Aspies For Freedom

MSN convo I just had with an NT friend of mine from Team Fortress Classic. SLC = Santas 'Lil Concers, btw. It's a concing group.

It ended right there...

He's a guy btw, but I still love him as a friend, and more...


EDIT: Just sent me a hearbreaking message:

Did anything happen before this to cause this reaction?
Is he having problems or something?
Thats really sad  

He use to joke around about that stuff before, and I would sometimes take him seriously. But I don't know of anything that would cause that...



I guess that stuff happens, and that it's time for both of us to move on.

Sorry about that! It's always sad to lose a friend. I've lost many, and it's hard to ever get over it, especially if you don't know why they don't like you any more.

Good thing you have friends here.

Uschi

he may of been tricking you all along or his username could of been hacked

Greetings,

One thing I've noticed about NTs is that they tend to take their problems out on other people.  Give it a while and see if he changed his attitude.  If not then just try and take some comfort in the fact that you are better than that because you wouldnt do the same.

A few so called "friends' did that to me, it really hurt and I would continue to try to contact them.  After awhile I would just give up and move on.
Only one person had the guts to tell me to my face, that, "we had nothing in common', it hurt, but, it hurt less than not knowing what happened!!!

Peace

Hope things have got a bit better Kamikazebadger, but it seems that it's your friend with the problem and not you. Some people have turned against me for no apparent reason and I always used to blame myself but maybe it's something with them that makes them go that way.

NTs have no concept of emotional responsibility. The fact that anyone would think it's acceptable to take out their garbage on someone else is appalling, but that's what happens to most kids. No one bothers to be and adult and refuse to dump on their kids and the kids get stuck with the psychic backwash. And then they repeat the behavior ad nauseum everywhere else.

I tell you, why should we be so ashamed of not being NTs when NT society is positively dysfunctional and deranged? It seems that I get picked on, not for not being a nice enough person, but for not being an asshole in socially acceptable ways.

I don't dump my crap on other people. I will talk about my problems (which, paradoxically, NTs will call "dumping on them") but I don't take my problems out on other people. And if I want to stop being friends with someone, they will know exactly why. That suicidal Maoist (Oy! Wotta leach!) knows exactly why I don't want to talk to him anymore. I've told him at length why I don't want to talk to him. Of course, he still tries to talk to me, such is the nature of a leach. Mostly because he's emotionally manipulative, trying to make me feel guilty that he wants to off himself, and so self-absorbed, he can't see that offing himself would totally traumatize his daughter.

I'm a freak magnet, I tell ya!  :roll:

Sometimes keeping friends at an emotional distance is a good idea.  I am trying to learn this after so many years.  

If you tell all your deepest darkest secrets to someone, you may learn that they can not be trusted.  Often once we start trusting someone then they will tell us all their secrets.  My problem is that I really do not know what is secret and what is not.  Often the friend ends up feeling betrayed and they are no longer a friend.

So I try to keep relationships light now just based on common interests.  We can go places together and do things like BBQ's but I try not to talk about any of my problems.  They do not talk about theirs.  I guess it could be called "Friends Lite".  Sounds like a low calorie beer.

I have had some many friends just violently and cruelly "break off" with me because I had not "been there for them".  People just expect me to be the "perfect friend" when they treat me totally horribly sometimes.  This is seems to happen more with women.  This does not happen with "friends lite".  

It is kind of boring but I usually try to find something like cooking, tidying up or playing with the kids.  If I do have to talk to people I ask them about their job or hobbies or children.  It is amazing how people will think you are so nice just because you listen to them tell you all sorts of boring things that you are not interested in.  Once in a while, you might meet someone who has interesting stories to tell or is interested in the same subjects you are.  With "friends lite" you could call them once a month or once a year and they will not be angry (that you never call).  

I get my best hints at conversation tips in old fashioned etiquitte books.  I will post up some links later if I find any.  I am sure some of these books must have been written for people to navigate all the complicated rules that high society had.  It seems the idea of "friends lite" is nothing new.

I'm good at deep friendships; it's the Friends Lite thing that I suck at. Which is why I've felt so lonely because all my deep friendships are with people who are out of state or hellaciously busy so they don't have time to do stuff with me.

And then the result is that I don't get out much because of the lack of friends and acquaintances to do stuff with. Either people love me or hate me, but they are rarely indifferent to me, and to base a friendship merely on a common interest requires a certain level of indifference which I've never managed to inspire.  :roll:

I've had friendships break up because I mistakenly thought someone was worthy of deep friendship and they weren't. I think other people have failed me more often than I've failed them. I've also never betrayed a confidence, mostly because I'm so self-centered, I tend to forget other people's secrets.  :smile:  Actually, that was a joke, but that's not far from the truth. I've learned discretion. The only secrets I blab are my own.

Sometimes you even have to be rather careful of telling your own secrets, especially in the earlier stages of a frienship. I've made that mistake and it's sometimes scared the other person or they've repeated it to other people and it's caused trouble.

I think we get so thrilled sometimes about finding a friend that we don't take enough care about what we say.

I've recently lost someone I thought was a good friend. All because I said something about a friend of his, but what I said was misinterpreted. I just didn't bother trying to explain myself because it seemed so stupid. I thought people would get over it, but I've lost one good friend and a few aquaintences over it. The funny thing is, this friend always treasured my honesty, until I said I didn't like someone he likes.

I've always been very careful with who I use the word "friend" about, using it only for "deep friends." But, I fail them, or I say something or do something I shouldn't, and they leave. It hurts a lot. But, I never learn from my mistakes, and will trust my heart to a new friend, only to go through the same thing.

I used to joke (when I thought I was just an a-hole, and didn't know I was an Aspie) that "if you think you like me, you just don't know me well enough." Because everyone ends up leaving me, but I rarely know what I did "wrong."

I'm more and more thankful everyday that I have at least one person who's always there for me. My fiance. A fellow with ADD.

I have had the same experience, often. One friend I had just gradually stopped talking to me (it took a while before I even noticed that she was ignoring me!) Later a friend asked her why she didn't talk to me. The reply was that I was weird - typical neurotypical response.

I have other friends who have started ignoring me, but in a more subtle way. Instead of just not talking to me at all, they still acknowledge me but don't really include me. This took me a LONG time to realise. (it took months after they started doing this)

Someone hijacked his account? I've had that done to me once or twice, boy was that embarassing!  :oops: