I don't have the slightest idea why NT:s smile so much. Personally, I can never interprate a smile "properly". Is the person smiling because I look dumb or said something "wrong" or "funny"? Or is the smile meant as a friendly gesture? Or is it polite, meant to put me at my ease? And how the hell do you tell the difference between the various types? They all look the same to me, possibly excepting a slight change in the wrinkles around the eyes.
When I smile in a general conversation with NT:s in everyday life, I just fake all my smiles into an approximation of what the "typical" NT smile tends to look like. I also try to smile at what I judge to be the "appropriate intervals" in the conversation, based on what I've gathered from watching NT:s converse with each other. I have no idea if I'm doing it properly or not. Most likely not.
I notice most NT:s always appear to have a slight smile on their faces when talking to each other, even if the other person isn't saying something funny. If I could just be myself in a conversation, that's when I'd smile myself; if the other person said something funny and I was amused. I don't understand always smiling at the other person, regardless of the topic. What if the topic is serious? Or sad? Maybe it is just a way of being non-threathening, I don't know.
When I smile at a stranger it is usually just to acknowledge them pleasantly. I also like to smile at strangers because so few people even look up as they walk around the place and it feels good to share some positivity with another person. It is possible that this girl who smiles at you recognises you, and smiling is like a milder and less confronting way of saying "hello" to someone you recognise but don't know.
When I smile in my conversations with people, even if they haven't said something funny, it is just a way of showing that I'm enjoying talking to them and finding them interesting. It's amazing how much this impacts the other person's enjoyment of talking with you!
As Bright Skies says, it's a powerful manipulative trick. Smiling at someone and greeting them warmly, then saying goodbye in the same way. Pop psychology books like 'How To Win Friends And Influence People' make mention of it.
I dunno. Its a trick I've learned though that a smile is usually easier then starting a conversation. A lot of people think I'm being snobbish when I don't talk to them, but a smile usually conveys warmth much easier then saying much.
I'm NT and new here. I can tell you that I smile because I am happy, because it is a neutral way of saying hello to people walk by on the street, because it shows interest in the person. There are many reasons to smile, and most of them are positive and show that you acknowledge the other person.
When someone knocks on my door and they want to sell me something, why exactly are they smiling then? As a confidence trick?
When you said 'it shows interest in the person' how are you interested in the person if you dont know them? Or are you interested in people in general?
In that instance, a smile is not necessarily a confidence trick. It would be something s/he would do to make you feel comfortable long enough to listen so they can get to the confidence trick. :lol: When people come to my door, right after they say hello and what they are selling, I smile politely back and say, "No thank you," and shut the door.
Showing interest is just that. All different types of people are interesting to me. I wonder what make them tick and what they like or don't like. Maybe if they're having a bad day, someone giving them a smile will cheer them up. A smile doesn't mean I want to stop and have a full conversation with them at that moment, but it could be a start. Or it could be a way to let them know I'm friendly and not about to snatch their purse. It could be a way to show sympathy while a mom is dealing with a tantruming toddler. Again, a smile is just a way of showing friendly, positive respect. To truly manipulate people you need to work a lot harder than one smile.
Sure, but if a salesman smiles at you it's a pure con. Or the introduction to one.
The question is, how do you know when someone's smile is because they are mentally laughing at something they are thinking about, or even about YOU.
The question is, how do you know when someone's smile is because they are mentally laughing at something they are thinking about, or even about YOU.
You won't know. People smile to themselves thinking about something funny someone said to them or earlier all the time. I know I do, I can be walking around the store daydreaming and doing the same thing. If they're not directly engaging and looking directly at you, it probably has nothing to do with you and there's no problem.
If they are mentally laughing at you, you can kind of tell because it isn't as much as a smile as a smirking at you, a look that is like a mean smile. It's hard to explain. But even if they are mentally laughing at you, it's not anything to do with you as much as the person is a mean-spirited jerk and is a waste of time to even care about.
Why do NTs smile at people? It makes some sense to smile at somebody you know but I have observed that they smile at strangers as well. There is a girl that always smiles at me, I don't smile back at her. Why therefore does she persist in doing this?
I don't know. I only smile at people I know or if there is something to smile about, I won't just smile at anyone. However, when I feel shy I smile a lot but this is through embarrassment.
Why did our ancestors need to smile?
... the caveman noticing his approaching knew the smile was safe and he shouldn’t be afraid.
I wouldn't be overly surprised to discover this was still one of the main reasons why we smile at each other in the street. It helps to mask any insecurities we may be feeling about our situation and if you smile long enough it can give you a huge sense of well-being.
So yeah, friendly non-threatning gesture. Oh yeah while researching this also found this.
How can you tell if someone is giving a sincere smile?
Yeah I completely agree:
1) smiling masks my insecurity sometimes especially with people of the opposite gender.
2) smiling makes me feel better. Actually I know how to make myself smile by quickly thinking certain pleasant thoughts (like imagining the other person smiling, or doing something that makes them or me happy) when in the middle of something unpleasant. Mostly I try to make myself smile to LOOK better. I notice this from being videotaped at work.
3) the only think I think a smile says about something is that they are going to try to make a situation as good as possible. a smile to me indicates an attitude that someone has. it isn't necessarily about me (when someone is smiling at me or "them" when I am smiling at them). I have difficulty telling if is sincere or not. it just mean to me that they are aware socially -- perhaps for good, perhaps for bad.
I notice a coworker not smiling when he is busy in thought or listening to someone and trying to figure something out. I often wish he'd smile because we are supposed to make people feel comfortable with us at work and there is only one evaluation by clients for the two of us. I know he is focused on doing a good job (making people comfortable is not our main task)...but ...he could smile more.
Actually I smile at people I hate and hate talking too. I really try to make the situation as least painful and that is why I smile -- because I am positive.
4) and about the non-verbal interaction. basically as an NT I think the whole non-verbal stuff is just NTs stimming together. Yeah, it's used to emphasize a point but basically I think we are just telling each other "yeah I stim" and it makes us feel comfortable with each other knowing other people do it too. I mean too much is too much but...I truly think it's just a stim and if you don't do it with other people -- they will feel awkward.
At my workplace it is a job requirement (or at least strongly suggested) for us to "smile and make eye contact" with the customers. I make a game out of it. It is simply amazing how people can be manipulated with a smile and a few polite comments in an ingratiating voice. Neither have to be 'real' or come from the heart to work. People are much more accepting of an otherwise unsatisfactory result if the bad news is delivered with a smile and a few courteous words.
I have learned to do the 'smile and make eye contact' thing because it makes life easier and more pleasant for me at work. As to why this works, I'm as mystified as everyone else.
The detailed instructions above, as to how to recognize a real vs. a false smile are fascinating, but I could never implement them. I simply cannot see a face that well, to identify the movement of the facial muscles. For those who can I would imagine those hints would be very useful.
I am surprised at the many shop clerk that do not smile or make eye contact.  They must do this only at job interviews. Â
I was working at some place where they called people on the phone alot.  They would do this really happy cheery voice but they would be giving people the finger while they were talking.
I've noticed that where I work too. For instance, a client will ring and be very demanding and cranky and it will be "yes Mr Jones, no Mr Jones", but as soon as they get off the phone they'll be saying "idiot!" or "jerk!".
I also agree with a previous poster who said that a genuine smile "lights up the face". A fake smile seems more "plastered on" and doesn't reach the eyes ie. the skin around the eyes doesn't crinkle up.
I knew a lady who smiled most of the time but she used to say some fairly nasty things so I think the smile was insincere. Then again, there are others who do smile genuinely much of the time. I wish I knew what they were on so I could have some...
I smile to cover up shyness.