I am not much of a writer. I think what the parents had to say was even worse than what "Dr." Phil said. The following it comes from the website and represents a pretty good transcript of the show:
"My son, Alex, was about 18 months old when I first noticed something was wrong. I'd walk into the daycare and Alex would be hitting his head on the floor," says Karen.
Her husband, Rich, adds, "When he was 4 years old, Alex started to exhibit some strange symptoms. He had a dazed look, and usually this was followed by a very explosive episode."
The director of Alex's preschool told Rich and Karen that Alex was fidgety, his concentration level was less than the other kids and that he couldn't stay unless they took care of his issues. "As a mother, I felt absolutely devastated because I saw Alex as being like every other child in that room," says Karen.
Alex was put on Ritalin for a short time. "Instead of calming down," says Karen, "Alex climbed walls."
In first grade, his teacher called in the school psychologist because of some of Alex's odd behavior. The psychologist asked Rich and Karen if they were familiar with Asperger's syndrome. Both said no, and she told them their son had a form of what is known as high-functioning autism. "My whole life fell apart," says Karen. "What was most painful was I wanted him to be normal. I wanted him to have a good life. And I didn't know how I was going to provide it.
"Dealing with Asperger's is extremely tough," says Karen, "because the syndrome fluctuates. There are times Alex looks and acts extremely normal and in control. But with the blink of an eye, he has outrageous behavior."
For example, a video camera placed in his room captures Alex, now 15, shouting at his mother. "I know! I'm not an idiot, and I know I made a damn mistake!"
"A blowup will escalate fairly quickly," says Rich. "He is very smart, and he knows how to press the buttons."
The camera captures Alex explaining heatedly to his mother, imitating her tone of voice, "You can't tell me it's that bad at school when all the kids are friendly to you. Yet inside, I know they're afraid." Later, he punches the air and says, "I cannot believe how damn irresponsible I am!"
But in calmer times, Alex has insight into his own disorder. "It's sort of like a snowball effect. I try at first to blow off steam little by little. If I cannot do that, it's all just downhill from there. I just explode."
"He starts yelling, we start yelling, and then soon everyone is yelling," Rich says.
The camera in their home captured Rich taking an aggressive tone with his son. "Alex, you imagine so much!" he says.
Alex responds with a scream from the top of his lungs. "I can see right through them!"
"You can't see through anybody!" Rich yells back. "You can't even see through your mother or me! You can't tell when we're mad or not!" Karen throws her arms into the air and pleads for calm.
Karen says that if Alex doesn't understand a homework assignment, he might have a meltdown. He has slammed doors, thrown books, and has even thrown objects at her and her husband.
"When Alex was 10 or 11 he lost control and threw me across the room," Rich reveals, "which was incredible strength for a kid his age. It scared me at one point. I absolutely fear my son when things get physical." The incident left Rich with black and blue marks across his chest.
"If I get mad, I may hit a person when they didn't even do anything to me," Alex reveals.
"My life centers around Alex because his condition is so volatile, someone has to be there to pick up the pieces," says Karen. "But yet, at some point I want to have my life back too."
Aware that he is being filmed in his bedroom, Alex approaches the camera and looks squarely into the lens. In an eerily stern voice, he says, "I don't need any of your dumba** help. I'll be the dictator of the world. You'll be bowing down to me. Everybody will die except for me." He proceeds to pull books off his shelves and toss them across the room. "How do you like that? Bulls*** to you!"
Back in the studio, Dr. Phil asks Karen and Rich, "What is this doing to you as a couple?"
Rich responds, "We don't have a normal relationship in the sense that most married people of 20-plus years have, not because I don't think either one of us doesn't like each other, but I think we're more like two friends living in the same house. And we both have committed to Alex so much, that we're just friends."
"And he continues to do what he's doing, and you two have what I call non-directional frustration," says Dr. Phil. "Since you don't know what to do with him, since you can't get that to change, you kind of vent toward each other. It's kind of, 'I'm so frustrated, and I can't do anything here, so I'm going to pull back from my partner. I'm going to go into a shell.'"
Karen and Rich jointly confirm.
"And of course that doesn't make the situation better. That makes it worse," says Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil explains that Rich has been hiding some of the protective measures he has taken, but that he is ready to reveal them now.
Rich explains, "I try not to talk too much about things that Alex could do to us to my wife because I don't want her to take on another burden in her mind. I've taken a number of steps to make sure that we're safe in the household that I don't even think my wife knows about. I've made sure that there are no sharp objects in the house except for in the kitchen, and I've put screwdrivers and hammers away from Alex in our bedroom. I've even put away some medications that my wife is not aware of that he can't get to. The thinking Alex would never hurt anybody, but the non-thinking Alex might not think first."
"You fear for your safety," Dr. Phil says.
Rich explains that to some degree he does, but that his greater fear is what will happen when Alex eventually has a girlfriend and has his first inevitable experience with heartbreak.
"When the stress gets high, when he starts getting emotionally invested and
"Yeah, I think that one [blow up is] going to be even bigger than what would happen to us," Rich concludes.
"Do you worry about that?" Dr. Phil asks Karen.
"Oh, absolutely," she responds. "I've gotten calls from school where Alex didn't like how somebody looked at him and he punched him. And then he goes running and hiding and nobody can find him for hours."
"I think it's really important that you understand the nature of this disease," Dr. Phil stresses. "If he was born with some kind of defect in his leg and he limped, you wouldn't criticize him for that, you wouldn't be upset with him for that. That would be totally involuntary, right? What if this is exactly the same thing? What if this is not something that you therapy out of? What if this is not something that a talking cure will fix? What if it's not a manipulation and exploitation on his part, but instead is neurologically based and totally involuntary on his part — doesn't mean that it can't be dealt with symptomatically, that there might not be some medications that can help, that there may not be some things that can improve the expressions of the symptoms, but that it does have a neurological brain disorder basis. If you at least had clear answers about that, don't you think it would take some of the mystery away and give you some clarity on what you're dealing with?"
"Absolutely," says Karen. "And it would take the burden off. I wouldn't have to feel so guilty."
A hidden camera placed within the family's home captures some of Alex's erratic behavior.
Alex sits before the television. "The Maryland boy, freeball goooooood!" he shouts at the set.
On another occasion, he shouts at his mother. "Get out!"
"Alex, stop," she says.
"Get out," he repeats.
And on yet another occasion, he growls loudly as he slams his bedroom door.
His mother opens the door and pokes her head into his room. "You need more attention? Is that it?"
"No," he says.
"Then why'd you have to slam the door?" she asks.
"I'm upset with myself," he responds miserably.
"I feel like I'm not normal," says 15-year-old Alex. "In relation to my other friends, I feel like I'm different. Sometimes people call me '***' and it makes me feel bad on the inside, and I wish there was a way they could stop calling me that."
"Sometimes Alex understands that it's teasing. But other times he does not," says Rich. "Alex's outbursts can be very verbal, and very long-lasting. He will drag them on as long as he can."
"My friends would describe me as probably a person who at one point would be the nicest guy in the world," Alex explains, "but if you egg him on, his stress level is high, he will get mad at you, he may hurt you. You just don't know what's going to happen."
"Sometimes I think that Alex likes having this disorder because it gives him a control, an excuse for his behavior," Karen reveals. "I get so frustrated because I really shouldn't be getting mad at him for things that he doesn't understand."
The video captures Rich yelling at Alex. "Stop cheating! Stop lying! Stop sneaking around!"
"How can I get over that habit?" Alex responds, heatedly.
"You just stop!" Rich says.
"You just have to stop it! You have to take control!" Karen says aggressively.
Alex feels helpless against the increasing tension in his family. "The arguments are the biggest issue in my mind because I think it's starting to tear our family apart. I wish there was something I could do," says Alex. "I'd like Dr. Phil to help my family out so we can stop having these arguments, so we can stop tearing each other apart. It's hurt my parents' relationship. It's hurt our whole family's relationship."
"Well, how are you doing?" Dr. Phil asks Alex.
"Well, I'm glad to be on your show. I love your show, whenever I get around to it, I watch it. I love your show. I love you."
Dr. Phil lets out a pleased chuckle. "I knew I liked this kid. We know he's smart, right? He's got great taste, so that's good." They all laugh together. He addresses Alex. "It's an old saying, 'Out of the mouths of babes.' What you said in your taped piece made the most sense of everything. You said, 'What I want is to see if Dr. Phil can help our family,' OK? It's interesting that you're the one who's suffering with the disorder, but yet what he says is, 'I want some help for our family.' And I've said a million times, if one member of a family gets cancer, for example, the whole family has cancer. You know this affects your mom, you know it affects your dad, you know it affects the way they relate to each other and to you. And what you want is to have this whole thing decompressed. Now your mom said, 'Sometimes I think he likes having this disorder.' Now, she doesn't really mean that, and she could explain that, but you really don't like having this at all."
"No, not at all," says Alex, "I really don't like it. I just don't feel normal at all."
"What is your experience when you start feeling it building up inside? Do you know? Do you feel it coming on?" Dr. Phil probes.
Alex replies, "At times I do, actually. I will start getting a headache. I will start making a fist. I'll just feel my whole body shaking at times. I just can't control it."
"Do you feel like you have any ability when you recognize it to stop it?" Dr. Phil asks.
Alex says sometimes he feels that he has the ability to put the breaks on. "But at times it can be so strong I can't stop it anymore," he says.
Dr. Phil acknowledges that there are other traits of Asperger's besides rage, but Alex's tantrums get the most attention. "When you get into the rage, are you aware that you're losing control? Are you aware that you're just venting and percolating and that it isn't really about what you're focused on?"
"No," says Alex, "I do not realize what's going on around me at all."
"Do you know why you do this?"
"No, I don't know at all."
"And you know friends are nervous around you. Peers are nervous around you, because you can kind of spin out of control and go off, right?" Alex agrees.
Dr. Phil introduces Dr. Greg Hipskind who has training in neurology and family medicine. He is the chief medical officer at Brain Matters, Inc. Dr. Phil asks for his opinion on Alex's case.
"What we're learning now with brain imaging and some of the newer technology," Dr. Hipskind replies, "is that most of these problems have a brain basis, a neurological basis. In other words, the behaviors that you see are rooted in the brain. Like you alluded to earlier, if someone had a problem with their leg, you would certainly want to take an X-ray of it and look at it and take care of that. Similarly, our philosophy is that most of these problems have as the organ of interest the brain. These are brain problems and they have a biological basis."
"And in fact, there is brain imaging available at this point and we have some of that to compare a normal brain with an Asperger's brain, correct?"
"That's correct," Dr. Hipskind responds.
Dr. Phil then turns to the broad screen behind him which contains twin computerized images of the brain, side-by-side. Dr. Phil asks Dr. Hipskind to explain what the image means.
"On the left hand side of the screen," Dr. Hipskind begins, "we're looking at a normal brain, if you will, from the underneath side as if you were looking from the feet up. And the red coloration in this particular palette or scale denotes normal brain activity, normal blood flow. And on the right what we're seeing is on this scale significant areas of his temporal lobes and part of his frontal lobes, the two circles, the white circles are the temporal lobes; and the yellow color denotes areas that are two standard deviations below normal; green, three standard deviations below normal."
Dr. Phil proposes brain imaging for Alex. He says to Dr. Hipskind, "And y'all are willing to do that with Alex, and do it very thorough and detailed to find out exactly what's going on, exactly the level of the problem and then begin to develop some strategies for managing it because there are alternatives for managing this, correct?"
"Absolutely," agrees Dr. Hipskind. "We call them brain-based strategies."
The family agrees to begin treatement with Brain Matters, Inc. "Alright, you can have pictures to show your friends. 'Here's my brain. How about yours?'" Dr. Phil joshes.
And besides, highschool is probably the most stressful point in most people's lives. (At least, I hope to high hell it's going to prove to be the most stressful period in my life...). Near constant sensory stimulations (mainly audial and visual but also scents), crowds, no-where quiet which provides an effective calm-down period, pressure from teachers and other students to 'fit in', near-constant bullying, and on top of all that the accademic pressures (which are more properly described as 'pressure to regurgitate stuff under exam conditions' than 'pressure to be knowledgable in various fields').
I also wonder what actually happened with "I've gotten calls from school where Alex didn't like how somebody looked at him and he punched him. And then he goes running and hiding and nobody can find him for hours.". What a school describes as 'just looked at him' could be anything from just being looked at, through verbal attacks, through to being shoved. Nothing that would leave a bruise on the person who was "Just looked at", though. Usually, at least.
""My friends would describe me as probably a person who at one point would be the nicest guy in the world," Alex explains, "but if you egg him on, his stress level is high, he will get mad at you, he may hurt you. You just don't know what's going to happen."" -- Oh, that's interesting. I'd probably say that my friends all the way through high school would have said that about me. As would the bullies. Which is why I was bullied, probably, they knew they'd get a reaction. Egging someone on while they're stress level is high is what I'd define as fairly typical high-school bullying. At least, if done with the aim of getting a reaction.
And if you do something looking for a reaction, as my drama teacher who physically stopped me from punching someone's lights out after several minutes of verbal assault while he was out of the room once put it, you can't complain when you get the reaction. He then, privately and totally off the record congratulated me for my actions. Which really confused me, considering it flew in the face (and still does) of what I know of as acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. In fact, I seem to recall being told by the same member of staff at that place that physically responding to physical acts is inappropriate but physically responding to verbal acts is appropriate but not officially condonable. And she was the person from the special needs department assigned to me for most of my high-school carreer.
Aside from that, the issues that I can see are pretty much what everyone else is saying. The treating of him as having a disease, and the reacting to anger with anger at him being angry rather than dealing with why he's angry...
There have been a few studies lately that indicate that being famous is more important than anything to most people.
As for Dr. Phil, after reading this thread I watched a bit of his show last night and found him very direct and willing to say things that others would never have the guts to say. He also seemed to give people courage to say things they wanted to say.
It was a show on men not wanting to get married, but they were living with women who wanted to be married, and 'played house' by cleaning, cooking, having sex and otherwise taking care of the men. He basically seemed to be convincing the women that 1) it's bad to stay with a man who won't marry you 2) even if he says he'll marry you if you threaten to leave, why would you want to marry someone who is marrying you reluctantly.
While I don't disagree with him, and would never be happy in a situation like that, one thing they did not address is the difficulty in finding someone, ANYONE who will stay with you marriage or not. Some people stay with such people because being alone is more painful and if these women leave these men there is no guarentee they'll find someone better who WILL marry them.
So I can see how Dr. Phil is trying to do the right thing, but I also think that people and relationships are more complex than he lets on. He's more interested in black and white right or wrong answers and seems to ignore the feelings and needs of the actual living people sitting in front of him.
The biggest problem I have with shows like his are the QUANTITY of people he tries to help in such a SHORT period of time. He's giving pat answers without really delving into the complex issues of their lives. You might be able to help someone by reading a spec sheet of their lives and applying a few tidbits of knowledge and experience - but you only help them in a way of giving them some perspective and options about what might be other possibilities that they haven't thought about. (kind of like we do on forums)
But Dr. Phil uses his authority of "doctor" and his fame and tries to tell people what to do. No self-respecting psychologist would do what he's doing.
I still think he MEANS well though. He's just misled by his own fame. In other words, he believes his own hype. And that is the most dangerous place to be.
Also, when I watched the Dr Phil Show about the autistic boy, I only noticed the parents seemingly whining about how dreadful this child was and continually provoking fights with him.
I didn't see anywhere that they thought he had positive aspects to his personality. The best part was where they had some footage of the boy explaining his own feelings about having to cope with autism.
I was later told that the footage was very selectively edited to give maximum shock value and that the mum in particular wasn't the complete dragon she was portrayed as.
As for the marriage thing, Dr Phil often attributes his success to his wife, who is a paragon of perfection (which is nice to know). He married early and was taken in hand and "civilised".
Some men don't want to get married because they are afraid they will lose all their personal autonomy, become a boring suburbanite, become stereotyped and so on. Women also have these feelings.
But what I find alarming is how many women feel that a big white wedding is the be all and end all of life. Everything after that is downhill. They can act like prima donnas and not be told to pull their head in. The poor husband to be is often a nervous wreck.
I used to think men who didn't want to commit to marriage were slackos but now I've begun to see some reasons why.