Some forums are just so bad. I am just ready to give up on my NT forums.
I am sick of being called "insensitive" too many times when offering what I think is sensible advice or facts. It is not so much what I write but "the way I put it". I think I would like to shove it right up some of their asses. I do care otherwise why would I bother to sit there for twenty minutes and think and type some answer? Maybe I should not bother anymore. I do not bother talking to live people much because of this.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Oh I get called insensitive a fair bit especially on the Parenting a Child with Autism Spectrum Disorder on BabyCenter to the point that I apparently caused a few threads to be locked due to my expression of myself against curing my son or myself.
Recently due to the expression of myself and a few other autistic parents w/ autistic children ourselves about not feeling like anyone cared about helping us and supporting our parenting efforts for our children, a few acted like we don't belong on the board period.
how often we've all been made to feel like that in one way or another, Mish :cry:
Stella
I do not mind if someone does not agree with me or presents FACTS that contradict my theories. I have the huge problem of them using emotional statements to back up their theories.
For example if you state that there is no research that shows ABA treatment is effective so why should you have to pay $100,000 for it or risk being called a bad parent. They are all like "oh boo hoo, but my nephew has Kanner's and epilepsy. So how could you say that he should not get any medical treatments? You are so insensitive?" Then you are just sitting there and thinking does this person have low reading comprehension skills? That what not what you were talking about at all. Your factual statements had nothing at all to do with their nephew. In fact, you know nothing of their nephew and that situation. They get all into this emotional state that refuses to listen to logic and any definite course of action to solve their problems. You soon grow tired of being insulted by stupid people and just decide to shut up. Later if you told them that you knew what their problem was and the more effective solution but they won't listen or you did not tell them, they become even more angry and abusive.
It makes me think about the wise old man or woman that lived like a hermit in the forest or on the mountain. People would travel far to hear their advice. The old witch who knew all the herbal remedies was probably someone with AS. She probably knew someone sheep were dying from disease but everyone just would like to blame her for "putting a curse" on them. Interesting theory. I would like to explore that more: people with AS as witches, curers, oracles.
Some forums are just so bad. I am just ready to give up on my NT forums.
I am sick of being called "insensitive" too many times when offering what I think is sensible advice or facts. It is not so much what I write but "the way I put it". I think I would like to shove it right up some of their asses. I do care otherwise why would I bother to sit there for twenty minutes and think and type some answer? Maybe I should not bother anymore. I do not bother talking to live people much because of this.
Does this happen to anyone else?
I know exactly what you (and everyone else who has replied here) mean,M.
On the games forum I administrate,I have had people say "there's something wrong with you" because I prefer being around animals than humans,one guy who'm i've known for some time-and who has completely changed for the worse(no doubt to gain popularity), called me a "retard" for being autistic.
Like you,I have thought about giving the internet up all together as every majority NT forum i've used since 2000 excluding one (the Fancy Rats dot co dot uk forum,if any rat enthusiasts are interested :smile: ) had a lot of prejudiced attitudes,and far too many popularity whores.
I actually think it depends on the subject of the forum to,animal forums for instance tend to attract less moronic users.
Perhaps take a 2 week break away from the 'bad' forums and see what you think then,M?
I have had to leave many NT parent forums because I have felt upset at what parent’s will do to 'cure' their child of Autism. I usually just don't bother going back very occasionally I have spoken out, but the fact is some parents don't want to believe that their child can not be cured, and what they are doing could be detrimental to their child’s health. I have also left other forums because of the way parents have spoken to people on the spectrum trying to offer advice, I did ask several parents on one board who were arguing with an older teen on the spectrum how they would feel if someone spoke to their child that way, how they would feel, but for some strange reason they could not understand that their very own child could easily be offering the same advice in 10 to years time in the same manner. The simple fact is the person offering advice done just that they did not offer sympathy, they offered the facts and for that he was verbally assassinated. It does seem to me that parent’s of autistic children do lack empathy, many seem incapable of seeing things from another perspective.
My personal views are that a lot of the parents on these sites have not fully accepted their child’s diagnoses. Unfortunately so many curebie groups are very well funded and can reach these parents with their brainwashing propaganda, and the truth is they are very easy targets. I was lucky enough to visit this site when I first got my sons diagnoses, thankfully I was not given any propaganda material by the local health trust because if I had who knows what I would have done,
Anyway back onto the subject of NT parent forums and why the truth hurts – As a parent it is hard to admit to having to ask someone else’s advice on what might be the best approach to bring up your child. As a parent of an NT child you can discuss things in Mother and Toddler groups on the school playground when dropping off and so on with other parents. I believe most parents do not think this as receiving help – but in a way it is. Then we have AS children who like their NT counterparts can represent challenges, but as parents we can if it lets us feel isolated because no one else on the school playground knows the real differences between NT and AS ( Parental Self-pity) And that I believe is the problem. A lot of parents just want sympathy not help and yes everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes, but not all the time. Autistic adults know what its like to be Autistic to grow up being Autistic, you know what worked for you/your children or your friends children you know why you behaved in a certain way. We as NT parents do not know what its like to be Autistic most parents I guess try to put themselves in their childs shoes, and guess what they might be feeling/seeing/hearing etc. But that is all we can really do is guess! So for a complete stranger to offer what is usually very well thought over and good advice is hard for us NT parents (it’s a pride thing)
I think some parents also use the words therapy and cure incorrectly instead of using words like helping and moving their child on to the next stage. I have seen this cause a lot of problems. I will give you a couple of examples from my own personal experience. I have always said that the only treatment (probably not the right word to use – but I think it shows another example of an area of confusion) my son receives is speech therapy, to help him understand the world of words and how to use them in everyday situations. I have since found out that encouraging him to put pressure on his fingers by rubbing them or pushing them against a desk before he writes is occupational therapy, in case any of you are wondering why this is because he seems to have better control with his pen, in his words his fingers go to sleep – so I’m thinking (ok guessing) that its because when he holds a pen he holds it so tight and pushes really hard when he is trying to write that the blood flow in his fingers is reduced. (If anyone has any other suggestions I would really appreciate them)
I was also told that the way I am teaching my son to dress himself is the ABA approach, something that horrified me the word ABA *Shudders* example by showing him and talking him through how to do up a button, yes I have used hand over hand technique. He knows he has to do up his trousers after visiting the bathroom otherwise he is going to trip over them. He doesn’t have the social graces of understanding why he has to put the *** trousers on in the first place – but has accepted that to go out of the house he must wear trousers. Is this wrong your comments again would be appreciated? My argument for teaching him this is a safety and social reason, I would not expect him to understand the social reason but he does understand the safety reason, his fallen over enough times to learn. As my mother used to say to me there is the easy way of learning things (just doing as you’re told) and the hard way of learning things (finding out why you have to do something)
I wish I knew the answers as to how to bring the two groups together in a peaceful and educational way I’m sure we could learn so much from each other. I have had to leave many NT parent forums because I have felt upset at what parents will do to 'cure' thier child of Autism. I usually just don't bother going back very occasionally I have spoken out, but the fact is some parents don't want to believe that thier child can not be cured.
My thoughts are that a lot of the parents on these sites have not fully accepted thier childs diagnoses, unfortunately so many curebie groups are very well funded and can reach these parents with there brainwashing propaganda, and lets face it they are very easy targets. I was lucky enough to visit this site first when I got my sons diagnoses
:oops:
sorry that was me I forgot to log in.
Hi Paula! Good to see you here again! :smile:
I was also told that the way I am teaching my son to dress himself is the ABA approach, something that horrified me the word ABA *Shudders* example by showing him and talking him through how to do up a button, yes I have used hand over hand technique. He knows he has to do up his trousers after visiting the bathroom otherwise he is going to trip over them. He doesn’t have the social graces of understanding why he has to put the *** trousers on in the first place – but has accepted that to go out of the house he must wear trousers. Is this wrong your comments again would be appreciated?
It seems perfectly reasonable to me. My son also learns more effectively by going through the actual physical motions than by listening to a verbal description alone (not all autistics are kinesthetic learners, though).
As for understanding social expectations, that depends on a child's age. When they are young, they just have to be told that there are some things people are expected to do, like saying please and thank you, and wearing clothes. When they're older, you can get into more detailed explanations of culture, tradition, history, social psychology, and the like. Aspies often find it quite fascinating to discuss and deconstruct our cultural expectations and assumptions!
I wish I knew the answers as to how to bring the two groups together in a peaceful and educational way I’m sure we could learn so much from each other.
In the blogging world, there have been some constructive discussions recently between neurodiversity parents and pro-cure parents. In particular, I recommend Kevin Leitch's pro-neurodiversity blog Left Brain/Right Brain, Wade Rankin's pro-cure blog Injecting Sense, and two blogs that seem to take a middle ground, MOM - Not Otherwise Specified and Susan Senator's Blog.
I'm hopeful this dialogue will lead to more understanding.