Aspies For Freedom

Thanks, M.  I've sometimes wondered about schizophrenia.  My grandmother was diagnosed, and committed.  She was later released, able to function with medication.  Looking back now, I remember that she was very good with numbers and a very tallented accountant.  And I don't remember any mention of her hearing voices or seeing things that weren't there.  But I do remember stories of fits of rage.

Always knowing something isn't quite right with me, I've sometimes wondered about myself and schizophrenia.  But I seem to fall short on the symptoms I've read about.  Your starting to make me wonder if she could have been misdiagnosed.  It would make perfect sense, and would compleat the chain from her to my father to me to my son.  Sounds reasonable.

Congratulations, Anandamide!

Has anyone ever been tempted to walk around or drive their car using only their peripheral vision?  I had this problem so badly that when I would drive my car, I would just stare at the hood.  After multiple wrecks, I decided to change my strategy.  LOL

It seems that since my vision is competing with other thoughts, and the periphery doesn't carry that much mental weight, it sat on the sidelines more than I realized and....WHAM!!  I don't do that anymore.  Oddly enough, the police academy cured me of that.  They teach you to drive very fast, while maintaining safe control.  Something in that driving program clicked with me and I was able to start focusing on my surroundings better.  I credit the academy for alot of my NT abilities today.

Thanks for the advise, Noetic.  I don't have any problem distinquishing between the tangible and the intangible.  Its just that my "imaginiation" is sometimes so vivid, it seems real.  And the sheer volume of information I'm receiving from these intangible thoughts can overwhelm and take over my vision.  

This used to be a real problem when I was younger.  But now, I've learned to keep it in check.  I constantly flood those image hungry portions of my brain with problems... complex projects at work, how I'm going to fix the car, any constructive spatial challenge I can come up with.  And it is very important to me that any spatial challenge I tackle has a direct connection to the tangible world.  That way, all my thought processes directly or indirectly are engaged with the real world.  Its only when I have no challenges that I become board and start to loose control.  I work hard to keep myself busy, and that keeps things in check.

As for driving, I learned a really neat technique in the academy.  When driving at a high rate of speed, you cannot rely on your blue lights and siren to clear the way.  You must assume every driver you encounter cannot see or hear you.  You must be ready to take evasive action at any moment.  So, one habit they instilled in us was to scan the sides of the road, looking very far ahead.  We were taught to check every side street, driveway, parking lot, shady spot; anywher a car or pedestrian may pop out.  Well, while the NT officers used this for emergency driving, I began using it all the time.  I had to.  Now, I'm able to actually keep my mind engaged on where I'm going.  

When all else fails, I fall back on a question a physics teacher once asked.  What is the definition of time.  The trick to this question is that you cannot use any word in the definition that refers to time.  Duration and period, for example, are not allowed.  Allegedly, it cannot be defined (or hasn't yet, anyway).  Quantum physics will keep any Aspie very busy for a very long time.  LOL

Thanks, Amy.  I do have ups and downs.  It's primarily due to having something interesting and challenging to work on, versus not having anything.  

For example, when at work I'm given some ridiculously difficult challenge, I come alive and am running at full speed.  Things just click in my head and I know exactly what to do.  The momentum is intoxicating.

But if something comes from upper management that requires execution with little thought, I have a very hard time completing these tasks.  I can't stay on task, and find it very difficult to finish.  I also become depressed in my job.  

I find it critical to keep myself challenged in order to maintain my sanity.  So, when the lows such as the one above occur, I immediately begin looking for other challenges and end up working on problems of personal interest.  That's when I end up trying to solve tough issues like defining time, second guessing political leaders in world strategy, or even sketching a blue print of my backyard and where I might like to plant a new tree.  Anything to remain engaged in the real world.  I'm scared that the day I run out of challenges, I might become so withdrawn I might loose touch with reality once and for all.   :cry:

Noetic, when you say you couldn't keep up, was it that you couldn't process what you were seeing?  Like if someone pulled out in front of you, you might not recognize this in time?

Stella, are you describing situations where you are taking actions you are not aware of?  

When I was in my early 20's, I had friends that absolutely would not get in the car with me.  I continued to drive because, in my community, you can't survive without a car.  Like I said, I didn't stop having wrecks until I finally taught my brain really how to drive.  That driving academy really got me focused on what I was doing.  My last wreck was in 1990.  I've had 8 wrecks, 3 of which involved another moving vehicle.  None of them were at high speed.  The rest were mostly minor, involved posts or shrubs or parked vehicles, and fortunately no injuries.  My insurance company wasn't too happy with me, to say the least.  I know most of this sounds like a typical, irresponsible teen.  And that's how it was perceived.  I just wasn't paying attention.  I wasn't keeping my mind on the road.  I now have a perfect driving record, 15 years accident free.  

I don't know how much any of you can relate to this.  I'm sorry for rambling on about myself, but I'm really trying to compare and contrast with you in order to determine if I fit in with you.  Right now, I'm about 85% certain I'm in the right place.  I think more dialog with cement my suspision.  Noetic, thanks for validating me in your last post.  It really helps when I hear someone chime in and relate to something I've said.  I have to admit, you guys are the first to ever relate with me on most of these things.  At least now I know I'm not alone.  Too bad there is an ocean separating most of us, but oh well.

Thanks again everyone.

One of the last accidents I had, I rear ended a guy who stopped in front of me.  I never saw him.  One minute I'm driving, the next I'm watching my hood (bonnet?) crumple.  I have no recollection of him being in front of me.  It was by complete surprise.  And yet, I was following him for some distance.  Pretty scary.

I was so out of it I just didn't notice anything.  Is this kind of what you are talking about, Noetic?  This was back when I would drive by staring at my hood (bonnet?) and use my peripheral vision to drive.

OK, Noetic.  You've moved my self diagnosis probability score to 95%.  Sometimes I have to think for awhile to remember events that are similar to what you all (ya'll) describe.

Ah, I see.  Well, I definately cannot draw a straight line.  As for the other things, lets just say I was usually the last to be picked for any sort of team in school.  I played some team sports, but was accused of being an evil spy for the other team.   :wink:

Well, had my son's hearing tested today.  According to the audiologist, he hears well enough that it should not affect his ability to speak.  So, next step is the speech pathologist.

As an old programmer, I think of them as subroutines I've added, to be called whenever the main program encounters a situation that isn't in the preexisting database.  I've got the "say hello to the guests at the hotel" subroutine, the "give the boss the info he needs, not all the info you have" subroutine, the "walking past strangers on the street without obviously shying away" subroutine...  By carefully calling the new subroutines at the correct moments, I can easily simulate being a "normal" person, at least well enough to pass with casual acquaintances.  The tricky part is learning all the correct moments...