Greetings,
I finally managed to have a chat with my parents last night - dug up some interesting things about my childhood as well. Most of it was classic AS - no awareness etc. Of the more interesting points - they actually wanted to expel me after the first couple of months of startign school and the educational psychologist described me as 'too bright'
Anyway one definite advantage of going unrecognised was that I was never subjected to any of the standard treatment / therapy etc. and my parents always stood up for me. They were fiercely defensive of my right to be different. Personally I think thats the best upbringing any AS child couple ask for - and I'm all the better today for it.
I would really like to get this accross to today's parents. The children are not incapable - they just need to be allowed to work things out in their own way. I'm living proof of that as are alot of others.
Good point Wolfy. "They were fiercely defensive of my right to be different." That really made me happy to read that.
I'm glad they've been understanding, a good reaction can make a huge difference.
You both were very lucky. Alot of NT parents of autistic, and Asperger's children would deliberately set out to try to make "them" normal, or near normal by subjecting them to all sorts of therapies. I had nothing but play therapy from when I was five til I was ten years old. I don't think it helped me understand why I was different than the rest of the kids my own age at the time. I knew I was different, but my parents failed to let me know what was really wrong with me, never said the word "autistic" around me, ever! Never had any of the special therapies that autistic, and Asperger's children seem to be receiving nowadays. Glad, that you both are happy, and well-adjusted, as I am still struggling in this world to make as normal a life for myself as possible, and at the age of thirty nine.
Oasis_in_desert
Anyway one definite advantage of going unrecognised was that I was never subjected to any of the standard treatment / therapy etc. and my parents always stood up for me. They were fiercely defensive of my right to be different. Personally I think thats the best upbringing any AS child couple ask for - and I'm all the better today for it.
I'd go along with that! I don't know about the "fiercely defensive" bit, but my parents never made any noticable issue of my difference, and just let me be. I could have done with a lot more help outside the home though as it was a constant nightmare.
I don't regret not getting the therapies they get today as most are suspect. What I do regret is not being given the information I needed to figure things out; if only someone had told me why NTs behave as they do, then life would have been so much easier, and I would have been happier sooner.
A lot of parents think they are "protecting" their children by keeping them ignorant but this is PC nonsense and ignores the fact their kids have to face the outside world sooner or later. Just because a kid is happy when they get home it doesn't mean they've been happy all day; it could be quite the opposite and they are happy only because they've reached safe refuge again. When I got home, the last thing I wanted to talk about was the misery I'd suffered all day!
Be aware, parents, that your kids may not want to tell you all their troubles (especially when they don't understand what the problem was; it's incredibly hard for an Aspling to even begin to bring up such subjects, and moreso, once they've tried to explain and got a "don't be silly" kind of response) so the only sure way to help them 24/7 is by empowerment.
"Knowledge" imparted, is the begining of the power to understand, and the sooner that starts, the better.
As a mother of a 4and half year old boy(ASD) I totally agree with you on it is our job as a parent to allow our children to be who they are. I can relate to having to figure things out for yourself or as my mother always told me learning the hard way.
My Son started school in September, mornings only, he is in a dept. for children with Communication difficulties which is attached to a mainstream school. He intergrates with Nursery children for 2 hours per day and then returns to his classroom within the dept. for the last hour. The teacher seems to be really in tune with the kids in the class, allowing them to discover/learn things through thier interests.
I would like your thoughts on the PECS system which is used in the apartment, for helping the children with speech and a visual timetable, I always thought this was great, we use a timetable at home and use the pecs cards to explain things.
I was very concerned at parents evening when I was told that my son was only doing what was on the timetable, when he was sent out of the classroom to put on his shoes and coat at home time, he would leave the classroom and just stand and wait for the next instruction.
Not putting on his coat and shoes, which he can do. I have never seen this sort of behaviour at home, so I don't know why he is doing it at school. I'm sure he fully understands the instruction of go and put your coat and shoes on, it is as though he is wanting someone with him to reassure him he is doing the right thing.
Which is another concern I have for him at the moment he is doing everything to please his teachers, and I don't think he is thinking about what/why he is doing it. Any advice please.
I think PECS is a good thing. For the school concerns, as your son is still very young, and must still be getting used to the school environment, I wouldnt worry about him waiting to put his coat on, he will get used to the routine.
Thanks for the reply Amy; you are right he has only been at school for a few months. I'm sure your right with time he will become confident in what is expected of him.
I like the PECS it has made a huge difference to his life, knowing what is happening during the day has made him less anxious. I just worry that by being told all the time what to do he is not thinking things through, just doing as he is told all the time, like a little robot. :?
I have never worked with PECS myself, can you have a chat to the teachers about it, its possible that they develop the use of the cards to include choices for the child, so once they know the routine they can start to decide things for themselves at times, like play time for instance, (deciding on an activity).
Thanks for your help Amy, I spoke with my Sons teachers and they have said he does have some times when he can choose, and that they will increase this with time.
Good
The preschool that my son attends, he's almost 4 has been very great with taking suggestions from the SLP in use of PECS within the classroom and in routines and I agree, it does make a big difference. We have Boardmaker at home as well as cardstock, ink and laminator so we can do up our own visual schedules, heck I even follow them somedays to remind myself of what needs to be done around the house. We've been lucky in that the preschool director is willing to work with me on things that I feel Dylan needs. Even if she may not fully understand why or such, she still is pretty much accommodating of working with stuff I send into the preschool and such.
Hi Mish
Sounds like you have a good pre school, its nice when people are prepared to listen to what you have to say, and act upon it.
Please what is PECS and do you think it wil help with my son, just diagnosed at 6yr 9mo?
It would have been helpful to have something like that when I was at school. Even now, I have trouble doing some things unless given a sequential list of instructions. It seems to be assumed that if you are told the first step, you'll know what to do afterwards. Well, I don't always, and it was worse at primary school.
One afternoon, I was sent out of music lesson because I felt sick and was told to sit on the steps. The teacher didn't tell me to come back into the classroom when I felt better, so 2 hours later I was still sitting on the steps and would have kept on doing so except that school was let out and all the other kids were running down the steps.
The teacher growled at me and said "why didn't you come back to class?" and I thought she think I was cheeky if I said "because you didn't tell me to".