I mentioned something on another thread about my 'coming out' as Aspie on a different forum and the person I was involved in a heated debate with said: "sorry"
I didn't like it because I felt it was as if I'd told him bad news or he was pitying me in some way, and also he was patronising me in that he felt I shouldn't contribute to the argument, or my points weren't valid or something.
Anyway, my point is: what do you feel would be an appropriate response when you tell someone you're Aspie?
I would have preferred it if this guy had said: "okay", "it's cool", "interesting", "really?", "What's that?", "so what does that mean, what difference does it make?"
Basically, I'd have preferred any other response than "sorry".
How about you?
Anandamide, yeah, that guy was an buffoon, but I was only using that as an example to illustrate the point of appropriate/inappropriate responses to coming out.
I know that guy's was an inappropriate response, but what, in your opinion, would be an appropriate response?
I think in some ways I wish I could just let people know. Full stop. But it's not that simple, if you tell people something like that, they think you're expecting a response. I'm not necessarily expecting a response, but an NT is programmed to give one.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is: is there a consensus here as to what people think is an appropriate response, if so, what is it? And if there is an appropriate response, how can we communicate that to NTs?
...I just thought I was weird and it could not be fixed.
Whereas now, like the rest of us, you don't just think you're weird, you *know* you're weird, and you accept that it cannot be fixed! :razz: :lol:
On the other hand, what is amusing once or twice can get very tedious after 10 times.
Me: "Aspergers"
Other person: "*** burgers? Is that contagious?"
Me: *Glares, having heard this a dozen times already*
Other person: "I'm just kidding ^_^"
If I had a penny every time someone called it *** burgers and then thought they were being original saying it...
...I just thought I was weird and it could not be fixed.
Whereas now, like the rest of us, you don't just think you're weird, you *know* you're weird, and you accept that it cannot be fixed! :razz: :lol:
I've come to consider "you're weird" to be kind of a compliment. 
Answers.com definition of 'weird'
1. Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural
2. Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange
3. Archaic. Of or relating to Fate or the fates
I'm okay with weirdness--in my mind I give it a positive connotation, mostly because the things about me that people think are weird (e.g., travelling thousands of miles on a Greyhound bus to visit friends and see the country) are things about myself that I like.
Yeah, I know. I apologize if I came off as insensitive here. My response stems from the "sometimes you gotta laugh about it" place, and there are weird things about myself that I genuinely find amusing, even if others don't. Fortunately, I live and work in environments that have a pretty high tolerance for diversity and individuality--but getting through teenagehood and early 20s was really hard--dealing with the "Why can't you..., Why don't you..., You'd be so much better off if you'd..., "No one's going to like you if you continue to..." types of admonitions.
Responses I've had along the lines of: "You can't have asperger's because..."
1. You're not like Temple Grandin.
2. You're not withdrawn enough.
3. You seem like you're pretty organized.
4. You get along with people okay.
5. You do pretty well in conversations with people.
Lots of educating to do, eh?
I'm skeptical of generalizations about either NTs or Aspies--some people are able to handle more complexity, ambiguity, uncertainty and confusion than others. So far, I haven't lost any friends, but it's only really recently that I've started to talk with people about AS. So we'll see.
... I remember someone who represented some asperger action group in hertfordshire asked if she could talk to me one time to my mother and my mum said yeah sure where are you he can drive to see you after his work and this persons response was "OMG He can drive and he works" :shock: I found that quite amusing some people really do think were head cripples or something
That's why I found it really annoying that a local Asperger's group, which was mainly for teenagers but now has an adult group, organised activities for adults, by which I mean 25+, but a non-Aspie member of staff from the group had to attend the outings! I was quite excited when I first found out about the group, because I don't know any other 'out' Aspies (although I have suspicions about a couple of my neighbours!) and was really looking forward to meeting other Aspie adults, but when I found out about our 'chaperone', I cancelled my attendance as I found it qiute humiliating, that an Aspie group for adults should be considered somehow 'incapable' of meeting up in public without a 'normal' person accompanying us.
i can get maid and taxi service for having AS? great. where do i sign up? seriously,did the person think you were mobility limited? mostly that stuff is for the poster children in wheelchairs. i now hurry the other way when i see one-i don't want to be prejadiced, but every time i get near a physically disabled person it turns into their getting unlimited special treatment at my expense. :cry:
I have mentioned it once or twice as a possibility to some people but once they reject it with a sarcastic or 'smart' remark I do not mention it again.
Most people seem to find it necessary to contradict or deny something that they cannot see, feel, taste or touch.
Actually, i would much rather have people think i had brain damage and feel sorry for me than being abusive, throwing tantrums and yelling "***' at me because my voice was to loud or otherwise hurt their tender sensibilies, refuse me medical care when i was sick because my reaction to extreme, prolonged stress was outside their comfort zone, call me
" a spoiled brat instead of a responsible adult" because my solution to a problem was not exactly what they wanted, tho it fixed the problem with a minimum of disruption--- et c. et c. i would rather be pitied than abused.Pity also seems to get you all kinds of special treatment, and require the people around you to handle you like glass no matter haw badly you're behaving.I'd love to be pitied.
From my own experiences I don't think comming out about it at the right times is bad at all, just that it is a very delicate subject and whether or not your safe telling people in general has a lot to do with timing, context, and how you go about explaining it. If people are having those intellectual conversations about what neurosis they think they have, you might be able to give it a surface-scraping mention. If your telling a story and some fact is contingent with an aspect of your AS you can tell people about that aspect of you but talk about it like your a mostly normal person with a normal querk. In general I think intentionality and attitude have the most to do with whether or not you can pull it off, if people get pulled onto uncomfortable ground with it thats when things tend not to go well and being that disability is a real touchy subject most people, again, don't want anything to do with it unless your doing a really good job of padding and normalizing the idea of it.
Last year, there were 2 write-ups in the local paper about me. One was excellent and was part of an article about autism in the local community. The other said that I was "mentally impaired" and that is taking a lot of living down. Even a really good (otherwise) counsellor that I was seeing said that autism is a mental illness.
Seems to be that we have a long way to go in educating others about our condition.