Aspies For Freedom

Well, sounds like Jade is off to a great start right there!!!

And, the fact that you're eager to learn how it is to be in her world -- to understand her better -- is just delightful beyond words.  You have no idea -- so very many people on the autistic spectrum long for their non-autistic families, friends, co-workers to reach out the way you are doing....

I can only imagine how you and your husband are feeling -- and I probably can't even come close to imagining your feelings accurately.  I do have some insight into your situation, though -- albeit from the reverse position.  I lament the fact my mother is not autistic (while my father very much is!) -- and I am forever saddened by the fact that she and I can never truly connect.  In this way, I think I can imagine a bit the sadness you feel -- that there is a gap between you and your daughter.

I think, though, that you are in a much better position than I am with my mother -- and I'm sure you will be able to bridge the (perceived) gap between you and your daughter.  The difference between your situation and mine is that you WANT to bridge the gap -- and your daughter, I am sure, will respond to that as she gets older.  Sadly, my mother is not interested in trying to bridge our gap -- she has too hard of a time admitting that one exists.  So, you are in an advantageous starting position, believe me!  Be glad for that.

You might also feel sad that your daughter will have a hard time in the world as she grows up -- depending on her own personality and level of 'quirkiness' -- and depending on the situations she finds herself in -- she very well may have a hard time.  But, with you two to support her, it will not be as bad as it could have been.  Oh, the horror stories people on this board could tell you of growing up without support!  

So, be there for Jade (what a beautiful name, btw!) -- support her in what she does -- what she wants to be.  And, if you truly want her to be happy, accept her for who she is and help her to find her own strengths, set her own goals, be her own person -- be happy in this world!

All the best.

AspieGirl  

Monica, if you wish to chat to some of us directly feel free to come to the chatroom, the best times are afternoon and early evening US times.

To try and answer some of your questions -
does she understand what I say to her?

Can you try and guage that by asking simple things like 'do you want a drink', if she understands and responds, then she is understanding on a basic level, if she doesn't, then its likely that she is delayed in that area, it is entirely possible for that to develop at a gradual pace.

How can I positively reinforce good behavior, if she does not know that I am smiling, or happy with her?

Can you offer her a physical reward, such as a toy that she likes, watching a video, a hug if she likes them?

Is it true that autistics have larger brains? her head has always
been on the biggish side

A recent study stated that brains of autistics seem to grow bigger at first with increased white matter, then slows down and ultimately has less white matter.

Does my family's history of bipolar disorder factor into her autism?

It could, do you have traits of aspergers too, or does your husband? Its all very complex, and I may be able to explain better in the chatroom.

My exceedingly above average son's ADD factor into the equasion?

As that is genetically coming from you and your husband, yes.

Could our quirkiness that has alienatedmUS from society contributed to Jade?

Parents personality, intelligence, looks, all go into their children, so it is a factor, autism is thought to be 90% genetic, can you try the tests in this diagnosis section and see what you results you and your husband yet, it may answer some questions for you.

Monica, I'm so glad that you are noticing your daughter's abilities, such as her long attention span, and are not just focusing on negatives.

In our family we have one person who was apparently a very late talker, but is said to have been reading before talking. I'm not sure how this is possible. We have another family member who was reading and writing at university level at grade 6. When there are autism genes in the family you never know what to expect.

I'm sure you will realise very soon that your daughter is not the only unusual person in your family.

Please take care of yourself. You have already been through a very emotional time, and we all know what a challenge parenting can be.

where can I find the chat room? I have sooo many questions!
I don't really see any negatives with Jade. Never have. I have always felt that these things she does, are just absolutely amazing. She shocks us all the time, and our friends! When they see her stacking one inch blocks, perfectly aligned into a tower, and all the same colors grouped together, we often forget how unusual this may be to them. In our house, there really is no definition of normal. My husband and I connect on a level that is far more than physical, emotional. It is like we are yin and yang mentally. He is the math whiz, I am the linguist. I look like the typical soccer mom, but I can tear up a halfpipe with my husband and son as if I were a teenage skate punk. My husband, who is actually the "mature" person of us, is 10 yrs younger than me, and only 11 yrs older than my son! You should see people try to figure us out! He likes the Grateful Dead and Pink Floyd, I like punk and classical, our son (yes, he has a different natural father than my husband!) likes Elvis, Jimmy Buffet, video games, and golf. He is more straight laced than either my husband or I!
We don't like fast food, We refuse to have cable (have you SEEN MTV lately?!) we watch PBS, and get excited when a new NOVA comes on.
So, when it comes to normal, I don't think we could qualify. I think Jade  fits right in, although, I think she is the smartest.  

As far as responding to me when I ask her a question, there is nothing. I know she understands to apoint, because she has figured out that no mesans to stop what you are doing. This has proved invaluable, as she is fascinated with toilet water! But I wish there was a way I could tell how MUCH she understands. This is the part that saddens me. I feel as if our whole relationship until now has almost been fake, entirely one sided. I have always thought that we had not connected the way my son and I did, but I thought, different baby, different relationship. I almost feel as though I have been talking to another child for the past 21 months, and perhaps to her, I was.

Monica, to find the chatroom, go to the front page of the site and click on the 'chat room' box in the menubar on the left.

Then just enter your name, you wont need a password unless you have registered your name on the chat network.
You need to accept the java applet to chat with.