Have you ever had problems with being really attached to a particular person, being utterly obsessed and in love them?
I think I'm finally getting over a guy I've been completely obsessed with for over two and a half years (I feel more sorry for him than me) to the point where it really seriously interfered with my life.
Has anyone else had problems with really excessive infatuation? I was talking to an aspie psychologist who had the same problem. With aspies' tendency for obsession, I wonder if strong infatuation with a particular person is a problem for many aspies? I mean, more of problem than it is for any human being. :roll:
I know, this all seems very puerile!
Been there.
The special interest is this person. You know their schedule, make lists of what they wear, what they like to eat, their interests, possessions etc. You feel you love them because you know everything about them. You rehearse in your head all the conversations with them and it is really upsetting when you try to have a conversations and it turns out nothing like that at all. Once that person tells me very clearly that they are not interested, I would not contact them in anyway unneccessarily. Usually you find out they are not interested in you but you are sure that if you had a date with them you could convince them that you are perfect for each other. I think with an AS person it could be more fantasy than actually having contact with the person.
I do not know if this is considered stalking. I think stalking is more following them around and sending them letters, gifts and giving them unwanted attention. Showing up at their work and trying to take them somewhere. Some people get love obsessions and their frustration may turn to violence.
Whether the affection is reciprocated is the important question. Some people are in physical relationships with the people they are obsessed with as well. Some people are obsessed with persons they have never met. The important thing is whether or not the obsession is causing problems in the life of the person being obsessed or the person being obsessed about.
I was told by the pre-marriage counsellors that my husband was obsessed with me. I do not mind too much. He always wants to know where I am and what I am doing but I see that more as a safety issue. He usually likes me to come along when he runs errands. He controls our social life but since I have very few friends worthwhile, I do not care. Others might see this as restricting. We does not run my daily schedule or tell me what to do all day.
I've been very obsessed with one or two men. In younger years I built my life around the hopes of being in a relationship with them, and of course it never came to be. But from my experience, NTs love just as passionately and do "crazy" things for love. In fact, I think sometimes that "craziness" for love is really what makes the whole world go round.
I have been obsessed with people and had someone obsessed about me. The person who was obsessed about me; I never really knew that he liked me. I always thought he was weird but really just ignored him when he bothered me. Everyone around me was really more concerned about it than me. I think he told some people that he wanted to kidnap me or kill me or something. I never really took it seriously. I guess if I was NT, he would be in jail. I think he might be over it now. I still talk to him. I do not think he is a bad person. Having been obsessed with people myself, I could be more tolerant.
the couple of times it has happened it has been quite upsetting for me because i do not think i should obsess about someone else the same as a thing. so i ran away, because it feels scarey. but i have not worked out how to get interested in a different way. i know there is a different way. i am not obsessed with my cat for example. i am fascinated by cats generally, but i sincerely love my cat and we hang out together very easily. i am neither bored by him or pay too much atention to him. he has his cat life and i have mine and we have our life too. so that is the feeling i want with another person. i guess it is just a matter of time as my brain is busy doing other things.
becca
I've always felt really bad about the obsession I had with this guy, because I think I did bother him quite a bit, but he just seems to ignore me though we've had perfectly friendly conversations since then. I always promised myself I'd never speak to him again, but then for some reason I'd speak to him again. I know, I sound like a creep. :roll:
I try as hard as I can to cut myself off from other people, they've only ever caused me trouble, no matter how much they or I try.
I'd rather be contented with staying at home with my cat. :smile:
I've always felt really bad about the obsession I had with this guy, because I think I did bother him quite a bit, but he just seems to ignore me though we've had perfectly friendly conversations since then. I always promised myself I'd never speak to him again, but then for some reason I'd speak to him again. I know, I sound like a creep. :roll:
I try as hard as I can to cut myself off from other people, they've only ever caused me trouble, no matter how much they or I try.
I'd rather be contented with staying at home with my cat. :smile:
Sorry, this post was mine.
Hey ! I looked up Limerance on Wiki and I think that is what I do not get. I do not get limerance about a person.
I had never heard of that before, so I looked it up too.
:shock: I had no idea others faced the obsession monster. I'm facing it right now. It seems whenever there is a glimmer of someone liking me, or if they pay me any attention, the little Speilburg in my head crafts an elaborate fantasy around them that always ends up with me in a happy satisfied relationship. This never happens. With my once-husband I was so blatant about it that he told his friends I was stalking him, which of course increased my "creepy girl" persona and decreased my chances of finding a REAL relationship. Oddly now, he's stalking ME. But such "big picture" things never seem to trouble the minds of us Aspies until far later than is helpful.
I was never interested in any sort of relationship, not even friendship, (too much trouble) until I met Vernu. Within a couple of days, he'd become my best friend ever and we were inseparable. Twenty years later, we're still best friends, altho there are times when I could strangle him (only he's too big - he's six foot three and I'm five foot nothing, so I can't really reach his neck!)
:lol:
Alison
When I read that I had an image that vernu might be like Harvey the rabbit. Did you see that film?
It has been for me at times. I joke that I really can't have a relationship with a gay guy, because I'm attracted to straight guys who look gay. So my being attracted to a gay guy, would consistantly interfere with the relationship.
Yep, I've been through this. I am actually currently trying to get a girlfriend, and am grappling with avoiding obsession. It's such an odd battle because I cannot convince my subconscious to stop. But if I can hold it down for long enough I think I can convince her. From that point it will be more acceptable.