12-16-2005, 06:50 AM
I appreciate the help. I've deleted this post for personal reasons. 
Thanks, everyone.
Thanks, everyone.12-16-2005, 07:20 AM
It's not exactly clear from your post what kind of relationship you have with your mother, or how your mother likes to receive information from you. Without knowing more, it's hard to advise. For example, is she the kind of person a calm but direct conversation would work with? Or is she the kind of person where, if you leave the most similar-to-you-Asperger's book or info lying around, she'd look at it and connect-the-dots? Or, would she be more receptive if someone that you and she both trust conveyed your request to her?
12-16-2005, 07:27 AM
I would say that I have a fairly good relationship with my mother. She would probably prefer a calm and direct conversation, as she has told me that I can tell her anything... Our calm conversations often lead to her saying something that offends me, and then the two of us getting into a fight, though. The Asperger's book idea sounds good, that may actually be useful. She might not get the message, but I assume that she is pretty intelligent. Unfortunately, I do not know anyone here that we both trust aside from my dad, but I don't think I could approach him with this.
12-16-2005, 07:42 AM
Okay, since you've asked for advice, I'll give you mine, for what it's worth.
First, write a letter to your Mom (you may or may not want to give it to her, but by way of preparation, I'd suggest you do this as step #1). In the letter, explain to her what Asperger's Syndrome is thought to be and why it is that you believe AS applies to you. (You may want to attach some info or web sites for her to look at so she can be better informed.) Then, say how it would be helpful to you, and quite possibly to her, if you were to receive a formal evaluation by someone appropriately trained.
After you've written this letter, step #2 is to have what I call a "meta" conversation with your mother. By this I mean, you have a conversation about the fact that you want to have a conversation that might be difficult for both of you, so you would appreciate it if she could hear you out. Of course, if you go this route, she is likely to be pretty interested in what's coming next. Step #3. If, at this point, you think that the letter would do a better job of conveying what you want to say, then ask her to read it. Or, if you feel comfortable with the idea that she'd hear you out, you can tell her more or less what you wrote in the letter. Step #4. Ask her to think about what you've said (she may need time to process it all) but plan a time when you'll discuss it further, because this is really important to you.
Hope this helps. Others on the forum will probably have advice also. I just happen to be the person who is still up right now, so you get my two cents.
First, write a letter to your Mom (you may or may not want to give it to her, but by way of preparation, I'd suggest you do this as step #1). In the letter, explain to her what Asperger's Syndrome is thought to be and why it is that you believe AS applies to you. (You may want to attach some info or web sites for her to look at so she can be better informed.) Then, say how it would be helpful to you, and quite possibly to her, if you were to receive a formal evaluation by someone appropriately trained.
After you've written this letter, step #2 is to have what I call a "meta" conversation with your mother. By this I mean, you have a conversation about the fact that you want to have a conversation that might be difficult for both of you, so you would appreciate it if she could hear you out. Of course, if you go this route, she is likely to be pretty interested in what's coming next. Step #3. If, at this point, you think that the letter would do a better job of conveying what you want to say, then ask her to read it. Or, if you feel comfortable with the idea that she'd hear you out, you can tell her more or less what you wrote in the letter. Step #4. Ask her to think about what you've said (she may need time to process it all) but plan a time when you'll discuss it further, because this is really important to you.
Hope this helps. Others on the forum will probably have advice also. I just happen to be the person who is still up right now, so you get my two cents.
12-16-2005, 07:29 PM
Monochromatic Stains Wrote:
I wish to see someone for anxiety and suspected Asperger's syndrome, I do not know how to tell my mother. She has a tendency towards disbelieving what I have to say when I bring up physical symptoms, and I am afraid that she might be the same with mental issues. In her defence, her skepticism to my physical problems probably stems from my tendency to assume the worst -- In my defence, I blame the aforementioned anxiety that I want help for.
I do not want to be a self-diagnosing idiot, but the anxiety seems pretty straightforward. I freak out over the concept of twitching torsos in the bathtub (how that idea even pops into my head, I do not know), have panic attacks from reading about panic attacks, and am utterly terrified of using the telephone to the point of temporarily relinquishing contact with my only friend in this city until he has Internet access again. And as for the Asperger's... I'm sure if I showed her the diagnostic criteria, she'd eventually have to accept it. She has often criticized me for my "obsessive interests to the exclusion of everything else", and from what I have read, I even have the "Asperger's Walk". (I have been told that I walk like I'm trying to "stop a carrot from falling out of my butt." Le sigh.) I'm very serious about this, and I have suspected it for at least two years, and in the past month and a half, I have been doing intensive research on it. I would not label myself with something of that nature unless I was sure of it, and I am at least 85% sure of it... Not sure enough to go without a formal diagnosis.
I know that I am 18 and thus I can make my own decisions/doctor's appointments, but I am extremely emotionally/socially immature, and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it on my own. That, and I would have no idea where to start. I must seem rather pathetic, but I cannot "unpatheticize" myself until I get help, now can I?
So telling my mother I must... This should be interesting. I dislike the implications that I am crazy when I tell her of my physical symptoms, so this should be delighfully interesting indeed.
Any advice?
Edit: I'm also 95% certain that my only friend in this city must have Asperger's, and his symptoms are quite obvious. I am afraid that my mother might think that I am somehow copying him, as silly as that must sound. I don't know why... I'm a very anxious individual. I am more certain about him than I am about myself, even though we've never really discussed it. Perhaps if we are both "aspies", it could account for our friendship and understanding? I've never actually known someone so understanding of the weird things that I do, and he can actually understand what I am saying when I talk. (Not that there is anything wrong with the way I talk aside from the fact that it is slow, nasal, and partially in monotone, and sort of with a slight lisp, but I am aware of the fact that I have odd speech patterns. I do not think they are so obvious in my writing, though.)
I do not want to be a self-diagnosing idiot, but the anxiety seems pretty straightforward. I freak out over the concept of twitching torsos in the bathtub (how that idea even pops into my head, I do not know), have panic attacks from reading about panic attacks, and am utterly terrified of using the telephone to the point of temporarily relinquishing contact with my only friend in this city until he has Internet access again. And as for the Asperger's... I'm sure if I showed her the diagnostic criteria, she'd eventually have to accept it. She has often criticized me for my "obsessive interests to the exclusion of everything else", and from what I have read, I even have the "Asperger's Walk". (I have been told that I walk like I'm trying to "stop a carrot from falling out of my butt." Le sigh.) I'm very serious about this, and I have suspected it for at least two years, and in the past month and a half, I have been doing intensive research on it. I would not label myself with something of that nature unless I was sure of it, and I am at least 85% sure of it... Not sure enough to go without a formal diagnosis.
I know that I am 18 and thus I can make my own decisions/doctor's appointments, but I am extremely emotionally/socially immature, and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it on my own. That, and I would have no idea where to start. I must seem rather pathetic, but I cannot "unpatheticize" myself until I get help, now can I?
So telling my mother I must... This should be interesting. I dislike the implications that I am crazy when I tell her of my physical symptoms, so this should be delighfully interesting indeed.
Any advice?
Edit: I'm also 95% certain that my only friend in this city must have Asperger's, and his symptoms are quite obvious. I am afraid that my mother might think that I am somehow copying him, as silly as that must sound. I don't know why... I'm a very anxious individual. I am more certain about him than I am about myself, even though we've never really discussed it. Perhaps if we are both "aspies", it could account for our friendship and understanding? I've never actually known someone so understanding of the weird things that I do, and he can actually understand what I am saying when I talk. (Not that there is anything wrong with the way I talk aside from the fact that it is slow, nasal, and partially in monotone, and sort of with a slight lisp, but I am aware of the fact that I have odd speech patterns. I do not think they are so obvious in my writing, though.)
Um those that are self-diagnosed first of all aren't idiots, there are many reasons why some don't have an official diagnosis and the reasons are very valid. Secondly "Asperger's Walk", I'd sure like to see a reference on this as well, Asperger's is neurological and it's diagnosed with the triad of social deficits/communication deficits and repetitive stereotyped behaviors. Not on the way one walks period. I've yet to find a reference on a particular gait maintained by Aspies yet.
12-16-2005, 07:37 PM
Arch Neurol. 1993 Dec;50(12):1304-8.
Locomotion of autistic adults.
Hallett M, Lebiedowska MK, Thomas SL, Stanhope SJ, Denckla MB, Rumsey J.
Human Motor Control Section, National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Md.
OBJECTIVE: To assess gait in patients with autism. DESIGN: Clinical and physiologic assessment. SETTING: Research hospital. PATIENTS AND SUBJECTS: Five adults with autism and five healthy, age-matched control subjects. MAIN OUTCOME MEASURE(S): Clinical and biomechanical assessment. RESULTS: Clinical assessment showed mild clumsiness in four patients and upper limb posturing during gait in three patients. The velocity of gait, step length, cadence, step width, stance time, and vertical ground reaction forces were normal in all patients. The only significant abnormality was decreased range of motion of the ankle. Some patients exhibited slightly decreased knee flexion in early stance. Clinically, the gait appeared to be irregular in three patients, but the variability was not significantly increased. CONCLUSIONS: The findings in patients with autism indicate a nonspecific, neurological disturbance involving the motor system. The normal velocity of gait and the normal step length argue against a parkinsonian-type disturbance, whereas the clinical picture suggests a disturbance of the cerebellum.
PMID: 8257307
Locomotion of autistic adults.
Hallett M, Lebiedowska MK, Thomas SL, Stanhope SJ, Denckla MB, Rumsey J.
Human Motor Control Section, National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Md.
OBJECTIVE: To assess gait in patients with autism. DESIGN: Clinical and physiologic assessment. SETTING: Research hospital. PATIENTS AND SUBJECTS: Five adults with autism and five healthy, age-matched control subjects. MAIN OUTCOME MEASURE(S): Clinical and biomechanical assessment. RESULTS: Clinical assessment showed mild clumsiness in four patients and upper limb posturing during gait in three patients. The velocity of gait, step length, cadence, step width, stance time, and vertical ground reaction forces were normal in all patients. The only significant abnormality was decreased range of motion of the ankle. Some patients exhibited slightly decreased knee flexion in early stance. Clinically, the gait appeared to be irregular in three patients, but the variability was not significantly increased. CONCLUSIONS: The findings in patients with autism indicate a nonspecific, neurological disturbance involving the motor system. The normal velocity of gait and the normal step length argue against a parkinsonian-type disturbance, whereas the clinical picture suggests a disturbance of the cerebellum.
PMID: 8257307
12-16-2005, 08:10 PM
Isnt anything to do with walking coming from dyspraxia as a comorbid?
12-16-2005, 09:22 PM
I'd never heard of an "Asperger's Walk" before, which is why I asked MEDLINE what it knew about Asperger's AND gait. MEDLINE didn't have much to say beyond different ways of talking about the slight clumsiness which most of us know.
I did know that neuroleptic drugs - antipsychotics such as chlorpromazine - could produce a characteristic "walk," and as a fair percentage of people with ASDs are prescribed drugs of this class for one reason or another, a confusion could, I suppose, have arisen in the minds of some.
Stella
I did know that neuroleptic drugs - antipsychotics such as chlorpromazine - could produce a characteristic "walk," and as a fair percentage of people with ASDs are prescribed drugs of this class for one reason or another, a confusion could, I suppose, have arisen in the minds of some.
Stella
12-16-2005, 10:01 PM
[qualifier]No insult to monochrome intended in what follows. I'm sympathetic, honest! I'm just comiserating with my once younger self.[/qualifier]
I kind of laughed in chagrin last night when I read the "Asperger Walk" phrase. Reminded me of one of my growing-up-bugaboos. My parents made all of us kids join a marching band, and I simply could not keep in step or stay even with the other kids in my row. One day, my Dad got a long stick and made my older brother and sister hold the ends with me in the middle -- and we had to walk up and down our street, practicing. Was this embarassing or what? When the band went to competitions, the powers would forbid me to march. Also, I bounced when I walked, and couldn't get the rythm of which arm goes forward with which leg until someone explained it to me.
It seems sort of funny now in retrospect, but was painful at the time.
While there's no such thing as an Aspie walk, what I've described falls into the "motion coordination difficulties" that some people with Asperger's have, along with lousy handwriting, being bad at team sports that require hand-eye coordination etc. This was one of the characteristics that led me to think that I'm probably an Aspie--and just never knew it growing up--because the concept of high functioning autism didn't exist as common knowledge in the 50s-60s.
Based on my reading about the "triad of impairments", being uncoordinated is not on the A list. It's on the "sometimes associated with..." list. But as I've said in a different post, I find all of the labels and the distinctions between them to be sort of confusing.
Monochrome....if you and your Mom go the diagnosis route, I hope you can find somebody who knows what he or she is doing. If you read Iron Man's posts, for example, you'll see that getting a wrong diagnosis can be harmful. Speaking for myself personally, with no intent for this to be taken as how you or anyone else should think, I'm glad that I was not diagnosed when I was a kid, and I'm not seeking a formal diagnosis now. I'm not sure where you got the idea that people look down on those who have not received formal diagnoses--that's not been my experience on this discussion board.
I kind of laughed in chagrin last night when I read the "Asperger Walk" phrase. Reminded me of one of my growing-up-bugaboos. My parents made all of us kids join a marching band, and I simply could not keep in step or stay even with the other kids in my row. One day, my Dad got a long stick and made my older brother and sister hold the ends with me in the middle -- and we had to walk up and down our street, practicing. Was this embarassing or what? When the band went to competitions, the powers would forbid me to march. Also, I bounced when I walked, and couldn't get the rythm of which arm goes forward with which leg until someone explained it to me.
It seems sort of funny now in retrospect, but was painful at the time.
While there's no such thing as an Aspie walk, what I've described falls into the "motion coordination difficulties" that some people with Asperger's have, along with lousy handwriting, being bad at team sports that require hand-eye coordination etc. This was one of the characteristics that led me to think that I'm probably an Aspie--and just never knew it growing up--because the concept of high functioning autism didn't exist as common knowledge in the 50s-60s.
Based on my reading about the "triad of impairments", being uncoordinated is not on the A list. It's on the "sometimes associated with..." list. But as I've said in a different post, I find all of the labels and the distinctions between them to be sort of confusing.
Monochrome....if you and your Mom go the diagnosis route, I hope you can find somebody who knows what he or she is doing. If you read Iron Man's posts, for example, you'll see that getting a wrong diagnosis can be harmful. Speaking for myself personally, with no intent for this to be taken as how you or anyone else should think, I'm glad that I was not diagnosed when I was a kid, and I'm not seeking a formal diagnosis now. I'm not sure where you got the idea that people look down on those who have not received formal diagnoses--that's not been my experience on this discussion board.
12-17-2005, 02:38 PM
If possible, contact your local autistic society. I found ours extremely helpful. they can refer you to a therapist in autism. I know you are young and you said you need help, but it might be worthwhile seeing an aut therapist for two sessions or so (they are very kind and empathetic people). See what she says and then ask if you could introduce your mother for another few sessions to explain things to her. You can continue down the diagnostic alley from the therapists recommendations.
You can talk to your mother and tell her that because you felt uncertain about the self diagnostic thing, you decided to check with a therapist and then invite her along to a session.
Good luck..
You can talk to your mother and tell her that because you felt uncertain about the self diagnostic thing, you decided to check with a therapist and then invite her along to a session.
Good luck..
12-17-2005, 02:41 PM
Also... don't mess with anxiety. If you feel anxiety it is controlling your life, talk to a therapist. Even just one session - just go you won't regret. It can quickly go out of control (I have a serious anxiety problem and I'm on meds for that and I am MUCH better now).
12-18-2005, 05:49 PM
I play in a marching band. It took me years to get to marching in step. Now I watch the bass drummer if I can as I am always in the back of the band. I try to match his steps. I am usually concentrating on my body so much that I often have to stop playing or lose my place in the music.
People used to always tell me that my marching was just "weird". I asked some patience people to show me how to stop and start in slow motion. I drilled alot. This is because I am very motivated. Marching bands seemed to be an extreme interest of mine for a few years.
I would like to see a video or Asperger's walk. I have never heard of that before.
I went to therapy when I was 20 yrs old. I did not discuss this with my parents. You might have some problems with a clinic calling at home to make appointments. You will just have to tell them that you require confidentiality and not to call you at home ever unless it is an emergency. Health professionals can and do respect that some people's diagnosis might have an very negative impact on their life.
People used to always tell me that my marching was just "weird". I asked some patience people to show me how to stop and start in slow motion. I drilled alot. This is because I am very motivated. Marching bands seemed to be an extreme interest of mine for a few years.
I would like to see a video or Asperger's walk. I have never heard of that before.
I went to therapy when I was 20 yrs old. I did not discuss this with my parents. You might have some problems with a clinic calling at home to make appointments. You will just have to tell them that you require confidentiality and not to call you at home ever unless it is an emergency. Health professionals can and do respect that some people's diagnosis might have an very negative impact on their life.
12-18-2005, 09:41 PM
My lad walks quite 'loosely', almost like a swagger, quite bouncy, he's also pretty clumsy at times (but very graceful and sure-footed at others) He always makes me smile when he's bouncing or flapping, he seems so free in his own skin.
Not like he's carrying a carrot up his butt at all, LMAO but that depiction sure made me giggle!
Best of luck Monochromatic. I wonder if your Asperger friend can help you or knows someone who could instead of your mother?
Not like he's carrying a carrot up his butt at all, LMAO but that depiction sure made me giggle!
Best of luck Monochromatic. I wonder if your Asperger friend can help you or knows someone who could instead of your mother?
12-20-2005, 01:23 AM
energeia Wrote:
[qualifier]I kind of laughed in chagrin last night when I read the "Asperger Walk" phrase. Reminded me of one of my growing-up-bugaboos.
I used to walk like a spider on Speed! :lol: very uncoordinated and sort of twitchy.
Over the years I've modified it with a lot of hard work and practise: I've now got a sort of "glide" thing going, which is useful for crossing the playground fast when one student is trying to kill another one!
Alison
12-26-2005, 12:26 PM
A book by Lorna Wing had a reference to gait disturbances in some autistic people. I notice that a friend with autism walks a bit differently to most but it certainly doesn't look clumsy.
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