Aspies For Freedom

http://www.sengifted.org/articles_counse...ildren.pdf

   This link is to an article on the common misperceptions/misdiagnoses of gifted children and adults by 'experts' and teachers.  It makes succinctly good points about how unusual behaviors should not be deemed negative but should be recognized and understood and appreciated.  
   My Aspieness/HFA went unrecognized and punished as a behavioural problem (I was kicked out of high school for being 'antisocial' and having 57 absences my final semester even though I had a 4.0) throughout my life, and it is only recently that I have begun to be encouraged academically.   Also, both of my parents and my little brother are Aspie and HFA and they were completely under the radar as well.  My family was homeless when I was born, and off and on again until age 4, with no prospects and unable to seek help or medical assistance or verbalize their need out of a quite rational fear of authority.  My brother is brilliant and sweet and sensitive but has been unable to leave the house by himself for the past 9 years (he is 22).  
   I dislike the 'functioning' labels because they place the burden of conformity and change on the autist and also imply two-dimensional and formulaic IQ standards which are innappropriately applied as many so-called 'low-functioning' individuals are at 'normal' intelligence or above, and even if they are not, I think that the truest part of a person is their capacity to love others and to feel, regardless of IQ.  
   At school I have no support and no legal backing as I navigate a major (biochemistry/medicine) that is undergoing a change to involve teamwork, exclusively, and surrounded by students and occasionally teachers who are resentful of giftedness in the most obviously odd.  I find myself able to jump every academic hoop with flying colors but unable to make friends, go into grocery stores, or seek an official diagnosis.  
   I quit my job of two years three months ago because it was taking the company 3-5 months to issue me a paycheck (I'm not kidding), and I recently bolstered my courage and applied to three places, two of which did not respond and one of which, a research position attempting to characterize autistic social development (I thought my opinions might hold some sway and that I could banish ignorance, boy am I naive sometimes), responded "Not in our lab," and that was all.  Not even the courtesy of an explanation.  All of my energy and focus for the past five years has been on transferring to a technical college, and now I feel that no matter what my level of education/expertise, I will always be held back by some pencil-pusher who cannot appreciate neurological difference.  
   Recently I have lost a friend who when I told her that I am autistic, said to me "If that's true, why do you even want to live?"  I am losing hope and drive and am very isolated.  Though I have been self-supporting for over two years, I have become increasingly reliant on my family--we have always been our own and only little idiosyncratic tribe--but at 25 I feel worried to be so much closer to my family than others my age and it has interfered with my ability to form new friendships.  I have been considering starting up a face-to-face group for autistic adults as there seems to be nothing at all in my region, which would be a rather huge task as I am shy and prone to silence and not at all the good-hostess sort, but I am not even sure that there is anyone else in my area or how to find out.        If you have any advice, I would appreciate it, as this community is my primary window into autistic culture and first-ever sense of belonging.  Thank you for that.
   Though I dislike how sometimes others respond to it, manipulate and misrepresent it, I treasure my autism; it is my life and core, and has shaped the wonder and experiences of everyone I love.

I think its great that you are close to your family. I wouldn't worry that its stopping you making friends, as if you had no family you could feel very unloved and that could stop you having the confidence to make friends.

I wouldn't let the impolite job reply put you off, as it was probably not personal, just a standard quick reply that they use, some places don't reply at all.

Your friend sounds like she knew very little about autism, a situation we were all in at one point. Did she have contact with you after that, or just ignore you?

Are you suffering from depression? That makes everything twice as hard.

I have been depressed, and I hermitize and bury my attention in schoolwork to cope.  It's all contextual, though, and linked to having to force myself into neurotypical habits in the lab for most of the week.  You are right about my family, they are my joy .  My friend just does not understand and expects me to respond to her the way she responds to others, and I don't blame her but I cannot.  She has recently relinquished our friendship.  
I have found a group of autistic adults about 30 miles away, but they meet during my chemistry class, so now it is up to me to organize something and to try to find people who would like to participate.  My sensory issues are very strong and I also have panic disorder but I am willing to work through it to branch out of my safety zone.  Also, I want to go to Autreat in June, even though it coincides with the first week of school, for the chance to be in an autistic-positive environment for the first time in my life.  Perhaps I will post about carpooling to Autreat (I am willing to drive or fly as long as I don't have to use the telephone.  Even though I am in the US and you are based in the UK, do you think that many members will be making the trip, or going to Autscape?  Have you gone to either?  If so, what was it like?  The prospect of meeting other autists is exciting.

About 60 people went to autscape last year, I did not go and am very unlikely to go this year.
I dont know how many go to Autreat, but I have heard very good things about it.
I personally think it would be worth attending even if it means missing part of school.

I also think its worth trying to set up a group, you could post in our local groups section and see if there are any other people in your area.

At least you will know you have tried, even if its not hugely successful. There could easily be other people in your area who feel like you do.

I have met quite a few other people on the spectrum, one chance meeting was some brief words and then just standing and looking, without words it meant more and is a happy memory.

Thank you for the encouragement.  I will go to Autreat, even if I drive alone cross-country (the alone-ness isn't really the weird part, I have travelled alone before, it's when unexpected things happen like being unable to start my car and having to verbally communicate with strangers to take care of necessities).  I will definitely look for others in my area.
I know what you mean about chance encounters.  I was having a panic attack in a health food store once, and a man whom was more obviously uncomfortable than I (he was actively stimming with his hands) passed me in the aisle.  I caught his eye and smiled spontaneously and I thought, this person's eyes tell a completely different story from his curled up arms, most people would mistake him for being mentally handicapped by his dress and his behaviour, but he is most definitely not so, he is autistic like me, and how destructive and ostracizing those assumptions can be.  We shared a brief moment of wordless understanding before he got shy and walked away.  Later, as I stood in the checkout line (definitely the worst part of the grocery store), I caught him looking at me again while rocking.  I smiled again before we both turned away shyly, too sensitive for eye contact or conversation, and having a form of communication that all the other customers were completely oblivious to.  It was a great experience.

I read on the autreat website that they can arrange very cheap airline tickets. Maybe you could email them and ask about that.

Found it.  And just in case anyone else is interested:  http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/aut...Rows&tbl=1