Okay, so I'm single again, have been for some time. I've kind of discussed my Aspieness with a couple of exes, but without a formal diagnosis, it's hard for me to address the issue authoritatively.
I really think I ought to deal with this in future relationships, because I think it really affected my most recent serious long term relationship because he couldn't understand me (although it was partly cultural and language differences because I'm English and he wasn't).
If/when I meet someone new, at what point should I tell them I'm Aspie? What have your experiences been of telling people? Do they just lose interest and not want to see you again? Do they try to understand you better and compromise?
And something that's recently occurred to me, would I be better off trying to meet another Aspie? I mean, is being Aspie a bit like being gay, in a way, gay people go out with other gays, so Aspies should go out with other Aspies? Or is it more like bisexuality or heteroflexuality? Maybe I can swing both ways? Lol! I just don't know though...
I'd quite like to be in a relationship again, I'm way over my ex, but I'm dreading having to deal with this, because it will be the first time that I want to address it head on, because I reckon a relationship's got a better chance of working that way? What do you reckon? Would you tell? Or do you think it's relevant or irrelevant, unless it causes a problem?
@catfienated:
Like Amy said, schizotypal conditions can be well controlled with meds.
However, it also depends what age your partner is and whether he's likely to have slipped through the diagnostic net. Remember that AS has only been diagnosed in the UK since the early 90s, so anyone in their late 20s (as it was just starting to be diagnosed), 30s+ (it wasn't a diagnostic option) may have been misdiagnosed.
I've read elsewhere (can't remember the reference/source off the top of my head), but Aspie females are more likely to have been (mis)diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder (the catch all diagnosis that basically means they don't have a clue! :roll: ) whereas Aspie males are more likely to have been (mis)diagnosed with a schizotypal condition.
Maybe leave Tony Attwood's book lying around, or specifically ask them to read it 'so you can better understand me', and see if it rings any bells with them?
It's also possible, I think, but he may have a dual diagnosis, I think (although I'm no expert) that it's possible to have a schizotypal condition *and* Asperger's.
Once the infatuation phase a relationship starts to pass then people start to become bothered by the other person's personal quirks. The quirks can be that they have bad table manners, like some kind of music you don't like, etc. Most people will have to accept the quirks if they want to continue with the relationship. Some people might try to change but that is just going to cause alot of conflict unless it is self-motivated. If they start complaining about your aspie behaviours and demand that you change, you could explain. If they do not except you and your quirks then say good-bye. The disclosure of AS or not should not really make a difference because that is not the problem, acceptance of aspieness is.
Also whether a person's friends and families accept you is important. If the family is not patient with you then you will always have that conflict. Some people are just more accepting of diversity. My husband's family and friends are quite good to me. A few friends are a little cool but I tend not to engage them in conversation too much. My brother's wife is just the worst. I can not stand her. I just do not talk to her other than subjects about the children.
Yeah but that would increase the chances of having a child that grows up to be like you! :lol:
Drifter:3 Troll:0
As for when to come out with a partner, that is tough to say. It depends on the person your with. I have quasi-relationships. In one I didn't say at all. the other i admitted it pretty early. both relationships didn't work out. but for different reasons. One broke it off, i think cuase she picked up something odd about me(I think anyway). The other tried to use it to manipulate me and I broke it off. two different people though.
Try to marry a non Asp, so you can lessen the chance of an Autistic child. Not trying to insult, but everyone would rather have a healthy, normal functioning baby.
Actually, I already had a child, long time ago, from a previous relationship. She's very healthy, extremely intelligent, she's been diagnosed with ADHD (although I believe she's also Aspie), she has her ups and downs, gets bored with jobs and stuff, although she's an accomplished chef, she's worked in the largest industrial/commercial kitchen in Europe, at the University of Manchester. Oh, and she's extremely beautiful too. In fact she's done some modelling for GAP.
Not too bad, for the 'non-normal' ADHD diagnosed offspring of a 'non-normal' Aspie, all things considered.
And how do you define 'function normally' anyway? Many of my peers have left school, gone into really boring jobs, stayed in my home town, I've travelled round the world, had some fantastic and interesting jobs. Wouldn't swap my life experiences for those of my 'normal' classmates.
No wonder you can't get what I'm saying, you're a dee dee dee. Well, Miss Tard, I was just trying to better humanity through natural selection. Aspies aren't supposed to have children.
Okay Einstein... if it's supposed to be 'natural selection' and aspies aren't supposed to have children, how do you explain the existence of Aspies in the present day?
As it's genetic, and hereditary, surely if Aspies were supposed to die out through natural selection, and we weren't supposed to have children, we'd have become extinct thousands of years ago.
Western society has entered an era of the disposable workforce. In terms of history, this is nothing new.
Workers are valued in terms of their economic worth. Highly skilled and experienced worker can be laid off because their salaries are too high and they can be replaced with lower cost labour. People with skills that will work for lower wages are hired because training people costs money. Unfortunately this whole philosphy runs most western countries.
My experience with quality assurance work is this: when there is a problem: workers are either not trained properly or they do not care. This is mostly the case. Most people want to do a good job. If they are treated badly, the machines are breaking down, they are expected to meet unreasonable expectations -- after a while they do not care anymore.
Just because I have less than average social and communication skills, does not mean that I am not a good worker. No one seems to be interested in employing me. They would rather hire someone who seems to be whatever they want. When the worker can not do the work, they are discarded. No one wants to help them find a job to suit their skills and talents. The job will not be changed, the worker will.
It makes me sick how my country preys on immigrant workers. They are enticed to my country by presenting their skills, education and experience. When they arrive, they are told that their skills are not in demand, their education is not equivalent and their experience is not valid. They are expected to adapt to low paying service or labour jobs.
Eventually this type of "infrastructure" is going to fail. Look at the riots in France.
Let's not point fingers here. You blame the person who is a stock holder. but what about you and me. have we we never bought anything from a corporation. haven't general public been putting money into the CEO pocket and enabling these power games. If the people got togther and decided that the corperations shouldn't exist. You would see how much power the corperation really have. none. But people don't. why?
- People don't think they have the power
- People want all the trival comforts that that industry provides. it so bad that people are convinced that they can't live without these things.
We are addiction to the industrial revolution.
We all have to accept our part in the problem. otherwise we can't be a part of the solution(if any).
Drifter, perhaps no one really knows what could or should be done to improve things that wouldn't rebound and make things even worse than they are now.
Stella
If we could, that would mean knowing the future. and nobody can know that.
But I will tell you one thing. What ever we choose things are going to get worse a lot worse. there is no avoiding it.
Is the topic still one to be discussed, or is the question answered?
Well in that case then I'll rebring up the question as I would like a solid, troll-free answer myself. Should I be open from the beginning as to be honest and get a solid start, or is it best to keep the information until it is necessary to reveal?
What if she's pro-cure. Do I react harshly and break up on the spot or educate her and then break up if she persists? And wouldn't she be mad if she felt that I was concealing something this big for so long?
I have never been on a date in my life and I'm just putting this in a memory bank because a date in the near future isn't looking all that likely either. Compared to me, you have loads of experiance and advice to give.
I would kill for someone with similar interests as me, of any sex. I'm at the top of my school, the last grade in middle school in the gifted class. If they exist anywhere in my entire school, they're supposed to be here and they aren't. AS, NT, doesn't seem to matter, they aren't here. I think you are overestimating my peers.