Aspies For Freedom

Hi. I'm not exactly a parent, but I'm a caretaker for 7 hours of the day (camp counsler), so I think this is the right place for me.

I work at a camp that is primarily composed of NT children, but has an "inclusion" program that allows for kids who need a little extra attention to attend camp with a special "helper" counsler, who basically follows them around and makes sure they don't hurt themselves or run off or something.

My bunk of 9 children (all boys who are going into first grade) has been given two "inclusion" AS campers, who are doing great with their personal counslers and having a generally wonderful time at camp.

However, our bunk also has two campers who are signed up (by their parents) as "general" meaning that they don't get the extra attention from a personal counsler. The boys are a set of identical twins named Kyle and Kevin, and they are AS, but subtly enough that their parents are still in denial (even after diagnosis!). So, they are left entirely in my responsibility. Most of the time, the boys are able to follow instructions (sometimes with what seems like a ridiculous amount of coercing) and participate as part of the group. However, they need a LOT of extra attention. We've found one thing that works well is using incentives. For example, we will give each boy an anime card at the end of the day (they collect them) if they have been good...that way, we can say, "Kyle, please come join the circle...if not, you won't get your anime card!" Both boys have similar speech to the NT kids, though they are a little harder to understand--especially when they are upset.

This is what I'd like advice about: how do I properly keep these boys safe in such an unsafe enviornment? The camp is in a forestish area, but closer to a street then the kids realize. If the boys run off (which they love to do--in opposite directions!), they could be seriously endangered. However, I feel horrible having to pick them up or otherwise deal physically with them (they don't like being touched too often, and of course, they don't like being handled roughly), so I just find myself yelling and threatening a lot, which I also hate doing!

Please help me deal with a pair of kicking, screaming, biting, unhappy and misunderstood little boys. They are the greatest kids when they try really hard and I want them to have a fantastic time at camp (and they do a lot of the time, but of course it's the fits and the wildness that the supervisors notice). As of right now, they've been given a week until they are kicked out of camp and not allowed back without being signed up as inclusion. I would hate for that to happen.

Thank you!

~ Lauren

P.S. I'm 16, going into my senior year of high school, and have absolutely no former knowledge of autism other than what I've read on the internet and in a few books...so any advice or links would be super appreciated!

Hi Lauren,

Personally, I think that you are dealing with an impossible situation, and the parents of the boys are the cause of the problems. If it was one child, you might be able to manage. But twins are generally more difficult to deal with, even without them both being Aspies.

Have the parents been notified of the problems? They need to be told that as much as you would love to have the boys at camp, without a special AS counselor looking after them they can't stay. It isn't fair to you or the other kids to have them stay on by themselves. Besides the fact that you absolutely shouldn't be put into a situation were you're responsible for their safety, when they won't follow rules.

You are to be commended for caring enough to come here to ask for advice, and for understanding them as well as you do (being aware of sensory problems for instance). It will be hard to tell those beautiful children that they can't come back, but you can't blame yourself, you tried hard.

Hi Lauren.
You said "This is what I'd like advice about: how do I properly keep these boys safe in such an unsafe enviornment? The camp is in a forestish area, but closer to a street then the kids realize. If the boys run off (which they love to do--in opposite directions!), they could be seriously endangered. However, I feel horrible having to pick them up or otherwise deal physically with them (they don't like being touched too often, and of course, they don't like being handled roughly), so I just find myself yelling and threatening a lot, which I also hate doing!"

What age are the boys?
Whoever is your employer, they are being negligent to be honest, it seems they are leaving you with a huge commitment and a liabilty if something happens. Which is totally unfair to you!

"Please help me deal with a pair of kicking, screaming, biting, unhappy and misunderstood little boys. They are the greatest kids when they try really hard and I want them to have a fantastic time at camp (and they do a lot of the time, but of course it's the fits and the wildness that the supervisors notice). As of right now, they've been given a week until they are kicked out of camp and not allowed back without being signed up as inclusion. I would hate for that to happen."

The kids cant help it I'm sure, as they need a lot of structure and things are hectic and unpredictable at a camp with a bunch of other kids.
It is not your fault at all, you shouldnt have been put in this situation without training, especially training in restrain techniques. Without a proper technique a child could become injured whilst trying to do something dangerous and then questions would be asked by parents 'who was in charge' etc.
The parents should know better and so should the camp organizers.

Have a look at http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/wiki it has lots of information.

That's not a punishment, Lauren, it's a reasonable safety concern, and it certainly wouldn't be your "fault" in any way.

Young Aspies often need a lot more supervision than other children, and you shouldn't be expected to chase after both of them constantly while also supervising several other campers.

I remember being in summer camp at that age.  I lasted one day.  After darting off into the woods several times, climbing trees, and getting annoyed that everyone kept yelling at me not to do things, I decided to walk home as soon as they weren't looking.  Everyone was frantic that I had disappeared, but I wasn't intentionally trying to upset the camp staff, I just never thought about how they would react when they couldn't find me.

After that, my mother had the good sense to wait several years before sending me to any more summer camps.   :smile:

Amy, Lauren said:

, which suggests to me that they are five or six years old. Quite little, obviously, and a challenge even without AS.

Ah thanks Uschi, the grade system is different here.

You are all so fantastic...thanks for the great replies!! The boys are 6, by the way, and going into first grade.

I've talked to camp administrators, and it's been decided that the boys are NOT coming back to camp next year unless their parents accept that they need extra help and allow them to receive it. As for the rest of this year...I've been given access to most of the resources of the inclusion counslers, including little toys for the boys to fixate on in order to calm them down, as well as access to the "upset room" for when they have fits. My co-counsler, who doesn't really have much patience for our aspie kids has taken responsibility for the rest of the bunk. Everyone at camp is doing whatever they can to ensure a sucessfull summer...these boys are just so charming...they have everyone under their spell! Today, Kevin (a tad calmer than his brother) suddenly hugged me and said, "I like you. I try very hard to be good, but I will try harder because I like you." That moment made everything else worthwhile.

Anyway, thanks again for your great responses. You have a fantastic community here (refering to both the website, the internet community of autistic people, and the adult population of autistic people). I hope my new autie friends find you when they are old enough to appreciate the greatness of this community.

Hmmm. I'm aspie, and I went to camp. I didn't need a helper (I was undiagnosed until a year ago, as an adult)...and I certainly didn't act like that!!

If you want my unvarnished opinion, I think these two are spoiled brats in need of discipline, and their behavior doesn't have a whole lot to do with their dx. Aspie does not = Brat!

But I have seen that a lot of parents with children with a diagnosis of any sort, will make excuses for inexcusable behavior. This is a grave disservice to the children.... :roll: what will they do when they're grown?!

You know, not all Aspies are alike. Some of us need more help than others. I never had any help as a kid either, just abuse. I sure could have used some help, though. The abuse made sure that I was very quiet and terribly afraid of offending anybody, so I was never noticed. I never spoke up for myself and never reported any abuse by other kids in school, either.

Besides, with twins it's likely that they'll reinforce each others negative behaviour, which could be worse in autistic kids than NT kids. Even NT twins are harder to raise than single children. I know, I have twin grandchildren.

In Germany kids don't go to camp the way kids do here. But we went on class trips starting in grade four, that would last up to two weeks, which would have been like camp. I didn't enjoy these at all, because I felt like I was 'walking on eggs', being so careful not to do something that would make people angry that I was a nervous wreck the whole time. I was very aware that I was different from other kids from the age of four, and tried awfully hard to hide it and to fit in. It never really worked, because I had no help in figuring out what was expected and what the rules were.

Lauren, I think you've done a fantastic job in looking after these boys. I also believe children of this age are too young to go on camps unless there is at least a ratio of one adult per 3-4 children.

Children like Kevin and Kyle probably need one carer each. I wouldn't have coped with a camp environment at their age and soon would have got sick of being yelled at and told not to do things (I was quiet most of the time but could get into tantrums if pushed too hard) and might have wandered off, not knowing people would worry.

The parents probably think they will be expected to get expensive therapy for their children if they admit they have a disability but the best thing they can do is to love and accept their boys for who they are.