Aspies For Freedom

ATM: This is one of the most important things that I would ever say to parents.  It is not "advice."  It is simply the Truth as I see it.  The role of the parent is not to conform a child to the world system.  It is not to act as a conformer.  Many parents of both NT and "Aspie" children believe this.  However, it is not the role of a parent.  

The role of a parent is to bring up children in Righteousness.  That supersedes all other considerations.  That is not conformity, nor is it "being different" as a type of individualism.  Both of these are incomplete.  They are not so much wrong as incomplete.  The complete role of the parent is to bring your child up to be Righteous, to bring what is just and good out of the child.

Any other consideration, any other goal, including both "curing" Autism and "accepting" Autism, detract from the real truth vested in a parent.  Obviously, between the two of these I prefer acceptance, but even that is of lesser importance than taking the role you have as a serious trust.  Raising a child to be good and just, even when the world system itself demands otherwise, is the real challenge you face.

I hope that you understand what I am saying as deeply as I mean it.

All the best.

No doubt.  My parents were at their wit's end with me when I was in school.  When I went to kindergarten I could already read and had all 40 (at the time haha) American presidents AND their First Ladies memorized.  The shrink told my dad that I was just too much for the other kids and I would outgrow it.    

I am REALLY RELIEVED to find out that I have this and talk with you guys...finding out that there are many people that have this too is the most comforting thing ever.  I was starting to feel really alone!

Anyway, yes, to all the Aspie parents, allowing the kids to work things out is MOST DEFINITELY the best option.    Montessori schools help sometimes; I have a friend whose daughter is Aspie and that was the only solution that they could come up with.  

I see that this is from 2004 - this first post of this old thread - which seems to be a post on Advice for Present and Future ... (Disclaimer- I have not read the rest of the thread)- {I hope that there is nothing that turned into a flame war or was controversial on here} I, as a parent to three very different kids / different learners with very different personalities  wanted to have a place - as a parent - to talk about this kind of stuff.  I found one today, albeit an old thread...

Except for when my kids were babies (they are 11, 9 and 8 now)- before the tedium of grade school - I hadn't been in a forum atmosphere in awhile, so when I found this site a couple of months ago I guess I could say - I wasn't sophisticated enough to figure out all the rules and nuances of AFF.  I jumped in, I think carefully, if a bit obsessively, and tried to and meant to share my perspective and what I have learned and experienced as a help to others. (I love people and am a big studier of people) I found the title aspies for freedom, which spoke to me as Freedom and Respect is what my son needs more than anything.  I am here, first and foremost for my own son, but a very close second to be supportive AND as a supposed NT (though I've always felt atypical) me being on the other parts of the forum, I felt, could lend more understanding of a supposed Nt's perspective - maybe to help some who would judge their own parents too harshly and maybe just as a PERSON (NT or not) like me, who is also a mother, I hope to be of support to any and all that ask for advice on basic life. I hope I have helped somehow.

I have felt mainly comfortable sharing and posting and mainly welcome and very BLESSED to have found everyone on here. I'll admit that until the last few days, I was ignoring the CATEGORY of the threads - I have read lately that some think that parents of autistics (as opposed to aspie parents of aspies) should stay in their own area - a parents section.  I will try to do that from now on.  Though I note, that the reason I hadn't seen the PARENTS section is it doesn't seem to be used very much and maybe the way I am looking for posts is wrong.  I also don't want to be so presumptuous as to start a new thread.  So, I hope no one minds that I continue on this thread - and if noone cares what I wrote here, that is okay too.  I am in a different time schedule so mostly when I post noone replies or sometimes i post before someone else and there post cuts in line - I've no idea why. Anyway, I will be hanging back more starting (yesterday).  

I want to say again, Thank You to whomever started this forum AFF, and those that post and share their thoughts, ideas and ACTUAL experiences.  Thanks for sharing.  Thanks for being so amazing in your communicating your percepetions and difficulties as well as your triumphs.  I know that you are not here, to support me, a parent, who has been relatively unscathed by this (frequently) callous, narrow-minded world.  I am here for my son, I throw myself headlong into anything that I think will help to teach me to be a better person and parent.  To be all that I can be (knowledge is power) as support for my three kids and any other child who needs help.  Right now, my sons life depends on my decsions (and my husbands) and how we creatively deal with the outer forces of the world, i.e. mainstream society, school, etc., and how well we walk the line between sheltering, teaching and letting him make mistakes. We have no interest in changing him, just in lighting his path where necesary and God help us, protecting him form bullies and arbitrary schedules and timetables. My Apergers autistic son is the better for my having found you all.  
THANK YOU!

Anyway, I agree with what the poster wolfy wrote and I hope that my kids will feel the FREEdom to be different always.  My parents brought me up to be free and excercise free will and I hope to pass it on. My theme as of late on the rest of the forum has been - mainstream or not, facilitating having my son identify with his (nov. 2007) DX or not.  He has always been an autistic and a different learner and in the past few years he is more aspergian. The way life is changing because of his age - 11-  has precipitated HAVING him to be diagnosed but a DX does nothing in and of itself in making things any less complicated.  Now the school people think they should have a say in the way they "treat" my son.  (as wolfy alluded to).  

So if you followed all that I wrote here, I'd be surprised, but if you read on anyway, thanks.   If you ever have any advice, I am always open to it.  I'll try to stick to the parents forum and stay out of the way.    

P.S. Be on the look out for my honestjohn aka newly registered Super JK, he will be posting on here sporadically -- as he thinks "aspies are really cool".  (he has basically only posted on the alien abduction thread so far- I think he is holding out for a pokemon or star wars thread)

I'm pretty sure we have both a pokemon and a star wars thread in the special interests section...

Also, I think the parents section is for stuff that directly relates to parents and parenting, rather than a place that's only for parents, or where all the parents are supposed to go.  You can post other places too.

I am a Mom to a potential Aspie and a Wife to a definite Aspie.  I try to post in whatever area seems best.  But sometimes, General works the best.  

I read, just yesterday, a joke about how there are no "adult" Aspies, like they all grow out of it or something.  I think that posting in the category that most fits your question is best.  

But that is just my opinion.  

Thank you, Wolfy. It helps to know that although my daughter's diagnosis was delayed by a few years I've not "wasted valuable time" as many of my relatives and friends seem to think. I think it helps to know about your child's autism as a parent if you look at it more as a "learning disability"  vs. a "disease" or "mental illness" that must be overcome. Even though sometimes it's as much an overage of learning ability in some areas, I still think that's a somewhat apt description. What they used to call "gifted + learning disabled." It's a description and a "blueprint" for how your child's brain is wired. If it helps you to know and causes you to teach to your child's strenghts then it's good to know. But if the diagnosis will cause a parent to panic and cause futher anxieties in an already anxious child it could be a bad thing to know. Hard to say and I think it has a lot to do with each set of parents plus how early the diagnosis is made (maybe not the earlier the better, convential wisdom be damned.) My 2 cents, anyway.