I was at work yesterday, and this family came to the deli to order chicken. The lady's son was obviously autistic. He was rocking even as he walked. He seemed brigth enough though, and wasn't behaving badly. He was a beautiful child, about 10-12 years old. I hardly ever see any other auties around here, so it was hard not for me to look at him (especially since I have a tendency to hone right in on something that interests me, as he did).
Well, the mother hit him (not hard) for rocking and told him to stop it. I felt really sad about it...he was doing so well with coping in the store, and he wasn't at all disruptive or anything. I have seen a lot of NT children who were very badly behaved and their moms just act weary or worse yet, buy them stuff because they're being bad!
I wanted to tell her that it was Ok, not to be embarrassed, that I'm autistic too. But I was afraid she wouldn't believe me, and to be honest, she didn't seem like a nice person. She got really impatient for me not hearing her the first time or for speaking too quietly or something like that....
What would you have said or done?
What I would've like to have done: Scowl at her, make remarks that he didn't deserve that.
What I would've actually done: Be reeeeeeeally slow in taking her order. Stuff it up and somehow give her something else. Pretend not to hear when she says I made a mistake.
You couldn't really have said or done much in that situation. You couldn't really afford to be morally indignant about it, unless you didn't care whether you got reprimanded or fired because you were rude to a customer. So you did the best thing: act in the interests of self-preservation.
I know an adult who has been known to rock in public. If I gave them a clout for doing this they would probably hit me back!
chamoisee said "Well, the mother hit him (not hard) for rocking and told him to stop it."
Its a sad situation, in the past I saw a woman actually punching her baby, it was hysterical and I was mortified, I confronted her and told her to stop, she said 'its my baby I can punch it if I want to'. :evil:
There were people around, but no-one did or said anything, I hate to see children being hit, it makes me feel sick.
Its very hard to ignore, and also hard to do anything, I think if parents will treat their kids in a certain manner, they aren't going to change just because a complete stranger tells them its wrong.
Its possible that anything you said would have been further blamed on the child for 'being a nuisance' and 'causing embarrassment'.
When some people see a parent hitting or slapping their child in public for whatever reason, they call the child protection authority or police and report it. To do that, you would have to know the parent's name and maybe address.
I do not think it would be a good idea to give bad service to any customer. You might lose your job and it will not help that child in any way.
Some people might go to another room and call the police if the person is going to be there for a while if the attack was really bad. Someone punching an infact really is assault. They could go to jail for that. Even someone just hitting, that might be considered disciplining a child, could get investigated. They might not get charged but at least someone would be checking on the family that the child is not being abused. I definitely would not want them to suspect that I reported them.
She didn't hit him hard. It was more like a light push-hit on his shoulder area and he had a heavy jacket on. Physically, I am very certain that it didn't hurt him.
It's just that her attitude hurt me. He was doing a good job of coping, staying with his family, and being quiet. All she seemed to see was that he was rocking and God forbid that he might look 'different'! :roll:
She didn't seem nice, she looked unhappy and bitter. Had she looked at me for any length of time, she would've seen that I flap quite a bit too...
I never,
ever screw someone's order up intentionally or mess with their food...that woudl not only be wrong but also a bad reflection on my employer. There are a very few people whom I simply will not wait on if I can at all avoid it. One couple, for example, made a nasty homophobic comment while I was waiting on them. I've had someone else cover them ever since...I don't need to hear that crap. :mad: Generally though, if a customer is difficult, I go out of my way to make their order just as perfect and flawless as possible. People like that are going to be just itching for a reason to find fault with me, and it gives me pleasure to foil that. :lol:
I guess one of my main questions is, when I see another autistic in public, is it improper to mention that I am autistic, too? I get so lonely soemtimes, not for lack of people, but from being surrounded by NT's, and I would love to have autie friends of any age, locally, especially if they are feeling the same way.
I think its a difficult way to meet some other aspies and auties in that way.
Some people may not realise themselves, or some might not want to admit it if they have had bad experiences in the past with talking to strangers.
You could consider starting a local social group, by putting up some simple posters with an email address on, and arraging to meet others in a cafe.
I trying to understand other people's feelings as much as I can, mostly by reading their experiences.
Some people do not want to disclose their diagnosis for whatever reason. We must try to respect that.
I was mostly unaware of my AS for the first half of my life. The second half, I just was unaware of how my AS affected my relationships with people and work, the world. I would have to say that when other people mentioned that I might have a similar problem or LD, I felt it was more hurtful than helpful. I could not understand the person's motivation for saying that to me.
If I wish to publicly disclose my AS and have others who might think they are the same, I would discuss it with them. I might try to stop bullying of them if I could but I do not think I could go much further than that. It is better if someone asks or looks for the answers themselves. It is difficult to do nothing when someone is suffering but saying something might hurt them more.