Well, Kamikaze Badger, you say it's partially my own fault. True in a way, but I only figured out this year (and I am 51) that I have Asperger Syndrome. Since I wouldn't allow anybody to touch me from the age of six and have three Aspie brothers and an Aspie sister, beside three normal brothers, plus had an Aspie father, none of which liked touch, either, I didn't realize it wasn't 'normal'. My mother only complained of it 23 years ago (two years after I got married), accusing me of purposely rejecting her, and telling me that it was hard to love me because of it. But it didn't click then, either.
My husband had strange ideas then about not touching and kissing before marriage, and therefore I had no idea I hated it before getting married.
Plus, I was so desperate to get away from my exremely abusive mother, that I never thought that it was possible to then escape to an equally abusive (both cases mental abuse) husband on a different continent. I have always been way too gullible, always only seeing the best in people
I thought that depression caused me to be different. When I was finally cured of that (for the most part) four years ago, I realized I was still different.
Brightman, I like your argument with the computers not being in the bible either. I will use that one. There aren't telephones, electricity and a lot of other things there, either (cars, planes, trains..................).
Uschi
Thanks, Amy. Yes, I've noticed that pretty much nothing is done for autistic adults. The Asperger Society of Ontario offers no services whatsoever for people over 33. They must think that autistic people either outgrow their autism by that age, or that they won't survive any longer than that. And with the treatment somebody like me receives from so many people, it's a surprise that there are indeed some of us left who grow older than 33 :wink: .
Seriously, from the age of eight until just four years ago I thought daily about ways of killing myself. The thing that stopped me was mostly, that I wasn't sure if I'd go to heaven if I did that.
Uschi
Gwynfryn, you are right, I have thought of that in the meantime as well. But I don't think I'd get far with the argument of people in the bible with Aspergers, simply because there is no way to prove it. If I can't prove it, in Ken's view, it simply doesn't exist. And unfortunately, we can't prove that Einstein had Aspergers (more likely High Functioning Autism, since he didn't speak until the age of four, and himself said that he was pretty much *** until the age of 20, even though Tony Atwood doesn't believe in a real difference between HFA and AS) since he is dead. Even if the evidence speaks for it, it's still not possible to prove it.
The same goes for others. I myself read Thomas Edison's bibliography a long time ago, and as soon as I read about AS, and that some famous people had it, he came to mind. Again, he is extremely obvious in my opinion, but we can't prove it.
Anyway, in reality Ken's problem is that he doesn't like living with somebody 'defective', because he finds it embarrassing. Plus, he wants someone who likes touch and is sociable etc., and unless I get 'healed' of my (in his opinion) unacceptable ways, he won't get what he wants. In the end it is all about selfishness and not accepting people that are different from him. And all the evidence I can find to show him that I am not the only one 'of my kind' is not going to change him.
If he would see all the different 'treatment' methods for autism, no matter how barbaric (since he hasn't had the slightest interest in autism, he hasn't done any reading on these things and is totally ignorant on the subject), he'd be all for them. Because he sees us as diseased, he thinks we should be cured. Not necessarily for our own good, but for the good of everybody else we bother by being different.
I have also pointed out the obvious, that three of my six brothers and my sister are obviously Aspies as well, and that my father was, too. Which means that it must be genetic. But this logic is totally wasted on him. In his opinion we are just a diseased family, and maybe our lifestyle caused it, or abuse. I have tried to explain to him that the three 'normal' kids in our family were treated an awful lot better by our mother, and that the abuse was a result of being different, not the other way round. It's useless, I've given up, he doesn't get it, because he doesn't want to. He has made up his mind that I am ill and need to be cured through counseling, prayer (maybe exorcism if nothing else works, which I would never agree to, of course) or whatever. He is not about to accept that this is the way I will always be, and love me for who I am.
Which of course makes me at times despair of life, and fear the future. I try not to think too much about it, and just live one day at a time (sometimes I can't handle more than one minute at a time).
Uschi
Well, Amy, he actually read 'Pretending to be normal'. Unfortunately for me, Liane Willey isn't nearly as autistic as me. So, that just resulted in him thinking that I should be able to do the things she can do. Which is not possible for me.
He also read 'The other half of Asperger Syndrome' by Maxine (oops, the last name has slipped my mind, and I lent the book to somebody, so can't check). He just picks out the things he likes, and claims the rest is nonsense (like the one about me appearing selfish not being my fault, and he just has to live with it). It also resulted in him saying things like:"It says in the book that when Aspies insist on being right, it's best to end the conversation, so, that's what I am doing now." When we had been talking about a subject he knows nothing about, and he was clearly wrong. He just picks the things he likes and uses them against me.
I try not to talk to him about AS at all now, because it always backfires. Meaning of course, that I pretty much talk to him about things that aren't of great importance (oh gosh, I despise small talk! :? ).
Uschi
Sounds like a good idea, but overload sets in when there are too many people. I can't follow more than one conversation at a time. But I might try it next week. Today we have guests (our second daughter with her husband) over night, and I can't do those things on the weekend. Because Ken will stand behind me and read what I say!
He is somebody who doesn't appear to need any privacy, so he believes I am weird for having an intense need for it. And is trying to 'cure' me of that by not leaving me alone. Which sometimes results in the end in me slamming my arm into a corner of the wall (cracked a bone a month ago doing that) or hitting the wall with my fist (pretty bruises), or slamming my elbow though the wall (one week before our son's wedding, fortunately a good friend helped me fix it).
He says it's my own fault when I am hurt, because I need to learn to control my temper by using willpower.
Maybe he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut and to stop bugging me by using HIS willpower!
Uschi
Yes, Gwynfryn, he is a hopeless case. But I am really hoping that, after I am diagnosed with AS (probably by the end of November), that somebody from the Tourette Clinic will be willing to talk to Ken, and explain to him what AS means, and that I need his support, not his attacks and ignorance.
Uschi