Aspies For Freedom

or when making bangers and mash, shepherd's pie, and so on.

I can't remember feeling any intimacy in real life, atleast not during the last couple of years. I have some weak, diffuse memories of short moments of something like that from when I was very young, however. (family related. damnit, I was naive back then)


The only intimacy I have felt in many years, beginning quite recently, stems from my fantasies, and that specific kind of intimacy I don't think I should go into details about.

Envy versus jealousy?

The two are close cousins.  The difference may lie more in connotation than denotation.

"Envy" is probably used more often in connection with another's achievements, accomplishments, or possessions.

"Jealousy" is probably more commonly used in connection with personal relationships.  There may be an element of associated personal loss, or a feeling of betrayal.

And the two words may certainly be used interchangeably in some contexts.

Examples:  One might say that a particular man feels envy that another man drives a Porsche.  The first man might also be said to feel jealous of the second man's Porsche.

The first man would likely feel jealous if he learned that the second man was seeing the first man's girlfriend.  He would probably not say he felt envy in this situation, but jealousy.

In a different situation, the first man might feel envy over the "trophy wife" of the man with the Porsche.  He would be less likely to say he was jealous, however, if he had no prior relationship with this woman.  In this situation, he may covet what the second man has, but he feels no sense of personal betrayal.  Hence, he is envious rather than jealous.


"O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on."    Othello, Act III, Scene 3

Same holds for me! If I like someone very much and care for her, I'm perfectly okay with her pursuing a relationship that she wants, and I'm actually happy for her. I'd never be jealous of someone because he/she has a relationship that I'd want to have.

I've experienced real intimacy only a few times in my entire life, with girls I really felt a connection with. If I'm having intimate feelings for someone, it's often a feeling of trust, and care for her. I often don't like being touched unexpectedly, and are very apprehensive to touch someone myself, but in those few moments I felt totally different, wanting to just put my arm around her for some reason, feeling very comfortable. The most beautiful thing is when she gives you a signal she feels just the same way.

Making a steamed steak-and-kidney pudding with suet pastry would be intimate, because you can never buy this kind of food in restaurants - except perhaps a few that are very expensive. The same would be true of apple crumble and custard.  :smile:

Hi tiateale, it's good to see you here, I remember you from Aspergian Island.   :smile:

I sometimes find that my husband is not aware of my feelings, just because they are not apparent in my body language, as Amy mentioned, and also because my voice usually does not reflect emotion unless I am feeling very upset or stressed.

He said yesterday that he thinks I am much more complex than most women, and he gave the example of sitting in the sun by the swimming pool.  Most women would just be thinking about their tan lines and watching the clouds go by, but I might be pondering something that I read on the Internet earlier in the day, and he can never guess what's going on in my head.

I do enjoy spending time with my family, and I sometimes have those sudden happy feelings that you describe as "a psycho emotional reaction,"  :lol:   but it is not always apparent to others.

When I hear about people such as this woman, I'm glad that my social contacts are as limited as they are. She sounds like nothing but trouble. I understand your concern, but it's up to you and your boyfriend to sort out your difference of opinion.

I used to read a lot about evolutionary biology when I was young. There are two kinds of selection operating in evolution; natural selection and sexual selection. Some of the stuff that I read about animal behaviour and sexual selection reminded me of the behaviour of some people who I now categorize as "neurotypical". Some individual creatures find other creatures more sexually attractive if they are sought-after by others as a mate. Sexual popularity makes some creatures even more attractive to some. Are people who are sexually attracted to already attached people practicing sexual selection in the same way as these creatures? Is this woman you describe best described as immoral or as pitiful and rather kinky?

Personally, myself, I have absolutely no time whatsoever for psychoanalysis, depth psychology, Freud or any of those other self-appointed mind "experts". If you take a cold, objective look at the followings that the works of Jung and Freud have gathered over the decades, they have more characteristics in common with religious cults than with any credible branch of science. My advice to any person who wants to understand another person better is to ask the person themself, don't ask some therapist.

Ahumanbeing, I find your idea that you can judge whether another person experiences "true intimacy" or not to be questionable. There are only two people who are in a position to judge such things; the people directly involved.

I guess you've never read Karl Popper's explanation of why psychotherapy is not science. I guess you have never read about the story of the Cochrane Collaboration, it's place in medical science, how and why it operates the way it does, and why it was set up. I guess you never understood what Richard Dawkins meant when he said "show me a cultural relativist in a jet aircraft at 35 000 feet, and I'll show you a hypocrite." I might be a humble housewife and mum, but I'm very grateful for the education that I have.

Of course there are many culture-specific rules about different ways in which the sexes are supposed to behave. It's the very specific nature of these rules that makes me sceptical of the notion that there is one powerful cultural force called patriarchy. Men can't fall pregnant and they can't breastfeed, and those biological realities can't be modified by culture.

It's no secret that I subscribe to the "extreme male brain" theory of autism, but my own personal observations have forced me to modify the notion that this kind of mind tends to go with maleness. I know just as many females as males with autism or traits of autism. I believe that there are masculine and feminine type brains and neutral types, but I think it's quite a common thing for people to have a brain that does not match their anatomy.

Well, one can't live a completely happy life if there are a hundred unanswered questions about one's self and one's life always lurking in the shadows of the mind. Mysteries are no fun if they all involve one's self, and one can not be sure that the answers are not something really sinister. That's why theories about autism are of interest to me, personally.

Hello Moderator!

Some cultures don't value Western science and it's accompanying philosophies. Some Western subcultures explicitly devalue these methodologies and philosophies. So some American New Age flake who tours the world by jet plane on a lecture tour is a hypocrite. Let him take a camel instead, and if he falls off and breaks a bone, he should go see the local homeopath rather than an emergency dept of a modern hospital.

Couldbecousin wrote

Well, you're only as bad as those horrible, insensitive, brutish male members of the human race. :wink:

A few years ago an Australian actor who is known for being unable to complete performing commitments due to some mental health problem explained in an interview that after the September 11th thing he was incapacitated due to being too distressed. I knew that many people watching that interview would admire the man for his emotional sensitivity, but I was thinking "Get a grip you ridiculous man".