saying things I think will get me sympathy.  Most of the time it's unwanted, unnecessary, and uncomfortable.  I would only consider bringing them up if they were directly relevant to the situation at hand.  

Then if I'm actually depressed about something, normally I won't have the energy, or I'm too upset to able to verbalize it.

That's how I feel. I hate unwanted attention of any type.

Possibly to protect this and that: in their person, in their life, or in their experience
Another persons comprehension of what has a meaning for you, or their response to it, or the use they might put knowledge of it to; might risk the erosion or destruction of what something begins as meaning to you.

So, maybe sometimes an NT is saying, whoah: I don't want you to press any further into who I am.
NT's probably do wish to go through a progression: building up trust, in what could be very particular ways.
NTs could also find what another person wants to talk about, quite alien and strange: we can, all of us, be very different from some other people; the ways of each of us can be very different.

What an aspie and an NT might consider personal (maybe I'm meaning private here) could vary.
But, maybe both keep this and that private, in order to keep this and that under their own control, and maybe to feel safe.

Keeping something personal, is also to say that you don't want to share something, or that you want to keep its sharing under your own control.
NTs can feel intruded upon, by what aspies say, by what aspies do.

It can also be to do with a rights thing. What is personal, being protected against intrusion: certainly by social convention; and possibly by law.

An NT can also mean something they have experienced, and often with another person.
Maybe aspies experience the universe, more than they experience themselves.
NTs have a particular sense of how unigue their own sensed experience, and their own life journey is. It is personal: it consists in what they personally experienced. It's something of a sensual thing.
Aspies maybe tend to more general abstraction.

Maybe aspies have thoughts and feelings which place them more directly in the universe.
Maybe NTs have thoughts and feelings which place them first in the herd.
So maybe personal does have a lot to do with being part of a herd.

NTs might argue that aspies do not have, have not developed personal existence and occurrence.
Aspies might argue that NTs throw in this notion of the personal, because they cannot deal with the reality of things beyond the herd mill.

I suspect you ask a central question, to which there are no easy answers.

Sometimes I do regret telling people personal information such as having depression when they seem to use it against me by giving out silly advice such as "pull yourself together", "just forget about it" and similar.

I also have some issues with knowing how much personal information to give out when people ask personal questions. Perhaps the best way of knowing whether or not to say anything is to think how the question makes you feel inside.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then it is probably too personal and if you possibly can, it's a good idea to say that you'd rather not talk about it.

Or what about the people who tell you all about their latest operation or their constipation problem or their kid's constipation problem? Sometimes, it's too much information.