I have a lot of trouble answering and calling others. I fear picking up the phone and will most likely not do it. I suck at communication and it's even worse on the phone. It always ends up being awkward because I never know what to say and I make mistakes that make me look really weird. I'm always anxious before and most of the time, during a call.
It is especially true when it comes to leaving a message. I need to call at least 3 times to get over the anxiety and a lot of rehearsing of what I'm about to say. I usually end up saying what I have to say in a monotone, formal way. People think I'm weird afterwards.
I'd like to know if I'm the only one like this.
My main problem is the lack of visual clues to keep my attention on the conversation. I tend to end up looking at things, but not seeing them and also not paying attention to the conversation, zoning out verbally and visually.
Also, we seem to talk over each other and have fits and starts in the conversation because of this. Quite annoying.
I'm not entirely comfortable with leaving messages yet. I tend to repeat myself (usually my call back number.)
These are even drastically worse on the cell phone.
I don't leave messages. Period.
What I like most about cell phones: text messages.
Whenever I have to make a phone call, I check if I can send a text message or an e-mail instead. Or even a letter.
Patrice, just like you I find phone calls, especially to and from unknown people, very stressful. I never leave messages, but try again later or, if possible, send an e-mail instead. Most of the time I also don't answer calls with a blocked caller ID, because they're usually telemarketeers. Also I do not return missed calls from unfamiliar numbers.
Even with an indirect means of communication, such as a text message, e-mail or a letter, the way you say it is most of the time just as or even more important than the actual thing you're trying to say. Indirect means of communication also allow me to review and reflect over the message before I send it. Especially when I get agitated over something I tend to overreact so postponing reactions have already saved me from a lot of potential trouble.
I pick up when my mobile phone rings or my room phone at college, but i won't pick up the house phone unless I've been specifically told that I must. Making calls is difficult - I usually need to have some kind of script. I can manage conversations with some friends, and with family - but even then I get really nervous and usually have to type the number several times before calling.
I do not leave answer phone messages.
My mum got me to practise by having me call in our order to takeaway places - but even then i have to have a script, time to panic and to calm down afterwards.
E-mail/text are so much more manageable.
I hate phones. They take up my time and I hate leaving messages. Plus people are hard to understand.
I don't like text messaging because it takes too long to type unless I had a phone with a little keyboard.
Yes! I avoid them as much as possible. What really bothers me is the numbers. I have trouble dialing them correctly and if I get a busy or wrong number I always have to go back again because I'm not sure I got it right to start with. A lot of times I don't put the numbers in correctly.I don't hold numbers in my head well, as I've said on here before, so I have to keep looking back and back at the paper it's written on. Makes me tired! I'd much rather email.
I detest talking on phones - I can never quite hear the other person, and I can never remember what's been said.
i have to/am forcing myself to call someone i don't know today about something they never got back to me about, and don't seem like they're going to. very very scary.
I used to be afraid, but then I started buying from catalogs. It put me in debt but now I can call people on the phone.
I hate to talk on phones. Like every time my phone rings I approach it with a "god damn you for calling me" kind of feeling toward whoever it is. But texting is okay, though. I like to get texts.
Like and Hate them t the same time.
I hate tyhping because I'm not going
to correc typos because my keyboard
takes alot of abuse when I m 'forced"
to.
I hte phones because of the problems
technical that they can thro at me.
So whats a boy to wdo?
I don't answer if I don't recognise
the bnumber on the caller id.
I don't like to use the telephone. In fact, I rarely use it.
When the phone calls, unless I know that my mum or dad is calling first or I recognise their number I don't answer the phone nor do I take the number down.
I realise that perhaps that this is not helpful but I don't really want to be put into a situation in which I can't handle very well.
I also hate and fear phones. I 'm another one who has to prepare a script in advance, and then hope that the person on the other end doesn't say something unexpected that will force me to deviate from the script-my mind then goes utterly blank. And I feel violated whenever it rings. It's like having a stanger trying to break down my door.
I also won't answer numbers I don't recognize. Even if it's just a wrong number and I'm not trapped into conversing with someone, I still feel agitated and have to rapidly walk around the house while talking to myself-my version of stimming.
I also don't like talking on the phone when others are present. In my case, it's because my mother would often openly eavesdrop on my phone conversations, criticize and/or disagree with whatever I'd just said, and try to tell me what I should say next. This would stress me out even more, and I'd tell her "Excuse me, but this ISN'T a conference call". Then she would be accuse me of being a grouch. (Maybe I was!)
As a teenager, I used to hide when the phone rang because if I answered it, I was sure to mess up and then get told off or at least feel really stupid. Finally, I got a bit of confidence in answering calls at work but then lost most of that about 7 years ago.
It doesn't bother me now to leave a message on an answering machine and sometimes I actually hope they won't be there and I can leave a message instead. I hate making calls to people I don't know and it seems a common thread in aspies to have this fear.
Graded exposure might work with some of us; ie. make the least threatening calls to begin with, but even that isn't without its risks because anything unexpected is likely to throw us. That's why it is really good if there is someone who can tell us it is okay to make mistakes and the world won't end because of it as we are very self critical in general.
Unfortunately, I haven't yet got past feeling really stupid if I stuff up a phone call (or think I did) and this makes it difficult to get past the fears. Some people are really rude on the phone too; they justify it by saying they are busy but that is all the more reason to be polite because otherwise they will lose business or damage friendships.