Aspies For Freedom

I'm actually a business owner and computer network engineer,
but in my heart of hearts I struggle with the desire to express
myself in the world. I do not claim to be a writer, but I do
a lot of forum posting. Just for the hell of it, I'm including 2
small pieces.

One is a 'poem' (I didn't even realize it was a poem until I started
studying modern-sytle poetry this morning) about how to modfiy
one's neural circuitry to enhance creativity and empathy.

The other is a 'poem' I wrote to describe how I discovered my
temperment might be appropriate for the writing of this one
narrow style of 'poem' despite my HUMONGOUS writing block.

--

"Become the Beauty"

Suggestion:

Find an object or aspect of nature you find beautiful (not a person).

Park yourself in front of it.

Notice your feelings of appreciation for the beauty.

Lean into the feelings.

Feed them.

Expand on them.

When thoughts arise in your mind, your inner dialogue, just ignore them.
They have no value of any kind.

Sit quietly with the beauty. Fill yourself with it. Notice that while you contemplate the beauty with passion, that 'you' cease to exist.

Yet you still live.

This beauty you feel, if you could bottle it and carry it around with you,
and express it to others - would make you a poet.

The thing is...

You CAN  bottle it (your body is the container). Your body has legs so you can carry it. You have lips so you can express it.

This state of beauty knows no pain, no inner dialogue and it is YOU.

You don't need the jailer any longer.

-Kevin Cann


--


"Concrete, Free-Form, Prose-Verse!"

Those words say it all.

I've known for years that I both love and hate words.
Hate is attached to words, due to the maelstrom of narrative worries
that I once allowed to dominate my mind's scape.

Love of expression,
with beautiful flair - the opposing principle not contrived.

Strange I thought myself to be, with white-space
preoccupation, til knowledge of Concrete prose
was just recently obtained.


Concrete prose, a modernist style, concerned with textual
presentation; differentiated from lyrical rhythmic metered verse,
appeals to a being, once fractured by autism's pain.

Oh why should I argue? Whine? coerce and constrain,
when mind hungers for soundless, Concrete, free-verse's
soul-liberating refrain?

I wonder, should innmost muse be freed,
would it be possible to pour out my
learnings,
in this form I love,
to fulfull my deepest life-long need?

-Kevin Cann

Hello Kevin, and welcome to AFF.

Do you find it hard to plan/organize running your business? Do you have any advice or tips regarding executive planning?

I'm always full of advice. I'm a rabid advice-giver, as I'm an
idealist that wants the world to be a GOOD place, not the
world we live in.

I do 'run' http://www.phoneconference.com, but the 'truth' is
that its just a website that attracts web surfers to place
an order which is sent to my wholesaler supplier of
services.

Doesn't sound like much does it?

Well i've made over $1,000,000 US dollars with it in the past
3 years.

So I'm not ashamed one bit that its so simple.

I DID spend about 5 years learning how to make web sites and
do internet marketing, and invested about $50,000 of my own
hard-earned income in various niches that didn't pay off before
I found this niche.

However on the subject of exectuve planning, I do have some advice,
from my 'day job' career.

During the dot.com craze I was a $275.00 per hour computer network
consultant so I dealt with a lot of big projects.

I'm assuming you are an Aspie for this response, as I am
an officially diagnosed aspie myself.

As you no doubt know, there are probably 3 major aspie issues
that would interfere with planning:

1)  Black and White thinking (all or nothing).
2) General Anxiety when dealing witth a large project.
3) The problem of 'perfectionism'.

I'll address each in turn.

1) Black and white (rigid) thinking is a real problem for Aspies.
A concerted effort to root out this kind of thinking, and to replace
it with 'grey thinking' (my term) really helps. I have a whole system
I'm working on with this title, but the general principle applies and
should be obvious.

2) General anxiety formerly 'killed me' for years. The key is to
break down any large project into smaller pieces IMMEDIATELY
before the anxiety hits. The just break down each piece again
as necessary.

3) Perfectionism is a real problem. Its all-too-likely one will spin
in circles endlessly, due to being unwilling to allow an 'exit condtion'
of the creative process to occur. (overanalysis). The answer is
to go for the 80% mark and be done with it. A future reexamination
is allowed to further 'fine tune', but its critical that one of those
'narrative mind' loops that people make themselves sick with
doesn't occur. As world-class obsessives we have to be DOUBLY
certain not to fall prey to this.

I'd say these are 3 of the larger issues. Of course I could write
an entire book on just this topic, if I didn't have this huge writing
block.

I hope this reply was helpful to you.

-Kevin Cann

That was very helpful Kevin, I would be interested to hear more about point 1, if you do write more about it.

I am an aspie.

Do you get inertia which prevents you from starting a project? Or do you think that comes under the same category as anxiety, anxiety about starting something new.

Glad you liked the post.

On the subject of gray thinking, it all resolves around 'sense of self'
issues, as its my contention that Aspies tend to lack a solid sense
of self, so they latch onto ideas as a surrogate.

The solution is to become a comfortable self, so that you don't
confuse black and white thinking obsessions with self-stability
which it isn't.

my system teaches a person how to become a solid, comfortable
self, even in a world that is hostile to our existence.

If I could get some help with my 'writing block' I'd be glad to
go into it in detail.

As for inertia, I think its exactly as you say.

To become more 'effective' aspies in this world, we have to do
many things to overcome intertia, which also include:

a) becoming more comfortable with the project
b) becoming more comfortable with ourselves.

which unfortunately, at least in the beginning means we must also:

c) learn to 'work through the pain' until we have built new brain
connections/habits/coping mechanisms.

If you aren't willing to suffer SOME, you'll never be able to get
things done.

-Kev

I suppose its a problem when there is 'pain' from everyday activities, and so people want to avoid more pain unless absolutely necessary.

Such pain might be from being bullied, very stressed, depressed, so on.

These things are like a brick wall to productivity and happy living.

Yes,

that's why a big part of 'Gray Thinking' is rearranging yourself
so that your suffering markedly decreases, so that one CAN
deal with the pain that comes from the required 'stretching'.

But that aside, its critical that ones life be arranged as simply as
possible, to avoid overstressing an oversensitive brain and nervous
system.

No matter which 'miraculous' mental disciplines one chooses
to follow, we are still 'misfits' for this world and have to take
some lumps no matter what.

-Kev

A technical question - I assume you have financial security now, has that made life easier and less worrisome? Or has it made little difference to your psyche?

I have quasi-financial security.

My wife suffers from MS & Fibromyalgia and has  truly heinous
medical expenses.

But to answer your question -

For myself, this 'gray thinking' has transformed me.

I have no clue what effect it might have on others.

Its not likely it will be shared with anyone anyway.

The finances are an extra thing, but appreciated.

The thing I most have to calm myself about, is the fact

I've never been 'truly' creative.

My time operating nuclear reactors, building global computer networks,
my home businsess success and all that means very little to
me.

I wish I could be creative.

:-)

So here I am in this forum.

I'm humbly hoping someone can help me find a way to express
myself.

-Kev