Aspies For Freedom

Hi! I'm back with another question for you nice people!  

I have a dilemma.  My daughter is turning 6 at the end of September and is going to be starting kindergarten this fall in an autistic support classroom.

I am very anxious about her starting full-day kindergarten and luckily she got a full-time aide (32.5 hrs a week).   The class has only 8 children and they range from kindergarten through 4th grade.  The higher functioning kids get mainstreamed into some regular classes.  My daughter will not be mainstreamed into any regular classes.

The school realizes how worried I am about sending her full-day and gave me the choice of sending her for a half-day only.  My husband and I are thrilled about this.  My daughter's behaviorist, on the other hand, is making me feel guilty for my decision and tells me that I am keeping her from learning and I am being over-protective. It's true I am over-protective.  I don't care about that.   Neither she nor I are ready to "let go" yet.   But he (behaviorist) says that I am shutting the window on critical learning opportunities and the earlier I get her into an intensive learning environement the better.  

Is that true?  I would really like to hear opinions from people on the spectrum or parents who have been there.  

Am I really closing the door on learning by sending her half-day?  Seems a little far-fetched to me.  It's not like I ignore her when she is home.  I can teach her things at home, too.  

This decision is tearing me up.

PS - thank you ladies for your previous great advice. I am happy to report my daughter is (for the most part) no longer afraid of public places.  I've been taking her out everyday for a little at a time & working her up to longer & longer periods of time.  And she no longer gropes at privates!  All because of your advice.  You guys should teach my daughter's behaviorist a few things!!!   :grin:

At age 6 in the UK she would go full time, kids go full time from age 4, even those with autism.
Can you have a compromise and start her with a half days for two weeks, see how she copes, and then move up to a full day?

It will be a good break for you too.

I think with an aide she should be able to get full day kindergarten done after a while. I think it is a great idea to try out with half-day and then keep on trying to enlong that time. Be aware that every change might make her anxious (I don't know how your daughter reacts to small changes as doing more hours in kindergarden after a while, but it can have effects as well as the big change from no kindergarden to full-time).

Another point is, that you will have more time for yourself - which can be good for your daughter as well, as you might get more relaxed and maybe you can have more intense time with her when she is home.

Sibylle

Seems far-fetched to me, too.  Many school districts didn't even offer full-day kindergarten programs until recently (and some still don't), but kids managed to learn anyway.

My aspie son went to a school that had only half-day kindergarten.  He did just fine, both in classroom work and in learning how to get along with other kids.

I agree with Amy's suggestion of starting with a half-day and then moving up to a full day, after your daughter gets used to the school environment.

And try not to let your daughter see how anxious you are about her starting school, or she will be anxious too!

Glad to hear it!   :grin:

Sunny, I agree with Amy, Sibylle and Bonnie. It will be better if you start with half days, it's too huge a change to go from no school to going full time. Here in Ontario Kindergarten isn't full time, either. Kids go one week two days, and the next week three days, with free days in between (when my kids were little, they went either in the morning or afternoon every day, which I liked better).

It's soon enough to go all day in grade one. Believe me, she won't miss anything academically even if she won't go to Kindergarten at all! I look at it as a time to get used to school, so grade one won't be too big a shock (and that applies only to certain kids).

In Germany there is no Kindergarten (well, at least there wasn't when I was a kid, I am not 100% sure of the way it is now), kids go to school when they go to grade one. There is a kind of Kindergarten only for kids that aren't mature enough at age six to go to grade one, to slowly get them used to sitting still and listening to instructions. Which is the kind of learning your daughter needs at this point.

Sibylle, I thought I should point out that 'enlong' is not an English word (even though we certainly get your meaning), the proper word is 'lengthen'. I hope you don't mind me telling you, but the way I am, I'd appreciate it if somebody helps me learn better English (and believe me, people had lots of opportunity for that when I first came to Canada  :shock: ).

What Uschi said (above) - that is how I feel about it.

I know letting her go all day would be a great break for me - and believe me I am ready for it - but pretty soon she will be in first grade and she will be required to go all day.  Then I won't have a choice.  And she is my last baby and I'm not ready for her to go.........

I was just so concerned about her "missing opportunities" or shutting a "critical window" like her behaviorist said.  I wouldn't want to do anything detrimental to her learning.  I know kindergarten doesn't really matter for a "typical" kid and I've always felt that way.  But you know, if you have a child with autism you hear about early intervention & they say the earlier the better.  That was why I was so confused.

I will let her go half-day and if she really likes it I can increase her to full-day, since the school gave me that option.

Can't believe my sweetie is going to kindergarten.  

Thanks for your replies.   :grin:

Uschi

Please correct me if I use wrong words, I always try to improve my English  :smile:

Well, going to a kindergarten is now normal for most children of age 3 and older in Germany. You have a prooved right (by government) to get a place there for your kids the next august, as soon as the child is 3 years old. They try to get the kids from foreign countries in there quite much, to help them integrate by learning the language early and getting social contacts. My boys both had their 3 years of half day kindergarten and the younger one is going to school end of august. So I can understand your feelings quite good, SunnyDaze.

Sibylle

Sibylle, what is called Kindergarten here is for children who are five years old, and is part of the public school (Vorschule in Deutschland). The German Kindergarten is called nursery school here. Two very different concepts. A little confusing I guess, it confused me at first when I came to Canada!

Whether or not keeping her at home would deprive her of learning experience would depend on how much she can learn at school and how much she is learning at home. If you or someone else is working with her at home, or if she is busy learning at home, then keeping her at home for half a day is probably not a bad idea.

Sunny - My Megan started with half days and it worked really well for her. She's had a very positive year

Sunny, hope it is all going well with your daughter at kindergarten. I would say that half days are better to start with, especially when you have a child who could find it harder to cope with big changes than others.

Children are learning all the time and not just in formalised environments such as a school. You seem to be doing your best to spend plenty of time with her in the home so with half-days, she'd be getting the best of both worlds.

I think children are pressured to grow up too soon these days so if you have a choice to send your daughter for half-days (as seems to be the case), it would be better to do that, even if it is for 3 months or more.

When I was little, we had 3 hour sessions at kindy. Believe me, that was plenty! I was put in the "big" group because my birthday fell in the early months of the year but got bullied a lot because I was a bit emotionally immature and because of some of the differences relating to having Aspergers eg. not wanting to engage in pretend play, long attention span and obsessive interests.

You're her mother so therefore you're best placed to know what will suit your daughter so please don't let anyone bluff you into thinking otherwise.
It's a shame more people with autistic children didn't have the caring attitude you have.