08-26-2005, 08:44 PM
09-05-2005, 08:53 AM
Lili
I agree, nobody should criticise someone else without being in exact the same situation and managing it better. And even then, one should not criticise, but help!
I think a lot of humans do wrong things not because of wanting to be bad or enjoing it, but because of not knowing how to do better. And of course being criticised all their life they easily become obdurate, which I can understand. Nobody needs to be criticised all the time without being told/shown how to do better.
I have a diaper/nappy child that's 6 years old and it's not because of lack of toilet training. I did not do anything different than I did with the 8 year old, who was perfectly clean with about 4 years of age. It's probably partly because of the difficult situation (when he was to become "clean" his father moved out, he started kindergarten and things got very difficult with his brother) and because of genetics (I wasn't dry all the time when I started school myself). So on the first day of school I told his teacher that there might be a problem and she suggested me to bring some clothes for him to change, so they could manage it discreed if there would be a wet trouser. And I told my son to try to go to toilet every break, to avoid the blame - for the other pupils would laugh at him, something he really does not need or deserve!
And I found out (by seeing what other parents tell their kids) that a lot of parents discuss other peoples things in front of their children. When another child in the class of my older son (the one with Aspergers) had some problems (they were testing him for ADHS, negative) and almost was sent away from school, parents discussed this in front of their children and the children threatened the boy, telling: "If you hit me, you'll be sent away from school." That's disgusting! I used to tell my kids: "Other kids have different problems than yours and everybody has problems, even if some can hide them. If you don't want them to laugh at you, don't laugh at them."
Sibylle
I agree, nobody should criticise someone else without being in exact the same situation and managing it better. And even then, one should not criticise, but help!
I think a lot of humans do wrong things not because of wanting to be bad or enjoing it, but because of not knowing how to do better. And of course being criticised all their life they easily become obdurate, which I can understand. Nobody needs to be criticised all the time without being told/shown how to do better.
I have a diaper/nappy child that's 6 years old and it's not because of lack of toilet training. I did not do anything different than I did with the 8 year old, who was perfectly clean with about 4 years of age. It's probably partly because of the difficult situation (when he was to become "clean" his father moved out, he started kindergarten and things got very difficult with his brother) and because of genetics (I wasn't dry all the time when I started school myself). So on the first day of school I told his teacher that there might be a problem and she suggested me to bring some clothes for him to change, so they could manage it discreed if there would be a wet trouser. And I told my son to try to go to toilet every break, to avoid the blame - for the other pupils would laugh at him, something he really does not need or deserve!
And I found out (by seeing what other parents tell their kids) that a lot of parents discuss other peoples things in front of their children. When another child in the class of my older son (the one with Aspergers) had some problems (they were testing him for ADHS, negative) and almost was sent away from school, parents discussed this in front of their children and the children threatened the boy, telling: "If you hit me, you'll be sent away from school." That's disgusting! I used to tell my kids: "Other kids have different problems than yours and everybody has problems, even if some can hide them. If you don't want them to laugh at you, don't laugh at them."
Sibylle
09-05-2005, 08:55 AM
Amy
I love your avatar :grin:
I love your avatar :grin:
09-05-2005, 02:17 PM
At what age would a parent take their child to the doctor when they are concerned the child is not toilet trained or still wetting the bed?
Maybe you do not understand what I am really trying to say.
Constant soiling and wetting accidents during the day are signs that something is wrong medically or emotionally. One five year old girl was constantly soiling herself. This was because she had been sexually abused and it hurt her to have a bowel movement. She was constantly constipated and always trying to hold back. Finally someone noticed.
Most parents might express some concern if their children come home (from school, daycare, playmate's homes) in clothing or underwear that is not theirs. This would indicate that clothing had been removed and put back on. It might seem suspicious if the child was always coming home with different clothing or underwear.
"It's quite a common thing for uninformed people to blame parents for child behaviour that is troublesome or unattractive. As a parent myself, I no longer have much tolerance for people who criticise parents without thinking first."
Why don't you just tell me to ***** off since I do not have any children of my own. This makes me very very angry. There are many children who are neglected and not getting the medical attention and help they need and it is their parent's fault. I do think about what I post here and I do care. Unfortunately some articles do not give every single detail about the situation. So who can not tell if it is all the teacher's fault or the parents or principal's or nobody's?
I stay off the parent's forum since you all think I am so unqualified. Should I stop commenting on the media forum too?
Maybe you do not understand what I am really trying to say.
Constant soiling and wetting accidents during the day are signs that something is wrong medically or emotionally. One five year old girl was constantly soiling herself. This was because she had been sexually abused and it hurt her to have a bowel movement. She was constantly constipated and always trying to hold back. Finally someone noticed.
Most parents might express some concern if their children come home (from school, daycare, playmate's homes) in clothing or underwear that is not theirs. This would indicate that clothing had been removed and put back on. It might seem suspicious if the child was always coming home with different clothing or underwear.
"It's quite a common thing for uninformed people to blame parents for child behaviour that is troublesome or unattractive. As a parent myself, I no longer have much tolerance for people who criticise parents without thinking first."
Why don't you just tell me to ***** off since I do not have any children of my own. This makes me very very angry. There are many children who are neglected and not getting the medical attention and help they need and it is their parent's fault. I do think about what I post here and I do care. Unfortunately some articles do not give every single detail about the situation. So who can not tell if it is all the teacher's fault or the parents or principal's or nobody's?
I stay off the parent's forum since you all think I am so unqualified. Should I stop commenting on the media forum too?
09-06-2005, 04:43 PM
M
Well, I think a lot of parents, especially parents of Aspies or Auties, get a big amount of good advises from other people - might it be from other parents or people without kids, who are interested and well-meaning.
Somehow I learned that almost all the advices I got from other people were those I tried out before asking for help or ones I read in parenting magazines or so. So I always had the feeling people thought me being kind of stupid when they were telling me what I could think of myself. And most of them did not listen to me, when I told them: "I tried it and it did not work" They constantly repeated their good advice until I became kind of unfriendly. Then they told me I did not want any help, what was just not true.
That's one thing why I sometimes react oversensible when someone else tells me, what I can read everywhere... But, yes, I am thankful when somebody offers real help.
And for me - I did not know wether you have children or not until you mentioned above.
Sibylle
Well, I think a lot of parents, especially parents of Aspies or Auties, get a big amount of good advises from other people - might it be from other parents or people without kids, who are interested and well-meaning.
Somehow I learned that almost all the advices I got from other people were those I tried out before asking for help or ones I read in parenting magazines or so. So I always had the feeling people thought me being kind of stupid when they were telling me what I could think of myself. And most of them did not listen to me, when I told them: "I tried it and it did not work" They constantly repeated their good advice until I became kind of unfriendly. Then they told me I did not want any help, what was just not true.
That's one thing why I sometimes react oversensible when someone else tells me, what I can read everywhere... But, yes, I am thankful when somebody offers real help.
And for me - I did not know wether you have children or not until you mentioned above.
Sibylle
09-07-2005, 01:38 PM
I have to try and understand what it would be like to be a parent. I can see situations from a teacher's point of view because I have done some teaching.
It was bad that the teacher sent the child home just in underwear. At least a shirt tied around the waist would have been better. The principal might have been called to call the parents to pick the child up, drop off clean clothing, or the principal drive the child home or at least discuss the problem. Teachers are not allowed to drive children in their own vehicles.
Where I teach, at a church, none of the teachers are allowed to take children to the bathroom or change diapers. Only one woman is allowed to do this because she is a nurse. Otherwise, the parents are called down to change the diapers. Teachers are not allowed to go into the bathrooms with the students. If a child has to go the bathroom, then at least one other child must accompany them. So if I am teaching a class with only one boy and he has to go, I have to stop the class and ask for a boy from another class to go with him. The rules seem complicated but they are too protect the children from molestation and the teacher's reputations.
I know many teachers who are extremely careful. Children are supposed to be fully toilet trained when they enter school. If they are not, an aide can be assigned to help them if they are eligible (eligiblility is a problem in some cases). I know a teacher who was always having certain children with soiling/wetting accidents expected in class. Of course they were changed. Whenever a child when home and said "teacher changed me, teacher wiped my bum.... whatever." This was reported and the teacher was suspended until and investigation took place. The teacher did nothing wrong but was still accused. If a teacher is convicted of "improperly touching a child" or "assault" they will face criminal charges and then they will be fired. In fact, they will lose their career. Assault can be "throwing a piece of chalk at a child". So teachers are extremely careful. They are frustrated by parents who never sign notes sent home, are unavailable by telephone, who never return calls. Very different from the days when we were "strapped".
Some children just have poor vocabularies and have trouble expressing themselves. One teacher I know used to like to put her finger under her 4 yr old charges' chins lightly and tell them how sweet they were. One child went home and told their parent that "teacher hit me on the face." One reason why I never make any physical contact with students ever. I would only pull off one trying to kill another.
It was bad that the teacher sent the child home just in underwear. At least a shirt tied around the waist would have been better. The principal might have been called to call the parents to pick the child up, drop off clean clothing, or the principal drive the child home or at least discuss the problem. Teachers are not allowed to drive children in their own vehicles.
Where I teach, at a church, none of the teachers are allowed to take children to the bathroom or change diapers. Only one woman is allowed to do this because she is a nurse. Otherwise, the parents are called down to change the diapers. Teachers are not allowed to go into the bathrooms with the students. If a child has to go the bathroom, then at least one other child must accompany them. So if I am teaching a class with only one boy and he has to go, I have to stop the class and ask for a boy from another class to go with him. The rules seem complicated but they are too protect the children from molestation and the teacher's reputations.
I know many teachers who are extremely careful. Children are supposed to be fully toilet trained when they enter school. If they are not, an aide can be assigned to help them if they are eligible (eligiblility is a problem in some cases). I know a teacher who was always having certain children with soiling/wetting accidents expected in class. Of course they were changed. Whenever a child when home and said "teacher changed me, teacher wiped my bum.... whatever." This was reported and the teacher was suspended until and investigation took place. The teacher did nothing wrong but was still accused. If a teacher is convicted of "improperly touching a child" or "assault" they will face criminal charges and then they will be fired. In fact, they will lose their career. Assault can be "throwing a piece of chalk at a child". So teachers are extremely careful. They are frustrated by parents who never sign notes sent home, are unavailable by telephone, who never return calls. Very different from the days when we were "strapped".
Some children just have poor vocabularies and have trouble expressing themselves. One teacher I know used to like to put her finger under her 4 yr old charges' chins lightly and tell them how sweet they were. One child went home and told their parent that "teacher hit me on the face." One reason why I never make any physical contact with students ever. I would only pull off one trying to kill another.
09-08-2005, 01:12 PM
So why is everyone always starting off all the posts with M?
I do not need a personal answer. So is everyone doing that just wanting to tell me that I have no idea what I am talking about? I am feeling that everyone is picking on me.
I do not need a personal answer. So is everyone doing that just wanting to tell me that I have no idea what I am talking about? I am feeling that everyone is picking on me.
09-09-2005, 11:07 AM
I was toilet trained by about 3 and never had any accidents in pre-school as we were allowed to go to the toilet when we needed to. But I peed my pants a few times in first grade as I was too scared to ask "sister" could I go to the toilet because she'd already yelled "no" at some boys who wanted to "go".
It was very embarrassing as she sent me home in some old pants and every day after that demanded when I was going to bring the pants back and this was in front of the whole class. Even though mum washed the pants in a couple of days, it took several more days before I got the courage up to hand them back.
I think 4 years and up is a bit big to be wearing nappies unless the child has some problem that is causing incontinence. I would be taking my child to the doctor if they were showing no signs of being trained by about 3 because there could be some medical reason for it.
Peed pants aren't such a worry, but kids are very cruel to others who poo their pants and so are some adults. So, I think it's very important to find out why an older child would be pooing their pants, especially if they do it often. There could be a physical abnormality, they could be too shy to ask or they might not recognise when they have to "go".
I know it might not be very PC, but I would get a bit annoyed if I regularly had to change pooey nappies on an older child if they didn't seem to have anything "wrong" with them and might be tempted to say "oh yuk, why didn't you go to the toilet?"
I think it was very cruel for the teacher to abuse the little boy and I'd like to know what gave her the right to put him at risk of catching a chill or getting abused by some pervert, not to mention the psychological trauma of his experiences.
It was very embarrassing as she sent me home in some old pants and every day after that demanded when I was going to bring the pants back and this was in front of the whole class. Even though mum washed the pants in a couple of days, it took several more days before I got the courage up to hand them back.
I think 4 years and up is a bit big to be wearing nappies unless the child has some problem that is causing incontinence. I would be taking my child to the doctor if they were showing no signs of being trained by about 3 because there could be some medical reason for it.
Peed pants aren't such a worry, but kids are very cruel to others who poo their pants and so are some adults. So, I think it's very important to find out why an older child would be pooing their pants, especially if they do it often. There could be a physical abnormality, they could be too shy to ask or they might not recognise when they have to "go".
I know it might not be very PC, but I would get a bit annoyed if I regularly had to change pooey nappies on an older child if they didn't seem to have anything "wrong" with them and might be tempted to say "oh yuk, why didn't you go to the toilet?"
I think it was very cruel for the teacher to abuse the little boy and I'd like to know what gave her the right to put him at risk of catching a chill or getting abused by some pervert, not to mention the psychological trauma of his experiences.
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