Aspies For Freedom

I was looking for books on autism and found this review of Gentle Giant, the reviewer gives an excellent insight into the book, she writes-

"I am an autistic woman that loves to read books about others of my own kind -- but "Gentle Giant" was so painful I could barely handle reading it. "Grant" is forcibly held for hours, hit, tied to chairs, drugged, you name it. There is no show of awareness that Grant has any feelings, any desires, any needs, and his efforts to communicate in a manner natural to him are totally dismissed. He is, in short, treated like nothing more than a bothersome object, and it's deeply disturbing to read.
At one point, for example, his mother decides she wants to be cuddled. She shows no awareness that her son might not WANT to cuddle her. So she wraps herself around him like a boa constrictor, holding the terrified, screaming, panicked boy down until he goes limp from sheer exhaustion and falls asleep! She is then blissfully happy that she can cuddle her little rag-doll all she wants, and *she* enjoys it so much, she does it to the poor kid every day for hours. Her older son tries to tell her that it's obviously scary and traumatic for his brother, and she understands that it is, but she doesn't care; all that matters to her is getting what *she* wants.

It is true that we autistics like deep pressure. When I am upset, my partner will lie down on top of me (at MY request) so I can feel safe and the pressure quiets my neurological system. I've also had it done against my will by force, and it was terrifying and deeply upsetting. Having it done by choice, totally under my control, is like making love; being tackled and held down is more like being emotionally raped.

Many autism books like Elijah's Cup show how, with accommodation and true acceptance, we autistics can grow up to be happy, productive adults, using our talents and interests to our advantage. "Gentle Giant" showed, in gruesome detail, how the pro-cure mentality of forcing an autie to act "normal" results in an angry, depressed, dysfunctional and ultimately dead autistic. Yeah, they cured his autism -- he died at age 20 in an institution, supposedly of a seizure, though anybody that has researched such places is aware that their tendency to quickly resort to restraints causes frequent deaths that are then attributed to seizure.

If you read this book, I implore you, as an autistic myself, and in love with another autistic -- read it as a manual of how *not* to treat our kind. We are as deserving of humane, dignified treatment as you are, and we can find great joy in the world when we're allowed and aided in doing things in a way that matches our neurological needs."

http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-revi...57-4822330

That reminds me of my NT husband. Until about three years ago, he would demand to be hugged (he grew up with parents with hearts of stone and didn't get much love). If I didn't want to (which is most of the time), he'd forcibly hug me, and not let me go. I would start freaking out and having a terrible panic attack after about a minute, but he would not let me go until I would start hitting him and screaming. His argument was, that my behaviour was not 'normal', and it was time I'd get over it.

As a result, I'd avoid being close to him as much as I could, so he couldn't grab me. Now we have an understanding (especially since he knows I have Asperger Syndrome) that he will let me go as soon as I need him to. So now hugging is sometimes acceptable, because it isn't the threat it used to be.

But because of his attitude, I hate being around him most of the time. The other day he said, that I should read the Bible more to find out what the 'gifts of the Spirit' are, and try to be the way a good Christian should be (like being patient, and not getting angry), rather than reading all the nonsense on Aspergers. He says that since the bible doesn't talk about Asperger Syndrome, there is no such a thing. And that being Aspie is no excuse for my 'weird behaviour'.

I told him that is like saying to a blind person, "Being blind is no excuse for tripping over things", or to a person born without legs, "Having no legs is no excuse for not running faster". He says that these comparisons lack logic entirely, since Asperger's is all in my head, and is not something I really couldn't help if I tried harder to be normal (I have tried so very hard to be normal all my life, wearing myself out, without success, of course!).

His attitude is that if I prayed harder and believed more, God would 'heal' me. I told him that God made me the way I am on purpose, and that he must have had a reason for that, and that I didn't need healing. And that God loved me just the way I am, while he loves only the make believe image of the person he is trying to make me into (and has been trying for 25 long years). I have no idea why he even married me.

Uschi

Uschi, no offense, but it's partially your fault for saying yes when he proposed.



But I agree, forcibly hugging people because you didn't get love as a kid dosn't make any f*cking sense at all. My dad moved away when I was about 6 or 7, and my mom has no idea what it's like for me to have Autism. Does that mean I'll forcibly hug Emily(my beloved) if we ever get married? F*ck no.

He says that since the bible doesn't talk about Asperger Syndrome, there is no such a thing.

It doesn't mention computers either.


forcibly hugging people because you didn't get love as a kid dosn't make any f*cking sense at all.

That struck me as being odd too :?


I have no idea why he even married me.

Probably because he recognised something in you that suggested you were a soft touch and easily taken advantage of.



That reminds me of my NT husband. Until about three years ago, he would demand to be hugged (he grew up with parents with hearts of stone and didn't get much love). If I didn't want to (which is most of the time), he'd forcibly hug me, and not let me go. I would start freaking out and having a terrible panic attack after about a minute, but he would not let me go until I would start hitting him and screaming. His argument was, that my behaviour was not 'normal', and it was time I'd get over it.

That isn't love, that is abuse from him. Does he like to control your life?

Uschi I deeply sympathise with your position, it must be very stressful for you.
" He says that these comparisons lack logic entirely, since Asperger's is all in my head, and is not something I really couldn't help if I tried harder to be normal"
That is like the same ignorance of people who say that aspergers isnt physical, its all in the head, what they dont realise is that the brain is physical, and aspergers is the wiring of the brain. Their whole argument is nonsensical.
I hope you can feel some support from us Uschi, to be criticized so much at home will really lower your self esteem.

Good luck with that Uschi, thought it can be very hard to get a diagnosis as an adult, almost all the servies for autism go toward young children, (as if they never grow up...)

Here's a way to prove it's a physical difference:

Point out the exact same traits in your family and find family members on your father's side with traits.

And use the enstein argument when he talks about a cure
(we are all familiar with the einstein argument right?)

p.s i once thought about suicide too, but what stopped me was realising i'd be throwing everything away to get rid of temporary suffering

This might backfire, as those things simply weren't around when the bible was drafted, but AS was. Better to identify some characters in the bible who may have had it; Jesus himself is a "probable" if you study the obscure stuff on his early life (mostly in Luke, if I remember correctly) but it may be best to find less controversial examples? There were plenty of unconventional thinkers among the early prophets, so that might be a good place to start.

I know what you mean about interpreting people in the past as being aspies-
"The same goes for others. I myself read Thomas Edison's bibliography a long time ago, and as soon as I read about AS, and that some famous people had it, he came to mind. Again, he is extremely obvious in my opinion, but we can't prove it."
But can we prove they were NT  :wink:

Would your husband learn about autism to lessen his ignorance, or is he the type that "knows it all" so to speak, so he won't learn?

reading a biography is a great way to make a post-humous diagnosis

i recently read some biographical notes on freidreich neitzsche and found that he was very much isolated socially for most of his adult life (which is a major theme in his work - solitude)

quite a few philosophers have been known as "solitary thinkers" and would seem to be on the spectrum somewhere. (Descartes is another classic example)

We do have pages on the Autism Encyclopedia about this, one is Recognised People, that is people who work in the autism community some of whom have autism themselves, and Famous People with ASD, which lists people alive know to be on the spectrum, and posthumous considerations.

You can come and chat in the chat room if you want a conversation sometime.

Exactly Uschi, he can be imperfect but you cant by his logic.
Anyway, in the chatroom its not hugely busy all the time so its fine for chatting.

So if it's not in the bible it doesn't exist, but if it's in the bible it's not proof? Last time I looked some people where diagnosing AS on the basis of parents' memories! If that's a "proof", then a well researched historical book seems a certainty.

Try asking him to "prove" anything written in the bible...no, forget it; he's a hopeless case isn't he!

If they can get through to him it would be great.