Aspies For Freedom

It happens....

angrycata29 - Not knowing anything about you (basically blank profile) it's difficult to give suggestions or advice.  My suggestions for a young adult are different from those for a 40 y/o.  

So, in generalities , Life sucks generally.  Some days and people are better than others.  Life isn't fair it's just life and really doesn't care much about you as an individual.  I would bet dollars to doughnuts that everyone in AFF has had their share of heartrbeak, sadness and depression.  Some of us tough it out, some outlive the causes, some live with it, and others seek professional help.  You know what you've tried in the past, whether you've given it a fair chance and probably what is available as far as professional help in your area.  

You're the only one who change your attitude.  One mantra I ofter tell myself is, "That was then.  This is now.  Learn from it and go on.".   The Serenity Prayer works a lot of times too.

BTW - I'm not usually this blunt, just a bad day for me.

That was just like me after leaving school.
Develop your interest or indeed create one and mix with like minded people. OK mine was restoring and modifying cars at the time. I met many people through that and it is much easier to communicate about ones interest than not. In fact it is welcomed.

+1

Well, this is mostly rant.  But I am going to say it anyway.  Yes, that's exactly how it is out there for us when around classic NTs.  I am also really, really sick of people telling me that I should not express my anger over this treatment.  I also am very sick of people trying to get me to express the positive on these issues on the forum.  I left for a while and couldn't come back because of being asked to put these types of things in a positive light, which is outright lying, and I feel that even if there are young people on this forum, we all need to be living in the truth.  

    The more information about NT behavior the better we can predict and the higher our rate of survival in the NT world is.  So I am very tired of the denial around how it really is out there and the treatment of autistic people, especially those with Asperger's where some of us are so close to NT in our presentation we are then treated like pariahs.  

   About eight months ago I got a major eye-opener on this subject.

  The economy crashed, and certain NT things that I would never waste my money on became so cheap I decided why not.  This was a $500 permanent hair treatment  and the ability to buy an expensive chain store's clothes.  Both prices went down by 75 percent so I said okay.  Instead of looking a little bit hippie like with messy wiry hair and unstylish hiking-type clothes and dowdy work suits, I now have long straight hair and feminine clothes.  I also look fifteen years younger than I am and am tall and thin.  

  Bingo.  Every door has opened.  Complete turnaround.  I am told regularly that I seem smart, beautiful, successful, together.  I get about two calls a day from people who now want to be my friend and am asked to go on dates frequently.  In the past I was told by those close to me that they could never imagine me having a nice car, a successful career, that I could never be considered pretty and that I make people feel bad just by my presence.  (That one was by my therapist.)  When I confronted these people, reminding them that I make close to six figures and have a really nice car sitting outside, have a good face and body type, they would say they knew this, but it was just something they felt but could not define why.  

  If I was to cut my hair tomorrow and return to my old style of dressing, be assured that these exact people would return instantaneously to the rejection and pain I have received from NTs all of my life.   Believe it.  You are marked.  It is only your outsides they are looking at.  Okay.  I am bitter.  Yes, you will be accepted over time for your insides maybe by friends and family.  But unless you hide your autism, this is going to be your life.  

  And I will say again, even though others disagree, if you are male, not even changing your physical appearance like I did will help.  You will have to change your voice, your movement patterns, your eye contact, the way you hold your facial muscles and your hair and clothes to achieve acceptance if you are "off" the way I am.  I am very very bitter about this.  I have what I have always wanted now, but it makes me sick that it's all about the outisides for them.  I forgive because it is an animal thing, and people have no idea how powerful the urge to reject other members of the species for lack of conformity.  But I think you have valid reason to be angry and bitter.  I am.

I learnt to dress well and maintain positive grooming as it is very effective in society. But ever so false. No, they take people on face value (looks) and if one fails that within 30 seconds, its gone irretrivably.

I actually flaunt my aspies but no-one believes me as I present rather well and are quite articulate and I am in control of my body language and eyes.

Well, you are a few steps ahead of me. On a good day, I can present as a shy NT but on a bad day, there is something "off" about me that I really cannot control. The people who know me well still accept me but sometimes I notice the funny looks I get from others.

I'm pretty much past caring now. If they expect the impossible, they are not going to get it from me. I think the OP has every reason to be angry and I certainly wouldn't want to be told to think positively either.

When people get treated like *** they end up feeling like ***.

Do you have a special interest?

My word was sh*t.

You are trying to post a message too quickly after posting a previous message. Please wait 6 more seconds.

I am constantly feeling angry.  I think it might be frustration but I don't understand that emotion or feeling.  

I think sometimes that I am wasting my efforts so I just can decide who I really should be angry with or if I care about what they think about me.  Sometimes I just don't care what some people think about me because I can just ignore them.

I am thinking that just being silent and avoiding people (going somewhere to be alone to eat lunch) might be better than sharing my gloom, doom and anger with everyone else.  Maybe when I feel better I could go and socialize again.  Better than saying something I feel now and regretting it later.  Usually I don't know how people are going to react to me.  When I am totally honest sometimes then people will say that I am difficult to be around, bad attitude, needy or "aggressive".  

Someone told me that I can across as aggressive and I was rather surprised.  I was really angry perhaps.  I think that frustration might be the feeling but I just know I feel angry.

Yes, I get frustrated a lot. I can certainly identify that particular emotion.

Yes, I am frustrated with a friend. I've known him for years. He married this woman who has turned out to be the bridezilla from hell. But he is blaming himself for their break-up when it is clear to me that she was just using him. I think he was way too good for her from the very start.

Hi angrycat29
Just wanted to tell you that I know how that feels and wish you peace.  No advice since I don't even know how to handle it myself.  There is some comfort in knowing we are not alone.