Aspies For Freedom

I am a woman with long hair.  I had it down to my hips but I cut it for my sister-in-laws wedding because my mother-in-law wanted me to.  Finally I have it at waist length.  

I am always having people bother me about my hair.  I do not mind someone saying a compliment.  I just say thank you.   But what I can not handle is people telling me I should cut it and get a new style or cut it off and donate it to some charity.  I know about this charity.  They are supposed to make wigs for children with cancer but I researched them and I do not like them.  The intentions seem good but really I think there are a shadey charity.  If I tell people that I do not want to donate my hair, they are very rude.  Telling me that I do not care about children who are ill etc.  and tell me that I really do not need my hair.   This is making me very angry.  

I grow my hair long for religious purposes.  Usually now when I go out I put up my hair and wear a hat.  I wear a hat or snood or bonnet also for religious purposes and I am constantly having people criticize me for that.  When people ask questions about my hair or headcover or modest long dresses, I really do not want to reply since I can not tell if they are just curious or hostile.  What should I do?  Sometimes I just smile and say "no English" and walk away.  That seems to work.

People can be so rude! I am not sure what country you are in, but people have no right to make these personal comments.  

Well, if people try to get you into a discussion about why you wear your hair that way and they don't stop when you tell them that you like it that way (which I think must be enough for an answer), you can just tell them that it's none of their business. That's a bit rude, but if people don't get it the nice way, one sometimes got to remind them to keep to their own business.

When they still don't stop, ask them how they would find it, if you were questioning their style of dressing and if they'd find it appropriate if someone else would do such a thing to them.

Another possibility is, that you tell them that you feel affronted by their intrusion on your own style/religion or whatever. (Feelings can't be discussed being right/wrong! They just can't be wrong - only behavior can be false/inapprobiate)

Sibylle

Personally, I love long hair which is how mine is. Since your hairstyle is part of your religion, tell people that it's none of their business, and that since you respect their beliefs, they should do the same to you.

Your body is your business, not mine or anybody elses.  Ignore them and stick to your principles.


Peace

maybe most people see hair as a visual statement to the rest of the society. it seems it is ok to make some personal comments, about what a person is wearing and to NTleaning person, this is like saying something out loud so they respond. i am not sure about this.

my hair is long and i have thought about cutting it all off because of the comments. it is as if other people think they own it. but now i think about it. it is because they think i am saying something that provokes a response. i think of my hair as like a pet.

i like the response No English. i think i would like to use that for most unexpected social interactions. there is some truth in it for me.
becca

maybe most people see hair as a visual statement to the rest of the society. it seems it is ok to make some personal comments, about what a person is wearing and to NTleaning person, this is like saying something out loud so they respond. i am not sure about this.

my hair is long and i have thought about cutting it all off because of the comments. it is as if other people think they own it. but now i think about it. it is because they think i am saying something that provokes a response. i think of my hair as like a pet.

i like the response No English. i think i would like to use that for most unexpected social interactions. there is some truth in it for me.
becca

You should be proud of your long hair!

The current buzz may be short hair but that's only because TV, Internet, radio and other media tell you that short hair is popular these days. People, reality check: That's all fed by the national commerce! They like having a new buzz every month just because people buy new stuff! Look, it's on the TV commercial so we *have* to get that! Ridiculous! People who follow that sort of thing are IMO just followers with little sense of originality and own taste. I dress the way *I* like to, not because someone else tells me to dress that way. Granted, I do take into account that some things are more hip than others, but I wear what I'm comfortable with. If someone tells you you shouldn't wear your hair this way, just give a response that says something like 'so what?'...
Big plus here because you're dressed this way because of your beliefs. That makes a statement to people that says: "I care less about what other people say, I have my own beliefs and I follow them. At least I'm consistent!"

I used to have long hair, but decided fairly recently that it's too much fuss to look after. Now I try to keep it short and tidy.

Telling you that you don't care about ill children because you do not wish to give up something that is ultimately yours is completely illogical.

I'm a short haired person because it's comfy. I get comments about how I look like a boy!!! So don't feel bad, it happens to all hair types, it's just some rude thing people do. I have to admit I am one of those people who is curious about the bonnets.  :oops: I mean not to be rude, I just mean to become more informed about different religions....sorry, it never occured to me this would be rude!

I don't see the connection here between the way someone dresses and children getting ill. Or getting ill children for that matter. Maybe it's in a wider perspective concerning M's beliefs but those aren't the issue here.

a week ago i went to the hairdressers for the first time in 17 years and got most of it cut off. i liked it very much but i also like it the way it is now.
i was curious about whether i would be able to handle someone else touching it. it was ok, but i was a bit hysterical. the hairdresser was a male and he seemed to understand so he was not fiddly with my head. It was hard looking in the mirror, but i wanted to do something to remind myself i can andle change because this year has been a sad year with lots of confusion.
it is taking abit of getting used to, but the comments are positive. It is interesting how some people do not recognise me or treat me differently. some people treat me just the same and they are those people who know me best I suppose.
On wondy days it is a bit tiring because the wind twiddles every hair, so the sensory information is a bit overwhelming. when it is long it is too much for the wind to pull so it is like protection. In bed it is a similar feeling.
When i was little i had a blanket i wrapped around my head because it felt safer so i might do that again.
even though it is a challenge i am glad i did it because i am learning something new.
becca

I used to hate my hair being long, but now I quite like it. I think my liking it now has something to do with the fact that the ends are curled in an elegant, nice way. and the rest of my hair is now wavy. I used to have dead straight hair when I was younger, but now it has curls and waves. I also stopped dying my hair since my mum told me that I have my grat grandmother's hair.

And I think guys with long hair looks lovely. I also think Frances Conroy in Six Feet Under when it is early morning and she's in the kitchen with her hair down is lovely too.

People have been obsessed with hair since the beginning of time. Look around the world, everywhere someone is telling people how to put their hair. It's insanity. I wear my hair short and spiked, get cut every couple of weeks, just basic things. I have also had colours in it, and that's alright too. Wear your hair anyway you want, doing anything else is just conforming to the tribal mob follower in every NT out there.

Isn't that slightly underhanded -- shifting the discussion to feelings with the express purpose of making something "impossible" to refute?  (At least impossible for people who are in the school of thought that feelings don't have anything to do with right and wrong, which is not the only way to think about feelings.)  I mean, it's bad to harass someone for hair, but isn't it also bad to manipulate people?