Hi Stella and all Aspies for Freedom.
I also think that the weird kid friend should not be abandoned, particularly if she has an autism spectrum condition like us. The girl sounds like she is very loyal and kind, if needy. And then needy is a relative term. They both have needs like all of humanity.
Why is the girl thinking she might sacrifice her own happiness or not have a satisfying friendship? Also why is the parent saying that the girl's social life is limited.
That's really worrying that the girl threatened to kill people who were playing tricks on her. We all want to kill people sometimes, but we don't say so (at least, I try very hard not to). When I was in year 7, some students played a trick on me with fart gas when I was in my German class. The smell of the room was horrible. It's more worrying that she may be sent to a school for the emotionally disturbed. I do not think that is a good match for her.
I think the parent concerned should tell the parents, because the girl concerned probably isn't going to, not if the tricks are really cruel and humiliating, and not if they're a part of her life.
I would like to hear from people who do have friendships and what are they like? Are they more similar or more different from the situation described in the column? What would you do to make sure both of you were satisfied in the friendship/relationship?
Its obvious the aspie friend needs psychological counseling to deal with the problems middle school kids are piling on her.
I am dumbstruck at the NT's girls mother's unwillingness to help her daughters friend. The aspie girl doesnt need to be sent to an EH school she does need counselling and services that she is obviously not getting.
I hope the mother's daughter keeps her friendship.
As for the 'weird kid', should she be aspie or whatever, I think her tormentors need to be trapped in a room for 12 hours with an extra-sadistic masochist...
Take out the outbursts of rage and that's pretty much my childhood/teenage years in a nutshell. Schools just don't give a damn about what the "normal" kids do to the "weird" kids...if you take offense at the constant torment, you're just being "thin skinned". Bullies have free reign in public schools unless parents step in and raise some serious trouble, in my experience.
I am continually disturbed by how often school administrators suggest solving bullying and cruel ostracism in schools by removing the victim. Someone needs to punish those kids and give them a little humility.
I am NOT impressed by the person who wrote the letter (the mother). I am confused as to why she is so involved in her daughter's social life. It seems that if her daughter wants to be friends with this girl, good for her. Why would this woman want her daughter to be friends with people who are so intolerant?
I also don't understand why the school hasn't taken a stronger stance on the bullying. It's tough to know what to do with someone says that they want to kill the people who bully them. But it's pretty clear what to do with the bullies.
The poor girl. Of course I'm referring to the friend. My best friend is actually an adult woman who was like this girl growing up. Unfortanetly, her friends dropped like flies.
My best teenage friend - - well, her parents told her not to like me. They even made things up to get her to stop liking me.
We fought a lot afterwards. She'd try to beat me up, I wouldn't take it.
We're friends again now, though. But so many aren't that fortunate.
I'll add my anger to the list of those who find this type of bullying appalling. Yes, schools should do something about it, but they don't. My son has gone to five different schools in the last seven years, and of those only one seemed to follow thru on this. The majority proclaim that they have policies against bullying and that it is not tolerated, but they lie. My son has been set up and tricked by other kids, to the point he reacts angrily, and then who gets in trouble? You can probably guess...
He is very sensitive, and doesn't have the social awareness yet to know when he's being messed with, and it really works on him when the truth of what has happened sets in. He will stress and spiral to the point we start getting letters home from the teachers saying "he's not paying attention" or "he's just not with us". About that time we're calling the teachers and the principal again, arranging another meeting so we can educate the so-called special education staff about why he' s so stressed. We're constantly trying to get these schools to understand how important it is to watch for this type of bullying and to punish the bullies. They may nod their heads in agreement, but most seem to believe it's just the way things are, and it's just a phase, or maybe you could enroll him in karate class (jeeez, somebody get these people out of the education business!) Our answer is to keep up the fight, don't tolerate it, call the school on it every time. :evil:
[quote="Alison"][quote="Stella"][b][size=18]My child continues to be kind to her but most of the middle-school students are not, and some even play cruel, humiliating tricks on her. Her parents don't realize how much hostility their daughter faces every day, and I don't want to tell them.
... Oh, poor little girl! (The Aspie girl, not the NT). How cruel. The kids who do that sort of thing should be the ones sent to a special school, a reform school.
Hi All: I am working with a child in middleschool who has Aspergers. He has just started in grade 6. He also wants to desperately play with children who were in his old school but who want to move on to new friends(in different classrooms now also). This is an age group where they get really selfconscious about things and want to fit in and be popular so old friends may feel bad inside but want to succeed socially themselves. With the child I work with I took a chart to the other children's teacher and she let them know how my student was feeling. Different children voluntarily put their names in for certain recesses including the 'best friend' from primary school. This has satisfied my student in that he has scheduled time with his friends that he can look forward to - they let him know if they cannot make it for some reason and he accepts that easily - it seems to work well for both sides. Before my student would be so upset and act out (which did not help him socially in middleschool!) - he is satisfied with the arrangement and no longer 'hangs around when he isn't wanted' and therefore negative situations are no longer occurring.